Although, to be fair, any company Trump runs is eventually nonprofit (Four score and seven ratselttab)

I know this happened five days ago, but I will not be denied the chance to enjoy Trump’s tweet from just after midnight last Wednesday: “Despite the constant negative press covfefe.” OK. Strong statement. Bold. Presidential. Reminds me of the first draft of the Gettysburg address: “Four score and seven ratselttab.” –Stephen Colbert

Of course, the internet lost their covfefe over this. Why did the president type that? It was the new “What color is the dress?” But instead of “white versus blue,” it was “sleepy versus stroke.” –Stephen Colbert

It started with Trump’s plan to turn the air traffic control functions of the FAA into a nonprofit corporation. Although, to be fair, any company Trump runs is eventually nonprofit. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What's next, a tax on rainbows? (Hi! I'm the CIA)

President Trump is about to go on vacation. He’s off for two blissful weeks on the Island of Covfefe. –Jimmy Kimmel

"As part of a plan to close his state's budget deficit, New York Governor David Paterson is proposing a tax on Internet pornography. You see, this is why we can't have blind governors. I mean, no offense, but of course he's going to tax pornography. If he can't enjoy it, nobody can. What's next, a tax on rainbows?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"The Sarasota Republican party has named Donald Trump its statesman of the year. If there's one word I'd think of to describe Trump, it's 'statesman-like.' And if there were four words, they would be 'not at all statesman-like.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

At least, I THINK that’s why Times Square Elmo was lying face-down (I've decided it's time for me to covfefe)

Mitch McConnell wants to force a Senate vote on healthcare before July 4, because if there’s one day you want to take away people’s healthcare, it’s the day when they get drunk and set off fireworks. –Jimmy Fallon

Dan Scavino, the guy who helps write Donald Trump's tweets, is considering leaving the White House. After thinking long and hard he said, "I've decided it's time for me to covfefe." --Jimmy Fallon

The American Medical Association says that cheerleading should be classified as a sport because of the skill and training that goes into it. Then LeBron's teammates said, “See? We ARE athletes.”--Jimmy Fallon

Today, hundreds of people did yoga in Times Square to celebrate the first day of summer. At least, I THINK that’s why Times Square Elmo was lying face-down. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s like Shark Week, except American infrastructure might actually kill you (Four score and seven ratselttab)

Of course, the internet lost their covfefe over this. Why did the president type that? It was the new “What color is the dress?” But instead of “white versus blue,” it was “sleepy versus stroke.” –Stephen Colbert

I know this happened five days ago, but I will not be denied the chance to enjoy Trump’s tweet from just after midnight last Wednesday: “Despite the constant negative press covfefe.” OK. Strong statement. Bold. Presidential. Reminds of the first draft of the Gettysburg address: “Four score and seven ratselttab.” –Stephen Colbert

"Something happened last night, I was down in Washington, D.C., love it down there, can't get enough of that city. Anyway, I was out with my buddy, Rep. Patrick Kennedy of Rhode Island, and we were driving home, and I suggested we play a game of I Spy a Concrete Barricade. Patrick is a fierce competitor and, well, he won." --Stephen Colbert

The White House announced today that they’re kicking off “Infrastructure Week.” It’s like Shark Week, except American infrastructure might actually kill you. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How were we to know it was BOGUS? (I believe the word is covfefe)

“The U.S. military accidentally sent a draft letter ordering U.S. troops to leave Iraq and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff called it a ‘kerfuffle.’ Then Trump was like, ‘I believe the word is covfefe.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, that’s right: The Pentagon released an announcement saying they were pulling out the troops and then they were like, ‘Backsies! I didn’t take my hand off the piece, I didn’t take my hand off the piece. That’s not the move!’” —Trevor Noah

“You can’t send someone a letter of that magnitude and then say it doesn’t mean anything. That’s like saying, ‘Honey, that breakup email was from my drafts folder. Now, as I was saying, with this ring, I thee wed.’” —Stephen Colbert

“These people control nuclear weapons and they can’t even handle Microsoft Outlook.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Now I'm really embarrassed to be a republican (You leave Melania out of this)

According to The Daily Beast, since they started dating, friends of Donald Trump Jr. and former Fox News host Kimberly Guilfoyle have started referring to the couple as “Donberly,” which is a shortened version of "When I look at those two, I can keep my food down barely." --Seth Meyers

In response to President Trump's all-caps post threatening Iran, the Iranian foreign minister tweeted, "We've been around for millennia and seen fall of empires, including our own, which lasted more than the life of some countries." Replied Trump, "You leave Melania out of this." --Seth Meyers

Ivanka Trump announced today that she is closing her fashion brand, and look, I know it's tempting to make jokes, but please, thousands of kids are out of a job. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I've decided it's time for me to covfefe (Bo-Dunk-a-Dunk)

Dan Scavino, the guy who helps write Trump's tweets, is considering leaving the White House. After thinking long and hard he said, "I've decided it's time for me to covfefe." --Jimmy Fallon

Since a judge approved AT&T's merger with Time Warner, experts say it could open up the door for other big companies to merge. We took a look at some companies we'd like to see merge, just because of what they could rename themselves. I'll show you what I mean. For example, if Saks Fifth Avenue and Citigroup merged, they'd be "Saks and the Citi." If Myspace and eBay merged, they'd be "my bae." If Chili's and Netflix merged, they'd be "Netflix and Chili's." And finally, if Bonobos and Dunkin' Donuts merged, they'd be "Bo-Dunk-a-Dunk." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Michael Cohen just pays himself $130,000 to shut up (I'm blind, but I can smell fear)

There are some doubts about the president's current attorney, Michael Cohen. Apparently, Trump and his advisers are increasingly worried that Cohen might be susceptible to cooperating with federal prosecutors. The obvious answer: Michael Cohen just pays himself $130,000 to shut up. --Stephen Colbert

One Trump team lawyer says Cohen’s loyalty depends on how much prison time he’s facing: "Is he two years loyal? Is he 10 years loyal? Is he 15 years loyal?" 15 years? Michael Cohen disclosed Sean Hannity’s name in court after being asked twice. He’s not five minutes loyal! --Stephen Colbert

And let's just pause a moment to notice that they have jumped immediately to whether Michael Cohen will turn state's evidence against the president of the United States to avoid jail time, which everybody believes is coming for at least one of these guys. The word "innocent" is nowhere in this conversation. Even justice is like "I'm blind, but I can smell fear." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

Speaking words of wisdom...Covfefe (we know Trump is lying because we can hear him)

According to reports, adult film star Stormy Daniels took a polygraph test in 2011 about her relationship with President Trump, and the examiner found there was a more than 99 percent probability she told the truth about their affair. And we know Trump is lying because we can hear him. --Seth Meyers

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's wedding cake will be lemon elderflower instead of the traditional fruitcake. Incidentally, "Lemon Elderflower" is the name Queen Elizabeth uses on Tinder. --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Richard Milhouse Trump (covfefe boy)

In the spirit of Halloween, let's talk about something truly scary — the Trump White House. –James Corden

After Trump campaign staffer George Papadopoulos was arrested in connection with the Russia investigation, the White House is distancing themselves from him, with one Trump ally saying Papadopoulos was nothing more than a, "coffee boy." Honestly, I think that might be a typo. I think they meant covfefe boy. –James Corden

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Trump is off for two blissful weeks on the Island of Covfefe

President Trump is about to go on vacation. He’s off for two blissful weeks on the Island of Covfefe. –Jimmy Kimmel

He’s going to his Trump golf resort in New Jersey. Some people are angry he’s taking vacation for two weeks. I think it is a good thing. I mean, we’ll still have a country for two more weeks. –Jimmy Kimmel

Before he slips into those size 46 Van Heusen golf pants, the president made a stop in West Virginia to pound his chest for a large crowd of enthusiastic supporters. Earlier today, he teased that he would be making a big announcement. He doesn’t just make an announcement. First he announces he’s going to make an announcement. Then the announcement gets announced. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

He's just new at this... (covfefe language)

Yesterday, Rafael Nadal won the French Open and became the first man to win 10 titles at any major tournament. When asked what his secret is, he said, “Not having to play Serena Williams.” –Jimmy Fallon

First lady Melania Trump has officially, as of today, moved into the White House. In a related story, Donald Trump just moved from the Lincoln Bedroom to the Lincoln Couch. –Conan O’Brien

It’s been reported that President Trump is so worried about protests that he is postponing his upcoming trip to England. Trump is also worried he doesn’t have time to learn the language. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

the Trumpcare dental plan/marijuana-infused pizza/Squirrel!

Canadian officials announced they are planning to build up their military. Then they said, “That is, you know, if it’s OK with everybody else.” –Conan O’Brien

In Utah, a woman pulled out two of her son’s teeth in a Walmart bathroom. Or as that procedure will soon be known, “the Trumpcare dental plan.” –Conan O’Brien

In Massachusetts, a medical marijuana dispensary has begun selling marijuana-infused pizza. Or as that’s known, “one-stop shopping.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Take a Wish Foundation (virginity is still in "mint condition")

The owner of the world’s largest private collection of "Star Wars" memorabilia says someone stole $200,000 worth of his collectibles. On the plus side, the collector is reporting that his virginity is still in "mint condition." –Conan O’Brien

A new study found that kids are bullying each other with Donald Trump’s words. The good news is, most kids outgrow Trump’s vocabulary by the time they’re 11. –Conan O’Brien

A new report came out and it says that Donald Trump once shifted charitable donations for sick kids into his own business. Trump referred to the charity as the "Take a Wish Foundation." –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

a mysterious signal from space (Covfefeblanca)

Trump’s been causing a lot of problems with the things he’s tweeted recently, but the White House says he isn’t concerned with being politically correct. Then they clarified their statement and said he isn't even concerned about being correct. –Jimmy Fallon

There’s a proposed bill in New York that would allow medical marijuana to be prescribed for menstrual cramps. Which is why millions of men in New York are now saying "it is my time of the month." –Conan O’Brien

Astronomers are saying that a mysterious signal from space was caused by gas surrounding a comet. Of course, the comet is claiming the gas came from its dog. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Covfefe/Don’t Show Trump/Try again/Reality Winner

A highly classified document was just leaked, and it suggests that Russia may have hacked into our voting systems before the election. You could tell the report was "highly classified" because it was marked, "Don’t Show Trump." –Jimmy Fallon

It turns out Russia actually hacked the company that makes our voting machines. Which explains why anyone who pressed on "Hillary Clinton" heard a voice go, "Try again." –Jimmy Fallon

The NSA contractor who leaked the document is a woman named Reality Winner. When he was asked if he had any contact with the leaker, Trump said, "Nope, I’m TOTALLY out of touch with Reality." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

any company Trump runs is eventually nonprofit (sleepy versus stroke)

It started with Trump’s plan to turn the air traffic control functions of the FAA into a nonprofit corporation. Although, to be fair, any company Trump runs is eventually nonprofit. –Stephen Colbert

I know this happened five days ago, but I will not be denied the chance to enjoy Trump’s tweet from just after midnight last Wednesday: “Despite the constant negative press covfefe.” OK. Strong statement. Bold. Presidential. Reminds of the first draft of the Gettysburg address: “Four score and seven ratselttab.” –Stephen Colbert

Of course, the internet lost their covfefe over this. Why did the president type that? It was the new “What color is the dress?” But instead of “white versus blue,” it was “sleepy versus stroke.” –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

the happiest possible ending to a story of a deer walking into one of America’s largest suppliers of hunting rifles (trumpery)

A Texas man went on a date to see “Guardians of the Galaxy 2,” and is now suing his date for texting during the movie. He thinks he can sue her for texting. Who does this man think he is — the guardian of the Samsung Galaxy? The man said texting during a movie is “one of my biggest pet peeves.” Now, pet peeves are not what lawsuits are for. You don’t sue someone because they say expresso instead of espresso. –James Corden

At a Walmart in Minnesota, a customer had to tackle a confused deer after it wandered into the store. The deer is fine and was released back into the wild, which makes this the happiest possible ending to a story of a deer walking into one of America’s largest suppliers of hunting rifles. –James Corden

Walmart is already trying to capitalize on this by changing their slogan to “Walmart: Where You Can Always Save a Buck.” –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Sean Spicer claimed it was intentional. He said it wasn't a typo or a stroke.

Meanwhile, I'm sure you know about covfefe at this point, right? So just after midnight yesterday the president wrote, "Despite the constant negative press covfefe." And that was it. And with that puzzling half-sentence, for a brief shining moment, Donald Trump made Twitter great again. –Jimmy Kimmel

Twitter went absolutely berserk. Not since Phil Collins gave us the word "Susudio" has a nation been so utterly fascinated and perplexed. You know a typo is bad when even Melania is like, 'I'm pretty sure that's not English, Donald.' Even after Trump deleted the tweet, which he almost never does, Sean Spicer claimed it was intentional. He said it wasn't a typo or a stroke. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats