Wait a minute, Melania's not blind? (five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long)

Two Papa John’s employees in Washington State were arrested this week for allegedly delivering cocaine in pizza boxes. Authorities became suspicious when Papa John’s started getting five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long. –Seth Meyers

President Trump tried to have braille removed from the elevators in Trump Tower, because "no blind people are going to live in Trump Tower." Wait a minute, Melania's not blind? --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You ever see a church sign writer go supernova (It's not what it looks like)

Mountain goats in Washington state are being airlifted out of Olympic National Park after their population developed a craving for human urine. Said the scientist who made the discovery, "It's not what it looks like." --Seth Meyers

Former President George W. Bush yesterday spoke to voters on his brother’s behalf, and told them “one reason Jeb is going to win is because he’s a fierce competitor.” Adding, “And one reason he’s going to lose is because of me." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess I'll just have to take my business to Little Debbie (Worry)

November 2012

"Facebook just launched a new app. They teamed up with the Department of Labor to create what they call the social jobs app. You can browse through 2 million job listings. You know it's bad when even Facebook thinks it's time for you to get a job." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Facebook also has an app that can help you lose your job. It's called Facebook." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Colorado and Washington just legalized marijuana. If Hostess can't figure out a way to make money off of that, then maybe they shouldn't be in the snack cake industry. I guess I'll just have to take my business to Little Debbie." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Yesterday, President Obama gave his first press conference since being re-elected. And a lot of people are saying it looked like he was trying to cover up some of his gray hair. So I guess Obama's major goals include jobs for women and Just For Men." --Jimmy Fallon

"During his final speech on the House floor yesterday, Congressman Ron Paul said the Constitution has failed. Which must be a bummer because he's actually one of the guys who signed it." --Jimmy Fallon

"Facebook and the Department of Labor have teamed up for a new app that displays job openings. It'll be weird when people find a job because of Facebook, then get fired from that job for using Facebook, then use Facebook to find another job. It's the circle of life." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, best money I ever spent (It's kind of a gift)

November 2012

"No gloating. The Republicans are licking their wounds, which is ironically Mitt Romney's health care plan." –Bill Maher

"This was a great week for gay potheads who love Obama. Or as I call it, 'Hollywood.'" –Bill Maher

"Pot was legalized in Colorado and Washington. This calls, not just for a reexamination of the drug war, but an entire rerouting of my touring schedule. —Bill Maher

"Karl Rove said today that Obama was suppressing the vote. He was suppressing the vote with his nasty political ads. And Sarah Palin basically said the same thing on her Facebook page yesterday. She said Romney only lost because ads running in blue collar swing states defined Romney early on. Yeah, best money I ever spent." –Bill Maher, referring to the $1 million he gave to a pro-Obama Super PAC

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We need to make sure Florida never gets the Olympics (Whose fears are unfounded?)

November 2012

"President Obama defeated Mitt Romney last night. We know this for sure despite the fact that the returns from Florida still have not been counted. What goes on in Florida? They had four years to fix this. We need to make sure Florida never gets the Olympics." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A lot of people said over the last few weeks that if Obama wins, they're going to move to Canada. How come nobody threatens to move to Mexico? That must be depressing for them." –Jimmy Kimmel 

"The presidential election is that special time every four years when Americans gather around their TVs to be reminded where the states are on a map." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Colorado and Washington have become the first states to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. That's a big deal because here in California, you can use marijuana legally only if you receive it for a fake medical condition." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's not what it looks like (are you sure you don't drink?)

While answering questions about Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh's drinking habits, President Trump today praised himself for not drinking alcohol, adding, "Can you imagine if I had? What a mess I'd be." I mean, yeah. You'd be in and out of relationships, you'd miss work all the time, you'd slur your words, and are you sure you don't drink? --Seth Meyers

At a campaign rally this weekend, President Trump said he "fell in love with" North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. Well, that makes sense. He is 27. --Seth Meyers

Mountain goats in Washington state are being airlifted out of Olympic National Park after their population developed a craving for human urine. Said the scientist who made the discovery, "It's not what it looks like." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion (You can borrow my leeches!)

A Washington State woman has been charged with attempted murder for allegedly attacking her boyfriend with a samurai sword after she found the dating app Tinder on his phone. When reached for comment, the man said, “THIS, Rebecca. THIS is the kind of stuff I’m talking about.” --Seth Meyers

According to Reuters, a growing number of athletes are attempting to speed up the muscle recovery process after strenuous exercise by using leeches. [shows photo of Don Jr., Eric, and Ivanka] “You can borrow my leeches!” said Trump. --Seth Meyers

Senators in Rhode Island are proposing a new bill that would charge residents a one-time fee of $20 to access online pornography. State budget experts say this new porn bill could be profitable. They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion. --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long (infrastructure)

Two Papa John’s employees in Washington State were arrested this week for allegedly delivering cocaine in pizza boxes. Authorities became suspicious when Papa John’s started getting five-star Yelp reviews that were 47 paragraphs long. –Seth Meyers

The White House announced today that they’re kicking off “Infrastructure Week.” It’s like Shark Week, except American infrastructure might actually kill you. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

JOKES: Melania Trump is calling it the feel-good movie of the year (weed in a cooler)

In Monroe, Washington, there’s a mystery to be solved. Someone made a very unique donation to the Goodwill store up there — a cooler containing five large bags of marijuana, weighing a total of 60 ounces. Almost four pounds, like $20,000 worth of pot, was left in; they assume it was left in there by mistake. What are the odds a pot smoker would forget he stashed weed in a cooler? –Jimmy Kimmel

The live action version of “Beauty and the Beast” opens tomorrow. It’s the story of a beautiful woman from a small village who falls for a selfish, disgusting monster who lives in a palace filled with gold. Melania Trump is calling it the feel-good movie of the year. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: GOODwill? More like AWESOMEwill (Look, we found a joint!)

Workers at a Goodwill store in Washington state got a big surprise when they opened a donated cooler and inside they found $24,000 worth of marijuana. GOODwill? More like AWESOMEwill. –James Corden

There were five giant bags of marijuana in the cooler. And when he found them, the Goodwill worker immediately turned over the three bags he found to the police. The police then gave the 1 ounce of marijuana they found to the chief, who went to the commissioner and said, “Look, we found a joint!” –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html