In fact, earlier today, President Bush promised to rebuild Miss Louisiana (I mean, come on. Cut me a slice of that! Yeah!)

"It was gone, maybe you didn't even know it was gone, but now

it's back, I'm talking about the Miss America pageant. Everybody

has Miss America fever. In fact, earlier today, President Bush

promised to rebuild Miss Louisiana." --David Letterman

"How about the Republican convention? Have you been watching

that? Well, here's the roster of speakers tonight: George W. Bush

is speaking tonight. Joe Lieberman, speaking tonight. Fred

Thompson, speaking tonight. I mean, come on. Cut me a slice

of that! Yeah!" --David Letterman

"It's frightening to be alive, walking around this planet in 2008.

Listen to this. A 20,000-pound satellite has burned out. It's going

to crash into us. It's already starting to plummet and soon it will

explode. There's going to be a fire. Oh, no, wait a minute. I'm sorry,

I'm thinking about the Giuliani campaign" –David Letterman

"Donald Trump as President of the United States. I can't wait for

the Washington monument to turn into a condo."

--David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Evidently, low approval ratings can be contracted through saliva (Another classy move from a classy guy)

Evidently, low approval ratings can be contracted through saliva." --Stephen Colbert, on the effect of President Bush kissing Joe Lieberman

"I'm going to miss him, too. Another classy move from a classy guy. The man who stood tall even as his staffers dropped like laundered nickels from an Indian casino slot machine. He's doing it right folks -- going out at the top of his game in the middle of a criminal investigation." --Stephen Colbert, on Tom DeLay

"The most dangerous movie of the summer, 'An Inconvenient Truth,' starring Al Gore as, surprise, a fear-monger. Now, I've firmly established that I love truth in all its forms: God's honest truth, cold, hard truth, even the awful truth. But, as it turns out, I'm not so crazy about inconvenient truth. Not convenient enough for me." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wal-Mart said it's cheaper to fire people in bulk (he once cheated on one of his wives with a woman named Juanita)

"In Washington, it looks like the Senate is almost done with the healthcare bill. Otherwise known as the Joe Lieberman Insurance Company Preservation Act." –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney, whose father was born in Mexico, is now talking up his Mexican heritage. Not to be outdone today, Newt Gingrich said he once cheated on one of his wives with a woman named Juanita." –Jay Leno

"Wal-Mart announced it's cutting over 11,000 jobs. Wal-Mart said it's cheaper to fire people in bulk." –Jay Leno

"They're now coming out with the new, 75th edition of Monopoly, this time with a round board. No more square boards. And actually, they've updated the whole game. In the new version, the banker is a Wall Street CEO. He overextends mortgages, he loses the bank, and when things go under, he uses his get-out-of-jail-for-free card. So it's all very realistic." –Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich has released a new ad attacking Mitt Romney because he knows how to speak French. Well Mitt Romney is not the only one. Jon Huntsman speaks Chinese and Rick Perry speaks gibberish." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Joe Lieberman Insurance Company Preservation Act (Not funny, Moses!!)

"Hey, this is interesting. After somebody threw a tomato at Sarah Palin

during a book signing at the Mall of America, she went to another signing

at a Costco in Utah, where they took all the tomatoes off the shelves. So

instead she got hit by a three pound bag of frozen spinach ravioli."

–Jimmy Kimmel

"Sarah Palin was photographed in Hawaii this week wearing a 'McCain for President' visor, but she had blacked out the letters of her former running mate's name. She was going to black out all of it, but halfway through, she quit." -Seth Meyers

"And the Golden Globe nominations came out yesterday. President Obama picked up a nomination for best Democrat acting like a Republican. So, congratulations." –Jay Leno

"In Washington, it looks like the Senate is almost done with the healthcare bill. Otherwise known as the Joe Lieberman Insurance Company Preservation Act." –Jay Leno

"Governor Schwarzenegger is in a bit of a feud with former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin right now. They're fighting about global warming. Palin says it isn't proven. Schwarzenegger said she's 'living in the Stone Age.' And Palin really should know not to mess with Arnold Schwarzenegger. This guy has been systematically terminating women named Sarah for many years now." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry  

 

It’s in the chapter called 'You Might Want to Skip This' (somebody blocked the exit, and people panicked)

August 2011

"Yesterday a brawl broke out during a Joe Biden speech in China. Evidently, somebody blocked the exit, and people panicked." –Conan O'Brien

"The CEO of Starbucks said that President Obama shouldn’t be vacationing during a crisis, and that he should be getting Americans back to work — so they can afford a $9 cup of coffee." –Conan O'Brien

"The White House is pointing out that all presidents take vacation. Teddy Roosevelt took trips to Long Island, Harry Truman would go to Key West, and George Bush would go to Legoland." –Conan O'Brien

"Joe Lieberman has written a memoir in which he reveals why having sex with his wife on the Sabbath is so important to him. It’s in the chapter called 'You Might Want to Skip This.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I hear he’s been working on it 24/6 (Medieval conservatives)

"Egyptian President Mubarak’s son Gamal will not run for President. Why would he? An unpopular President is removed from office and his inexperienced son is voted in? That could never happen." –Jimmy Fallon

"Egyptian President Mubarak said President Obama doesn’t understand Egyptian culture. Man, get off your high camel." –Jimmy Fallon

"Joe Lieberman is writing a book about the Jewish Sabbath called “Gift of Rest.” I hear he’s been working on it 24/6." –Jimmy Fallon

"Mitt Romney said in an interview that Sarah Palin would be great as president. He then added, “ . . . of Egypt." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the Joe Lieberman Insurance Company Preservation Act (You're NOT one of my donors!)

"In Washington, it looks like the Senate is almost done with the healthcare bill. Otherwise known as the Joe Lieberman Insurance Company Preservation Act." –Jay Leno

"I read that Washington, D.C. is gonna get a ton of snow this weekend. If it snows hard enough in D.C., the city shuts down and Congress can't get anything done — you know, sort of like when it's not snowing." –Jimmy Fallon

"Of course, the storm is the big story, it is unbelievable. It actually paralyzed Washington more than Joe Lieberman. In fact, there was so much white powder in D.C., people thought Marion Barry was mayor again." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann's skull (Cheney's fondest pipe dream)

"Sure, blacks may be getting ignored now, but isn't that just getting them warmed up for next year, when they're really going to be ignored?" --Daily Show correspondent Larry Wilmore, on the Republican presidential candidates skipping the minority-issue debate

"Sometimes I don't think Congress has America's best interest at heart. For example, when they convene. But every once and a while they pass a bill that restores my faith in the system, like Wednesday's Lieberman-Kyl amendment, which passed by a 76-22 margin and calls on President Bush to declare Iran's Revolutionary Guard a terrorist organization. The president is prosecuting a war on terror. This makes Iran the second front. But not everyone supports our troops enough to give them the job security a war with Iran would provide. People like Senator Jim Webb who voted against the amendment, calling it, 'Dick Cheney's fondest pipe dream.' Well, that is completely unfair. Everyone knows Dick Cheney's fondest pipe dream is driving a bulldozer into the New York Times while drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann's skull" --Stephen Colbert

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

to be fair, even Bush doesn't know what the Bush doctrine is (remaining supporters)

"But now because they are a little worried that Sarah Palin may be a political newcomer and has not spent any time in the national spotlight, so she's being coached by Joe Lieberman. Yeah, I hope Joe Lieberman can pass along some of that excitement that he brought to the Al Gore phenomenon ticket. That's what we're looking for." --David Letterman



"How about this, talk about historic gatherings. I guess it was in New York sometime this week, Bill Clinton yesterday, as a matter of fact, and Barack Obama sat down and had lunch in New York City. And it went very well. Everything was fine. As a matter of fact, we know that Bill Clinton picked up the check. And the waitress." --David Letterman



At one point, Charlie Gibson asked Sarah Palin about the Bush doctrine, but she didn't know what it was. But, you know, to be fair, even Bush doesn't know what the Bush doctrine is." --Jay Leno



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

this nation really needs now is a vice president who looks like Tina Fey (Cut me a slice of that!)

"How about the Republican convention? Have you been watching that? Well, here's the roster of speakers tonight: George W. Bush is speaking tonight. Joe Lieberman, speaking tonight. Fred Thompson, speaking tonight. I mean, come on. Cut me a slice of that! Yeah!" --David Letterman



"The convention kicked off with a big mixer for Republican delegates in Senator Larry Craig's airport restroom stall. Easy to spot: it was the one with the balloons hanging over it." --David Letterman



"And John McCain felt what this nation really needs now is a vice president who looks like Tina Fey." --David Letterman



http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

JOKES: You cannot tell me that that face is still alive (naturally impartial)

"As for Hillary Clinton, she won huge yesterday in the Florida primary, taking 54% of the vote. Florida is a big deal, unlike South Carolina which is not a big deal. I forget why again. Jimmy? [on screen: Bill Clinton saying, 'Jesse Jackson won South Carolina twice in '84 and '88']. That's right. None of this has to do with racial politics. South Carolina is not unimportant because it had too many black voters, but because it had too few old voters. 

Florida is chuck-a-block full of the oldies. And we all know the elderly are the best judge of who should be the next president. And here's why -- they are naturally objective because whoever they vote for, most of them will not live to see that person inaugurated and have those policies affect their lives. This makes them naturally impartial. The only better judges are dead people, who are really independents. I mean, look at Joe Lieberman [on screen: Lieberman]. You cannot tell me that that face is still alive." --Stephen Colbert

Bush's low approval ratings can be contracted through saliva (kissing Joe Lieberman)

"A German publication did an interview with the president and asked Mr. Bush what was his  best moment of his presidency, and he said it was the day that he caught a 7.5 pound perch. I couldn't make that up. Now, he leaves out the part that he was fishing in downtown New Orleans." –Bill Maher

Evidently, low approval ratings can be contracted through saliva." --Stephen Colbert, on the effect of President Bush kissing Joe Lieberman

"President Bush said today he has nothing but respect for Mexico and its people and he will always speak the truth to them. Here's my question: When can we get that deal?" --Jay Leno

kudos to Congress for literally taking a giant s--- on the poorest people in the country

Evidently, low approval ratings can be contracted through saliva." --Stephen Colbert, on the effect of President Bush kissing Joe Lieberman

"The Senate voted not to raise the minimum wage, which for the last 9 years has been $5.15 an hour. They did vote themselves a pay raise, but they didn't vote to raise the minimum wage. I just want to say, 'Good.' I'm glad they didn't do it because the lower strata of American society has had a free ride for too long. And if you gave them $7.25 an hour, you know it would just go up their nose and out their hose. You don't want to give them walking around money. So, kudos to Congress for literally taking a giant s--- on the poorest people in the country." --Jon Stewart

  

"North Korea's Kim Jong-il acknowledged Monday he was developing a nuclear missile program 'to deter attacks from the West.' It's called the Taepo-Dong. Before you laugh, you should know that in Korean, that translates to 'kind of penis.'" --Jon Stewart

Experts say it's proof that President Bush can come up with a bad idea at any level

"President Bush, of course, is responding to the crisis. He's on vacation. That's his plan. He'll show them President Bush is on vacation in Texas right now. This is true. He's urging his staff to join the 100-degree club by running three miles in 100-degree heat. Experts say it's proof that the president can come up with a bad idea at any level." --Conan O'Brien

"Apparently the Dixie Chicks had to cancel 14 shows on their tour, because of slow ticket sales. There's some concern they're losing their fan base. How ironic is that? They finally have something in common with President Bush."  --Jay Leno

"A lot of people think Joe Lieberman lost because of the kiss that President Bush gave him at the State of the Union address. So let that be a little lesson for all the Democratic Senators out there. You wanna keep your job, don't make out with President Bush in public." --Jay Leno 

you can buy a three ounce tube at the airport for $162 (border patrol)

"I'm really looking forward to hearing from George Allen, Republican Senator from Virginia. At a debate last Monday, the senator skirted a question about rumors his mother was Jewish. A day later, he released a statement announcing that the rumors were true, and that he's known about his Jewish heritage for about a month. The guy knew for a month? He didn't say bupkis. Senator Allen, your newfound heritage comes with a heavy responsibility -- making the Republican Party look diverse. Let's face it, the only other famous Republican Jew I can think of is Joe Lieberman. You wasted a whole month, senator, when the big tent could have looked a little bigger. Hey, if Ken Mehlman found out he was black tomorrow, you would know about it." --Stephen Colbert

"The Transportation Security Administration has partially lifted the ban on carry-on liquids for air flights. You can bring liquids on the plane, as long as they are purchased from secure airport stores. What a relief, huh? See now instead of bringing your own hair gel, you can buy a three ounce tube at the airport for $162." --Jay Leno

"The U.S. World News & Report cover story this week is about the fact in just a month the U.S. population will hit 300 million people. The Census Bureau says it will happen October 27th depending on whether they are caught by the border patrol." --Jay Leno

and I thought it was tough switching parties (transgender election)

"As a result of this week's election, the new Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, is now the most powerful woman in the country. After hearing this, Oprah Winfrey said, 'Yeah right.'." --Conan O'Brien

"Donald Rumsfeld was known as the architect of the Iraq war. He can feel proud of what he's built, because it's going to last for years and years and years." --Jay Leno

"It has not been a good week for the Republicans. Actually, this election was like a divorce -- they got rejected, insulted and lost the House." --Jay Leno

"In Hawaii, a transgendered woman, who was born a man, won a statewide election. After hearing about it, Joe Lieberman said, 'Wow and I thought it was tough switching parties.'." --Conan O'Brien

If you've seen one Mubarak you’ve seen Gamal

"Joe Lieberman is writing a book about the Jewish Sabbath called “Gift of Rest.” I hear he’s been working on it 24/6." –Jimmy Fallon



"Mitt Romney said in an interview that Sarah Palin would be great as president. He then added, “ . . . of Egypt." –Jimmy Fallon



"Hosni's son Gamal Mubarak says he does not want to become President, which is just as well. If you've seen one Mubarak you’ve seen Gamal." –Conan O'Brien








John Hulse painting