He moved the woman and child into an apartment right down the street from the Pakistani military academy (The dumbest 1%)

"Arnold Schwarzenegger kept this secret for more than 10 years. You know how he did it? He moved the woman and child into an apartment right down the street from the Pakistani military academy." -Jay Leno

"Have you heard about Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin? He's renounced his U.S. citizenship because it'll save him millions of dollars of taxes — to which Mitt Romney said, 'That's what the Cayman Islands are for.'" –Jay Leno

"Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child with a maid, and now the kid is mad at her for lying to him all these years. She'd told him his father was an actor." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That proves nothing. I died 60 years ago (Let's Just See What Would Happen)

"President Obama's approval rating is at a two-year high in the wake of Osama bin Laden's death. If I were Obama, I'd fish bin Laden out of the ocean and kill him every Sunday." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Pakistan's Prime Minister is mad at us for going in and getting Osama bin Laden without giving him a heads up. He has the same right to get mad as a husband mad at his wife because she went into his e-mails and found out he'd been having an affair for 5 years ... with Osama bin Laden." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Ron Paul is announcing for President tomorrow. He supports legalizing prostitution and heroin. His campaign slogan is "Let's Just See What Would Happen." –Conan O'Brien

"Moammar Gadhafi made an appearance on television to prove that he is still alive. When he saw this, Larry King said, 'That proves nothing. I died 60 years ago.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Said men, "Wait. That's not all one thing?" (all the Yelp reviews are just actual yelps)

President Trump has reached a deal with Mexico to reduce the number of migrants at the southern border. "No more than three," said Trump when asked how many more migrants he plans on marrying. --Seth Meyers

According to reports, the HBO miniseries "Chernobyl," about the 1980s Soviet nuclear accident, has led to a rise in tourism to the abandoned radioactive city. And, so far, all the Yelp reviews are just actual yelps. --Seth Meyers

Lawmakers in New York have introduced legislation that would prohibit companies from charging different prices for similar men's and women's products, like shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. Said men, "Wait. That's not all one thing?" --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination
of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

How did your career as a reality show host prepare you to do these things? (eligible for a $108,000 government bailout)

"In Portland, Oregon, a 7-year-old girl's lemonade stand was shut down by the police because she didn't get a $120 business license. On the bright side, by closing her business, she's now eligible for a $108,000 government bailout. " –Jay Leno

"I thought this guy (Levi Johnston) was a weasel. Did you hear the latest? He's now offering to sell a tell-all interview about himself, the latest break-up, and inside information about Sarah Palin for $20,000. Looking back, the problem isn't that he refused to wear a condom. The problem is his father didn't wear a condom." —Jay Leno 

"A federal judge in California struck down Proposition 8, saying it was unconstitutional. Gay couples can now get married in the state of California. Remember when women used to say the best ones were either gay or married? Now they can be both." -Jay Leno 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It's also how John McCain chose his running mate (the dumbest one percent)

"Monday is the Westminster Kennel Club's 133rd Annual Dog Show. As you know, these just aren't regular dogs. These dogs are scrutinized and gone over, literally, with a fine-tooth comb. And they're judged, here's how they're judged: appearance, of course, appearance. Silky coat, silky coat. Firm hindquarters, firm hindquarters. It's also how John McCain chose his running mate." --David Letterman

"Oh, here's a bad sign. In Hawaii, a billion dollar Navy warship has run aground. They can't get it unstuck. Its name? The U.S.S. Economy." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wouldn't you want to be able to tap his phone, read his mail, and torture him? (The never asked question)

"Is anybody really that surprised that Hillary Clinton is running for president? I'm not surprised. I mean, if you were married to Bill Clinton wouldn't you want to be able to tap his phone, read his mail, and torture him?" --Jay Leno

"It looks like the boys at San Quentin prison will soon be riding a scooter. Former Dick Cheney aide Scooter Libby now on trial for perjury. Perjury? If you're on trial for perjury, why do they even bother to make you promise to tell the whole truth?" --Jay Leno

"You know whose birthday it is today? Vice President Dick Cheney's. In fact, they even had a party for him. A lawyer jumped out of a cake and Cheney shot him." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Maybe I'm a dreamer (I support lesbian independence for all)

"Anna Nicole Smith won her case in front of the Supreme Court. I think this is the first time that a bunch of old guys have given her something and lived to tell about it." --Jay Leno

"In a speech yesterday, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he 'supports lessening our dependence on foreign oil.' Unfortunately, it came out sounding more like, 'I support lesbian independence for all.'" --Conan O'Brien

"According to the military, they got al-Zarqawi while he was hiding in his safe house. As a result, it's been renamed the 'not-so-safe house.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Bush administration -- today (There goes the Republican health care plan)

"The deputy secretary for the Department of Homeland Security was arrested after he tried to seduce a 14-year-old girl online, who was actually an undercover detective. I think the terror alert has been raised to creepy. Homeland Security? We need home room security. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Bush administration -- today." --Jay Leno

"They're still calling it a correction. I love this. When CEOs make bad decisions that cause Wall Street to crash, oh, it's called a correction. You know what we should do? Take these people and put them in a correctional institute. That's what we should do." --Jay Leno

"A new study involving 1800 patients and six major hospitals failed to prove the healing power of prayer. They said prayer does not work in healing. There goes the Republican health care plan." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I wish mental health care were as easy to get as, say, a gun (super gonorrhea)

President Trump canceled his summit with Kim Jong Un, saying it’s because of Kim’s "open hostility." Trump said, "I will not tolerate hostility from a fat-faced little Rocket Man." --Conan O’Brien

Doctors are now warning about the spread of something they are calling "super gonorrhea." It’s hard to believe that now the cool thing to say to a woman in a bar is, “It’s OK, I only have regular gonorrhea." --Conan O’Brien

A new report says that the U.S. military is running out of bombs. As of now, the Pentagon is down to 100 bunker busters and six copies of "The Emoji Movie." --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”