I came here for the same reason people go to the zoo (Russia, China, and her)

The hamburger chain In-N-Out is upset because a bikini-clad woman made a video of herself handling their meat in a suggestive way. The CEO said, "What kind of sicko would sexualize In-N-Out?" --Conan O’Brien

On Saturday, Hillary Clinton will receive her first official intelligence briefing as a candidate. Officials plan to tell Hillary about threats to U.S. cybersecurity such as Russia, China, and her. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Just make sure to clarify the next time your cellmate asks to hold your noodle package (he’s just changed the person he calls "wife.")

Donald Trump’s campaign is now saying he didn’t change his immigration plan, he just changed the words he used to describe it. They also said Trump hasn’t been married three times, he’s just changed the person he calls "wife." –Conan O’Brien

On Saturday, Hillary Clinton will receive her first official intelligence briefing as a candidate. Officials plan to tell Hillary about threats to U.S. cybersecurity such as Russia, China, and her. –Conan O’Brien

It’s been reported that the biggest currency in prison now is not cigarettes, but ramen. Just make sure to clarify the next time your cellmate asks to hold your noodle package. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I want my data back, data back, data back... (their neighborhood Hooters)

Another major corporation has been hacked. Customer information has been compromised in a recent data breach at the restaurant chain Chili's. Chili's customers were furious, they were like, "I want my data back, data back, data back..." --James Corden

It's bad that they have my credit card information. It's even worse that they now know I've eaten over 25,000 Chicken Crispers in my life. --James Corden

Chili's is addressing the problem. Meanwhile, dads everywhere are suddenly very concerned about the level of data security at their neighborhood Hooters. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

President Trump, welcome to my world (hitting a woman with a golf ball)

During his speech to the U.N., President Trump paused for what he thought was an applause line and was met by silence. President Trump, welcome to my world. –Conan O’Brien

While at the U.N., President Trump also called the Iran nuclear deal an "embarrassment." Then Trump said, "Gotta go — I have to post a tweet of me hitting a woman with a golf ball." –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

We've got our top man from I.T. to protect you (white giraffes)

Last night, Toys R Us officially filed for bankruptcy after falling $5 billion in debt. I guess they tried to pay it off, but the bank said, "This is Monopoly money." –Jimmy Fallon

I saw that today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. And right before his speech, Trump's aides were like, "Please don't." (TRUMP) "Too late! Already bought the eye patch! ARHH you ready for a speech?" –Jimmy Fallon

I read that white giraffes were just caught on video for the first time ever. Researchers knew that they were white, cuz they were drinking pumpkin spice lattes. –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

“Make America Great Again” helmet (Mad Men)

Tensions with North Korea continue to rise. And you can tell Trump’s nervous because he’s been wearing a “Make America Great Again” helmet. –Jimmy Fallon

I read that the U.S. has a plan to launch a cyberattack on North Korea. It’s pretty serious. They say it could affect both of North Korea’s computers. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

Nancy Pelosi's face almost moved (Screwing People Since 1897)

I saw that Canada is restoring a historic brothel that was owned by Trump's grandfather in 1897. They're even putting a plaque out front that says: "The Trumps: Screwing People Since 1897." –Jimmy Fallon

Today, a giant cyberattack hit computer systems in Russia. In a related story, Hillary Clinton just had a GREAT week at computer camp. –Jimmy Fallon

"Hillary gave a rousing speech, it was so passionate, emotional, I'm telling you, Nancy Pelosi's face almost moved." --David Letterman



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

Good news, the five-year drought is over. That’s right — last night, I had sex

Good news, the five-year drought is over. That’s right — last night, I had sex. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump has named 72-year-old Rudy Giuliani to be his adviser on cybersecurity. Trump explained, “I’m not up to speed on the latest technology, so I wanted to get somebody two years older.” –Conan O’Brien

I’m kidding, he tweeted about it. He thanked Linda Bean for her support and then he commands everybody to buy L.L. Bean. I for one am shocked that the co-owner of a company founded by a hunter, to sell hunting boots to other hunters, would come out in favor of a Republican. –Conan O’Brien

the second greatest Gettysburg Address in history (Productive Friday)

Over the weekend in Gettysburg, Donald Trump told a crowd that as soon as the election ends he will sue the women accusing him of sexual misconduct. It’s being called "the second greatest Gettysburg Address in history." –Conan O’Brien

On Friday, a cyber-attack shut down Amazon, CNN, and Twitter. Apparently, the cyber-terrorists shut down Amazon first, then Amazon suggested they may also like CNN and Twitter. –Conan O’Brien

Last Friday, Amazon, CNN, and Twitter were all down all over the United States. It’s a chilling day that will one day be known in history as "Productive Friday." –Conan O’Brien

the best thing to happen to Donald Trump’s campaign in weeks (That wasn’t lemonade)

On Friday, a massive cyber-attack brought down several websites for 11 hours, including Twitter. Experts say it was the best thing to happen to Donald Trump’s campaign in weeks. –Jimmy Fallon

Speaking of Donald Trump, his son Eric was out on the campaign trail, and a lot of people online noticed that Eric was photographed at an In-N-Out Burger holding a free water cup that was filled with lemonade. While the employee who gave it to him said, “That wasn’t lemonade.” –Jimmy Fallon

SOMEONE wants to be Donald Trump’s secretary of state (flying shoes)

Hillary Clinton has vowed to crack down on hackers who launch cyberattacks. She said, “If anyone’s going to abuse U.S. government computers, it’s gonna be me.” –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson was giving a television interview and was unable to name a single foreign leader. Hmmm… sounds like SOMEONE wants to be Donald Trump’s secretary of state. –Conan O’Brien

A woman in Virginia got nearly 600 calls after C-SPAN accidentally posted her number on the air. In response, the head of C-SPAN said, “Wait, we have 600 viewers?” –Conan O’Brien

This week, the FDA approved the first artificial pancreas. When they heard, all the “Real Housewives” said, “I don’t care what it does — if it’s fake I want it in me.” –Conan O’Brien

Wikileaks, Guccifer 2.0. and DC Leaks Expose Obama, Hillary Clinton, & C...

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Wikileaks, Guccifer 2.0. and DC Leaks Expose Obama, Hillary Clinton, & C...

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

threats to U.S. cybersecurity such as Russia, China, and her (forgot he was up there)

The Boston Globe just reported that according to his campaign staff, Donald Trump wouldn't take any vacations as president. I think that's because he has offended so many other countries he can't leave this one. –Jimmy Fallon

Astronaut Jeffrey Williams just set the U.S. record for most days in space, reaching the milestone of 521 days. It's less of an accomplishment after NASA admitted they sort of forgot he was up there. –Jimmy Fallon

On Saturday, Hillary Clinton will receive her first official intelligence briefing as a candidate. Officials plan to tell Hillary about threats to U.S. cybersecurity such as Russia, China, and her. –Conan O’Brien