Yeah, yeah, I’m wearing protection (I’ve decided to cover myself in Manuca honey)

November 2021

“Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers apparently was trying to hide his unvaccinated status, revealed last week that he tested positive for Covid-19 and missed Sunday’s game against the Kansas City Chiefs. On a podcast called the Pat McAfee show last Friday, Rodgers defended himself, saying he tested negative 300 times before testing positive, which is the same kind of logic your 95-year-old grandmother uses to justify keeping her driver’s license.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Aaron Rodgers told reporters in the preseason, when asked directly about his vaccination status, that he’d been ‘immunized’. That was a pretty slippery answer, looking back at it. This is like your girl asking if you’re wearing a condom, and you put on a bike helmet and are like, ‘Yeah, yeah, I’m wearing protection.’” —Trevor Noah

“Rodgers defended his answer on the Pat McAfee podcast, saying ‘I’m not some sort of anti-vax flat-earther. I am somebody who’s a critical thinker.’ You can tell how politics has just infected the entire vaccine debate, because you’ll never see Aaron Rodgers doing this to anything else. He’s never applying independent thinking to the rest of his body. Just once I’d love to see him out there on the field being like ‘forget pads and helmets, I’ve decided to cover myself in Manuca honey.’” —Trevor Noah

“But there are real victims here. And yes, I’m talking about those of us who play fantasy sports. Because it used to be when you drafted players you only had to take into account their injury history or their team’s off-season moves. Now — now you’ve got to be like, ‘OK, what are the chances that this player gets his news from Facebook?’” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That must have been some trip to Rio (Your house is NOT on fire)

July 2013

"Anthony Weiner's campaign manager quit. He says he's applying for a much less stressful job that has a better chance of success. He is trying to get Paula Deen elected president of BET." –Craig Ferguson

"Pope Francis today said he will not judge priests who are gay. In response, gay priests said they will not judge Pope Francis for wearing that robe with those shoes." –Conan O'Brien

"Pope Francis went to Rio in South America and announced that he would not judge anyone who is gay. That's what Pope Francis said. That must have been some trip to Rio." –David Letterman 

"The French Riviera, over the weekend, had a $53 million jewel heist, and the police went into action. They've rounded up Sean Connery, Michael Caine, Lindsay Lohan, and the mastermind of the jewel heist — Carlos Danger, gaucho of love." –David Letterman

"Republicans have accused Carlos Danger of being in the United States illegally." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He’s just shoving the bishop up his butt and yelling ‘Yahtzee!’ (He really did get tired of winning!)

September 2021

“We are happy to project that Joseph R. Biden Jr. is still president 11 months after the election, following a Republican-led audit in Arizona’s largest county that confirmed that President Biden not only beat Donald J. Trump, but by a larger margin than previously counted. He really did get tired of winning!” —Stephen Colbert

“So Trump and the Arizona G.O.P. were humiliated after they spent millions to hire a group of right-wing tech weirdos called the Cyber Ninjas, which sounds like an off-brand action figure your grandma would buy you at the Dollar Store.” —Seth Meyers

“And turns out, not only did the Ninjas find ‘no substantial differences’ between their tally and the official count, they actually found 99 more votes for Biden and 261 fewer for Donald Trump. I would have loved to have been there when they broke that news to him.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“So they hired MAGA fans and even they couldn’t say that No. 45 won. That’s like hiring your mom to judge the handsomest boy contest and still losing to a 78-year-old guy from Delaware.” —Stephen Colbert

“So Biden has won Arizona and the Republicans all know it. They called for the audit, they paid for the audit, they conducted the audit, which confirmed the former president lost on the forensic audit. Or as Trump put it at a rally on Saturday: (imitating Trump) ‘We won on the Arizona forensic audit yesterday at a level that you wouldn’t believe.’ So nothing’s gonna shut this guy up – no matter what the results are, he’s just going to go out and say he won. He’s not playing three-dimensional chess. He’s not even playing regular chess. He’s just shoving the bishop up his butt and yelling ‘Yahtzee!’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think that's what he said, he was chewing a crayon (always dreamed of resigning from)

July 2013

"Sarah Palin said she may run for the Senate. She said being a U.S. senator is a job she's always dreamed of resigning from." –Bill Maher

"Down in Texas Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said looked around and he said 'I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant exploded, I returned abortions to back alleys where it belongs, my work here is done.' I think that's what he said, he was chewing a crayon." –Bill Maher

"If we're going to leave with one lesson from this whole assorted affair with George Zimmerman, it's to leave police work to the actual police. They're the ones who are trained in shooting unarmed black kids." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

once Trump went down all those stairs, there’s no way he’s going back up (how the former president describes having to read a book)

July 2021

“We’re learning a lot of new details about the last days in office of former president Trump, the Turd Reich. Those books have names like ‘Landslide,’ ‘Betrayal’ and ‘Nightmare Scenario,’ which was also how the former president describes having to read a book.” —Stephen Colbert

“The big bombshell from these books is an account of the infamous moment during the D.C. Black Lives Matter protest when the big strong law and order president hid in an underground bunker. The ex-president was so embarrassed when his little hidy-hole adventure was leaked that he reportedly said, ‘Whoever did that, they should be charged with treason,’ adding, ‘They should be executed.’ Careful, sir, if you start executing people for leaking, you’ll have to find a new lawyer.” —Stephen Colbert

“In Trump’s defense, he didn’t want to stay in that bunker, but once he went down all those stairs, there’s no way he’s going back up.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Speaking of Trump, a new book just came out that describes ‘anarchy and chaos’ in the final days of his administration. Yeah, the final days were ‘anarchy and chaos,’ as opposed to the early days of Omarosa and Scaramucci that were a well-oiled machine, I guess.”  —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well apparently, some of the folks down there got blown more than once (Well gee, Wally)

"Why doesn't the media ever give credence to a single

story based on unsubstantiated rumors? [on screen:

Dick Cheney saying, before the beginning of the Iraq

war, that there is 'no doubt' that Saddam Hussein has

weapons of mass destruction]. Oh. Touche."

--Stephen Colbert

 

"This is the first convention I could remember,

where they didn't say the name of the man who

should be the titular head of the party. He is the

president of the United States, George Bush.

Except for the protestors outside, you never

heard that name, or any reference to George

Bush, except for the part about loving children

with special needs." -Bill Maher

 

"$1.4 billion in hurricane relief was spent on

booze, was spent on vacations, spent on hookers.

Well apparently, some of the folks down there got

blown more than once." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.' (ya'll thought this s*** was gonna be sweet)

January 2013

"The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.'" –Bill Maher

"The best advertisement for torture is not Dick Cheney and people like that who support it, it is Hollywood. At the Golden Globes, it's movies. Ben Affleck won for playing a CIA officer, Claire Danes won for playing a CIA officer, Jessica Chastain won for playing a CIA officer and of course, Julianne Moore won for playing Sarah Palin, a master of counter intelligence." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

that’s what the J in Donald J. Trump stands for, Donald Genius Trump (from Plantations to Private Prisons)

After his mental health was questioned in a new book, President Trump went on Twitter and said that he’s a “very stable genius.” Trump says it was an accident — he was trying to edit his OkCupid bio. --Jimmy Fallon

Yeah, Trump tweeted that he’s a “genius.” Then he said, “In fact, that’s what the J in Donald J. Trump stands for, Donald Genius Trump.” --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

It’s the first time he’s connected a crime to a white guy (Sound Familiar?)

Two properties associated with Donald Trump have decided to remove his name from their building. Sadly, neither one is the White House. –Conan O’Brien

In a tweet this morning, Donald Trump suggested that Joe Scarborough is a murderer. This is a big step up for Trump. It’s the first time he’s connected a crime to a white guy. –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

A confederate monument with context (Does it bleed?)

President Trump tweeted this morning "Big meetings today at the United Nations, so many interesting leaders." While the United Nations tweeted, "Day two of this guy. Buckle up, everyone.” –Seth Meyers

During Melania Trump’s U.N. speech today, she spoke out against bullying. And then her husband took the stage to give the rebuttal. –Seth Meyers

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

More Violence, You Wimp! (coming off his worst week)

You know those little robot vacuums called Roombas? The company that makes them says that Roombas have the capability to map out your home while they clean it, and it’s planning to sell that information to Amazon and Google. We all thought that the Roomba was just vacuuming; turns out it was casing the joint. The other night I could have sworn I heard Roomba and Alexa talking about how much they could get for my flat screen. –James Corden

President Trump is coming off his worst week since ... his last worst week, which I think was the week before last week. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Or as Trump calls it, 20 under par (Soon-to-be Victim of climate change)

President Trump’s approval rating dropped and is now at just 35 percent. Or as Trump calls it, “20 under par. I’m doing FANTASTIC!” –Jimmy Fallon

I read that Trump’s photographer always brings a stool to events, and photographs Trump from above so he looks taller. While Trump has him shoot his approval ratings from BELOW, so they look HIGHER. –Jimmy Fallon

Pepsi is facing criticism for a controversial new ad that shows a bunch of people protesting, and then Kendall Jenner steps in and solves everyone’s problems by handing the police officer a Pepsi. And even in the commercial, the cop’s like, “Are you all out of Coke?” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

In fairness, that was his first time ever meeting black people (My Pet Scapegoat)

"Mitt Romney was in Jacksonville, Florida, and they had the big Martin Luther King Day parade there. You have to hand it to him. Even though he didn't fit in at all, he made himself right at home there. Take a look [on screen: Romney asking a group of black children 'Who let the dogs out, whoo whoo!']. Did you hear that question he asked? In fairness, that was his first time ever meeting black people." --Jimmy Kimmel

"President Clinton had an embarrassing moment too. Between campaigning for his wife Hillary and pretending to have work to do to avoid going to bed with her, he is exhausted. He was supposed to be listening to Martin Luther King, III [on screen: B. Clinton falling asleep]. I don't know that that was the kind of dream Dr. King had in mind initially." --Jimmy Kimmel

Hail to the mother f------ chief! (SPLAT!)

"The Republicans have moved on from South Carolina to Florida where Mitt Romney yesterday was marching in a Martin Luther King Day parade, and made a valiant effort to reach across cultures and connect with African-Americans [on screen: Romney asking a group of black children 'Who let the dogs out, whoo whoo!']. This courageous attempt to communicate across cultures has many pundits asking the question 'Is Mitt Romney retarded?'" --Stephen Colbert

"We can talk all night about who won the debate, who lost the debate, but I will say one thing. One of the candidates last night was much funnier than the others [on screen: When asked if Bill Clinton was the U.S.' first black POTUS,  Obama saying, 'I would have to, you know, investigate more, you know, Bill's dancing abilities and, you know, some of this other stuff before I accurately judge whether he was in fact a brother. In a race where you have an African-American and a woman and John']. Obama ended, 'A white guy runs for president like this, my objective is to get to the oval office. While the brother is like, hail to the mother f------ chief." --Jon Stewart

Police Make More Weed Arrests Than All Violent Crime Combined

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Police Caught Lying About Protestors In Charlotte North Carolina

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

everyone in Ohio is voting for Martin Sheen (Lester Holt Fever)

The presidential debate on Monday is expected to pull in huge ratings. In fact, the whole country has “Lester Holt Fever.” –Conan O’Brien

There’s a rumor that one in 10 Europeans is conceived in an Ikea bed. So people putting together Ikea furniture are at least using one tool correctly. –Conan O’Brien

Six members of the cast of “The West Wing” are going to campaign for Hillary Clinton at an event in Ohio. The move has backfired, though — now everyone in Ohio is voting for Martin Sheen. –Conan O’Brien

Tim Tebow Prefers Colin Kaepernick Would Protest 'The Right Way'

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Powerful Remarks On Colin Kaepernick Will Make You Rethink The National ...

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

the staffer who informed Hillary is expected to make a full recovery (Great Faith Ministries Church)

Did you see Donald Trump dancing at the gospel church? Donald Trump this weekend, as part of his new initiative to woo African-American voters, visited the Great Faith Ministries Church in Detroit. He said he was there to listen. I don't know what he was listening to but based on his dancing, it clearly wasn't music. –Jimmy Kimmel

After three weddings you'd think he'd have learned how to dance. I bet if you asked him if he's a good dancer he'd say, "Yeah, I'm the best, nobody dances like me." And it's true, nobody does dance like that. –Jimmy Kimmel

The latest CNN poll has Donald Trump beating Hillary Clinton 45 percent to 43 percent. But the good news is, the staffer who informed Hillary is expected to make a full recovery. –Seth Meyers