Tyrannosaurus rex (anyone from the cast of Entourage)

Hillary Clinton’s shortlist for running mate includes Sen. Elizabeth Warren, Sen. Tim Kaine, and HUD Secretary Julian Castro. Meanwhile, Donald Trump’s shortlist includes "anyone from the cast of 'Entourage.'" –Conan O’Brien

Some private companies are now taking over the reporting of local news. I read all about it in this week’s issue of US News & Zesty Cool Ranch Doritos. –Conan O’Brien

Scientists now think the Tyrannosaurus rex immigrated to North America from Asia. So now scientists think the T. rex was wiped out by its parents' crushing academic demands. –Conan O’Brien