I did not have sexual relations with that goat (freedom torture)

"The Venezuelan President went to the U.N. and called Bush the devil. You could tell Bush was offended, because his tail stopped wagging. Bush said, 'I would love to answer your ridiculous charge that I'm the devil, but I'm a little too busy this week trying to unite my party behind torturing people.'" --Bill Maher

"The leader of Hezbollah appeared in public today for the first time since the cease-fire with Israel. He told the Lebanese people, 'I feel your pain.' You know, that's Bill Clinton's line. You can't call us the 'Great Satan' and then steal all of our president's lines. And then he went on to say, 'I did not have sexual relations with that goat.'" --Jay Leno

"The U.N. says that there is more torture going on in Iraq than when Saddam was in power. Bush shot back. He said, 'That is just the opinion of one individual who doesn't know the difference between regular torture and freedom torture.'" --Bill Maher