"Threat number five:
Jimmy Carter. 59-years ago the humble peanut farmer turned genuine,
compassionate joke of a president unleashed a danger on the world -- his son
Jack. Cuz now, Jack Carter, is now on the Democratic Primary in Nevada. Shame
on you Nevada voters. If you put him in office, he's going to take you back to
the Carter years and in Nevada, that means 'hooker rationing.' Do you really
want to wait in those long lines again?" --Stephen Colbert
"NASA lost the
original film of the moon landing. Did you hear about this? Well, you know, in
their defense, they're not exactly rocket scientists." --David Letterman
"Good news. President
Bush had his physical last week, and passed his physical. No word on the
mental. But the doctors say he's okay, but he might want to go on a diet,
because his Body-Mass Index has jumped to 26. On the bright side, his Body-Mass
Index now matches his approval rating." --David Letterman
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