MAGA wants a great college pingpong team (operation dirt bag)

President Trump defended his plan to bring in hundreds of thousands of Chinese students, saying, "I know what MAGA wants, and that's a great college pingpong team.” —Greg Gutfeld

Kristi Noem boasted about the new operation dirt bag where homeland security caught 150 illegal immigrant sex offenders. This is not to be confused with an earlier operation dirt bag when President Biden tried to find a whore for Hunter. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Let's do it. I'm with you, baby (headlights)

So Kristi Noem hinted that people will now be able to bring more than 3.4 ounces of liquid on flights, but Kamala Harris is hoping that they up that to a half gallon. Let's do it. I'm with you, baby. —Greg Gutfeld

Andrew Cuomo is being blasted for a new campaign ad where he helps jumpstart a man's car, which is odd considering he usually only stops to check out women’s headlights. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

which he obviously hadn't purchased until after he banged that Chinese spy (thermostats)

Michelle Obama admitted on her podcast that she fights with her husband over the thermostat. She wants it at 70 degrees while he wants it up his butt. —Greg Gutfeld

While arguing about a deported illegal criminal Eric Swallwell warned Kristi Noem that he has a bullsh*t detector, which he obviously hadn't purchased until after he banged that Chinese spy. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why not put her face on a bottle of syrup while you're at it (how to deal with deflated balls)

California attorney general Rob Bonta announced that Kamala Harris would clear out the field if she runs for California Governor. Wow, saying a black woman would clear out the field? Why not put her face on a bottle of syrup while you're at it. —Greg Gutfeld

According to the New York Post, 72-year-old Bill Belichick and his 24-year-old girlfriend Jordon Hudson are rumored to be engaged. Yes it was love at first will. Word is she reached out to Tom Brady on how to deal with deflated balls. —Greg Gutfeld

Bret Baier  is going to interview Trump at Mar-a-Lago for the Super Bowl pregame show. Meanwhile Kristi Noem is not allowed within 100 feet of the Puppy Bowl. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And the worst part is that Ted Cruz sang it sexy like Marilyn Monroe (puppy dog eyes)

President Biden landed in Italy on Wednesday for the G7 Summit, his second trip to Europe in a week. He went to France last week, now he’s off to Italy. Biden’s like your friend who is somehow posting pics from Europe all summer. Usually when an 81-year-old does that much traveling through Europe, it’s on a Viking river cruise. — Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump is in the process of picking a vice-presidential candidate. One candidate who isn’t in the running is Kristi Noem, who made headlines recently when she admitted killing her dog. She tried her best. She even gave Trump puppy dog eyes – literally, she sent him a box of puppy dog eyes. —Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump returned to Capitol Hill on Thursday, his first visit there since the Jan. 6 riot. House Republicans sang an early “Happy Birthday” for the former president, who turned 78 on Friday. And the worst part is that Ted Cruz sang it sexy like Marilyn Monroe. — Jordan Klepper, The Daily Show

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he thought Kamala Harris was their point guard (Next time, said Kristi Noem)

At a White House ceremony honoring the WNBA champion Las Vegas Aces, President Biden mistakingly called player Candace Parker, one of the greatest all-time coaches. Worse, he thought Kamala Harris was their point guard. —Colin Jost

A dog was rescued after it fell off a 50 foot cliff into a quarry. Next time, said Kristi Noem. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Commander, say hello to Cricket for me (microplastics, asbestos, lead, mercury)

One likely also-ran for the job of Trump’s Vice President is the South Dakota governor, Kristi Noem, who triggered backlash last week for the admission in her memoir that she killed her puppy Cricket for being disobedient. 

Further excerpts from her book don’t make her look less like Cruella De Vil. In a later chapter, Noem talks about Joe Biden’s German shepherd, Commander, who has a history of biting Secret Service agents. Noem said if she were president, “the first thing I’d do is make sure Joe Biden’s dog was nowhere on the grounds (Commander, say hello to Cricket for me)”. 

That’s your ‘if I was president’ fantasy? What happens if she finds a genie’s lamp? ‘Three wishes? I guess kill a dog, kill a dog and time machine so I could go back and kill Hitler’s dog.’ —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Can’t Pay You (Iraq rememberer)

In a new book, South Dakota governor Kristi Noem revealed she once shot a dog that was untrainable. That’s insane. If a dog is untrainable you don’t shoot it. You give it to President Biden. —Colin Jost

Former President Trump for the first time in his trial wrote a message on a yellow Post-It note and handed it to his lawyer while making an argument. The Post-It read simply, ‘Can’t Pay You.’ —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Myth or sarcasm (Old Yeller)

The good news for Trump is that one of his family members finally showed up at court today. The bad news is it was Eric. Trump’s middle son attended the trial in support of his father, which in the Trump family is as close as you get to playing catch. If Eric was on trial, do you think Trump would be there in court for him? Best-case scenario, he pulls up in a limo, yells ‘witch-hunt!’ out the window and drives back home for a taco bowl. —Jimmy Kimmel

After days of warnings, the judge fined Trump $9,000 for repeatedly violating a gag order restricting public comments about the trial or its participants. That should shut him up. Trump spends $9,000 at the Wendy’s drive-through. —Jimmy Kimmel

After Kristi Noem revealed in her new book that she killed her puppy for being excited about chickens, a Trump source said it was now impossible for her to be selected as his running mate. After all, you can’t have her standing right next to an Old Yeller. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, check out my new outfit. It’s a skin suit! (he really went for it)

Kristi Noem, the governor of South Dakota and a possible running mate for Donald Trump, in her new book, first obtained by the Guardian, Noem admitted to killing her dog. It was a 14-month-old wirehaired pointer named Cricket. It’s one thing to kill a dog named Cricket, it’s another to brag about it in a book. She thought telling that story would make her look cool. It’s horrible enough to kill a dog, but even crazier to brag about it. That’s a level of psycho I didn’t even know existed. Even Buffalo Bill [from The Silence of the Lambs] had the self-awareness to keep his abhorrent behavior indoors. He didn’t walk around town saying, ‘Hey, check out my new outfit. It’s a skin suit!’” —Seth Meyers

Noem defended her actions on X, formerly Twitter, writing: “tough decisions like this happen all the time on a farm” and that she just had to “put down 3 horses a few weeks ago”. Way to change the narrative. ‘Yeah, I killed a dog. But in my defense: also, three horses. Sleep with your eyes open, donkey!’ —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you don’t like untrainable animals that wolf down chicken, I have bad news about your party’s nominee (myths made up by millionaires)

If you like puppies, you’re not going to like Kristi Noem. The governor of South Dakota and a possible running mate for Donald Trump, in her new book, first obtained by the Guardian, Noem admitted to killing her dog. Now, I know that sounds terrible, but it’s much worse. Because this wasn’t some rabid, 90 pound hell hound on a meth bender. It was a 14-month-old wirehaired pointer named Cricket.

It is worth pointing out: no one made Noem confess to puppy-snuffing. She volunteered this information, even saying: “I guess if I were a better politician I wouldn’t tell the story here.” So, why? Why did Cricket need to kick it? According to Noem, the puppy was “untrainable”. Well yeah! She was 14 months old!

Noem wrote – again, in a story no one asked her to tell us, that she took Cricket on a pheasant hunt that the puppy ruined, going “out of her mind with excitement, chasing all those birds and having the time of her life”. But who among us hasn’t seen a dog running through the fields, not a care in the world, and thought ‘you deserve to die.’

Cricket then made the fatal mistake of continuing to be a normal puppy on the way home. Noem wrote that on the way home, Cricket attacked her neighbor’s chickens. Governor Noem, if you don’t like untrainable animals that wolf down chicken, I have bad news about your party’s nominee. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it looks like King Midas dry-humped a Bob’s Big Boy (Promises/Reality)

March 2021

“As for his speech, Trump once again doubled down on his baseless election fraud claims as the crowd chanted: ‘You won!’ I watched CPAC and ‘WandaVision’ this weekend, and I’m not sure which characters are living in a more warped reality.” —Trevor Noah

“The star of the weekend was none other than Donald Jobless Trump. And for anyone wondering if Trump is still worshipped by his people,” then look no further than the conference’s large gold statue of the ex-president. Holy shit, guys, did you see that thing? I get it, it’s a golden idol and blasphemous and all of that, blah, blah, blah, but guys, why is he wearing flip flops and holding a magic wand? Do you know how hard it is to make Donald Trump look weirder than he already is? It doesn’t even look like Trump – it looks like King Midas dry-humped a Bob’s Big Boy.” —Trevor Noah

“South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem attacked Anthony Fauci, Representative Matt Gaetz attacked Mr. Potato Head, and the C.E.O. of Goya Beans said Donald Trump is still the ‘real, legitimate and actual president of the United States.’ Now he can get away with saying that because what are you going to do — buy generic black beans?” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”