Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together (everything we already know)

On Twitter, porn actress Jenna Jameson bashed Meryl Streep for her Golden Globe speech. Wow, it’s going to be awkward the next time Jameson and Streep do a movie together. –Conan O’Brien

A man has finally been arrested for changing the famous Hollywood sign to read “Hollyweed.” In other words, we’re punishing the first stoner in the world to actually show some initiative. –Conan O’Brien

CNN is reporting that the Russians have disgusting and damaging information about Donald Trump. Apparently, the Russian report on Trump contains “everything we already know.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s like frisking Mother Teresa on her way out of the orphanage (I argued with a Liberal)

“The only story that everybody’s talking about right now is Tiger King, the new Netflix series that’s somehow even more viral than Covid-19. The five-hour docu-series taking over conversations across America is the most fascinating show you’ve ever seen. It exposes the sordid and loopy world of exotic animal breeding in America, while also answering the question: what would happen if meth smoked itself?” —Trevor Noah

“Now, every American is grateful for all of our heroic medical workers, and we want to make sure they get all the supplies they need. All of us want that. Well, except for this one guy. (cutting to a video of Trump wondering if masks were disappearing “out the back door”.) Really? Accusing medical workers of stealing masks? That’s like frisking Mother Teresa on her way out of the orphanage.” —Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile states are anxious over dwindling medical supplies such as masks, gloves and ventilators, yet Trump, because he can’t ever be at fault for anything, has suggested that someone at the hospitals must be stealing them. Did you see Trump’s press conference in which he wondered if masks were ‘going out the back door?’ What on earth? Is he implying that after work, these nurses get off their 12-hour shifts and steal masks so they can go sand a deck in their backyard? You know when you overhear something at another table at a restaurant that’s so crazy you want to say something, but your wife tells you not to and then you think about it all night? Our president is the guy sitting at that table.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm beginning to think these are regular storms and we have a sh**ty boat (Can I play?)

"Why is it that whenever something happens to the people that should've seen it coming didn't see coming, it's blamed on one of these rare, once in a century, perfect storms that for some reason take place every f--king two weeks. I'm beginning to think these are not perfect storms. I'm beginning to think these are regular storms and we have a sh**ty boat." –Jon Stewart, on the stock market crash

Lewis Black, on Glenn Beck's complaints that critics of Arizona's immigration law have played the Nazi card: "Glenn Beck is offended! Glenn Beck thinks playing the Nazi card is going too far. Glenn Beck. this is a guy who uses more Swastika props and video of the Nuremberg rallies than the History Channel."

"It's 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, except there's just one degree, and Kevin Bacon is Hitler. Can I play? Let's see. Mother Teresa had a mustache. Hitler had a mustache. Mother Teresa is Hitler! Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourette's" –Lewis Black, on Glenn Beck's frequent use of Nazi analogies

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He's using it as a ceiling fan

Clocks in Heaven

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." 

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."