I don't think al Qaeda has the guts (he's not that fanatical about you)

"According to Kola Boof, 'Whitney Houston was the one name that would be mentioned constantly. She was brainwashed by American culture and her husband, Bobby Brown, whom Osama talked about having killed.' Ladies, there's an important lesson here. If your guy's always talking about killing another woman's husband, it just means he's not that fanatical about you." --Stephen Colbert

"The new season of 'Survivor' is going to be dividing up the tribes by race. They said they got the idea from Karl Rove." --Bill Maher

"The Republicans have a new talking point on Iraq. It's about time they got one. The new one is: 'If we don't fight them there, they'll follow us home.' There's a representative -- a Republican named Curt Weldon -- who said we either fight them over there or we fight them here in our supermarkets. Have you ever been to that Ralph's on Sunset at 3 in the morning? I don't think al Qaeda has the guts." --Bill Maher