The Golden Globe nominations were announced (23,000 years)

Donald Trump said Friday that he would try to permanently end Daylight Savings Time by challenging the sun to a staring contest. —Colin Jost

                         

The Golden Globe nominations were announced, with the most going to Amelia Perez, which is a musical about a Mexican cartel leader who transitions into a woman. The movie was written when I asked ChatGPT to make my grandpa's head explode. —Colin Jost 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What better way to address the issue of inequality for women than giving them a day that's missing an hour (A complex world demands complex hair)

"Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: 'A complex world demands complex hair.'" –David Letterman

"Last week I announced that I'm retiring. Now I'm hoping I can hang on long enough so my son can take over the show. I never thought I would retire. I always assumed I would be impeached." –David Letterman

"A huge Air France airbus hit a smaller plane on the runway at JFK. The collision was so loud it woke up one of the air traffic controllers." –David Letterman

"Yesterday was not only daylight savings time, but also International Women's Day. What better way to address the issue of inequality for women than giving them a day that's missing an hour." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

soccer is now the official sport of the NRA (somehow Ben Carson gained four)

Daylight Savings Time began yesterday where we all lost an hour of sleep — and somehow Ben Carson gained four. --Seth Meyers

A source recently told The Washington Post that President Trump still views Ivanka as "his little girl" and he views Eric as seldom as possible. --Seth Meyers

The owner of a Greek soccer team this weekend stormed onto the field during a match waving a handgun. So long story short, soccer is now the official sport of the NRA. --Seth Meyers

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

My statements were basically accurate and reflect reality (writer's strike)

"The writers are going on strike on Monday. They are calling this the toughest time for comedy writing since those three weeks back in the '90s when Bill Clinton stopped dating." --Jay Leno

"Hey, don't forget to turn your clocks back an hour this weekend. You get an extra hour of sleep. It's kind of like watching a Fred Thompson speech." --Jay Leno

"Anybody notice that for daylight saving, the change is later this year? It was supposed to be last week. According to the New York Times, Congress made this decision in part from pressure from the candy lobby, who wanted an extra hour for trick or treating. Isn't that unbelievable? I mean, the research lobby can't get stem cell research through. The consumer lobby, we can't get lead out of toys. But by God, when it comes to an extra hour of eating sugar, the candy lobby has the power." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

the governor usually has a prostitute change his clocks (whether it's shaped like Florida)

"Tonight, Hillary Clinton says the states she's won are bigger than Obama's. I say it's not the size that counts but whether it's shaped like Florida." --Stephen Colbert

"New York Post, I call dibs on 'Eliot Mess.' Huge news today. New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer has admitted involvement with a prostitution ring. I just hope the press deals with this tastefully (On screen: Picture of Spitzer, Headline: WHORES!)" --Stephen Colbert

"The governor was supposed to give a press conference today at 2:15 pm but a whole hour passed before he spoke. To be fair, it is Daylight Savings time, and the governor usually has a prostitute change his clocks." --Stephen Colbert

"I want to make one thing perfectly clear, okay folks, Gov. Spitzer is a friend of the show. That never changes. I've sat next to the guy three times and I didn't pick up on any of this, and I usually have excellent Whore-dar." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

Maybe he'll host the Oscars next year

Ted Cruz stopped Trump in Texas. Then the plan is if they get to the convention, they're going to have Dr. Ben Carson sew all their bodies together to form one enormous super-candidate who just might have enough delegates to win. –Jimmy Kimmel

President Obama seems like he's enjoying this whole thing. He spoke at a fundraiser in Dallas where he took a moment to ruminate about Donald Trump-brand wine. I think Obama's in his "I only have 10 months left so to hell with it" phase. Maybe he'll host the Oscars next year. –Jimmy Kimmel

The big story of the day, bigger than politics, bigger than sports, bigger than anything, was "The Bachelor." The only good thing about Daylight Savings Time is we didn't have to wait another hour to find out who Ben chose. –Jimmy Kimmel

One slip of the knife and your elite eight becomes a final four

This weekend was Daylight Savings Time and we all lost an hour of our lives. Plus, I watched the Republican debate so I actually lost three hours of my life. –James Corden

A vasectomy is not something you want to get at the busiest time of the year. It's not an iPhone. It's an unnecessary surgery on the most delicate part of your body. You know if they screw it up, there's no amount of basketball games that's going to make it OK. One slip of the knife and your elite eight becomes a final four. –James Corden

Trump University did not make it this year. Apparently the NCAA has these really strict rules that say the college can't be a made-up Ponzi scheme. –James Corden