Solving the labor shortage in America (Daniel-Day Lewis wishes he looked this good)

David Letterman's "Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear

From A Guy Dressed As Abraham Lincoln"

10. "How about you and I form a more perfect union?"

9. "Who wants to touch my beard?"

8. "Daniel-Day Lewis wishes he looked this good"

7. "Is it true Bloomberg outlawed hats over 16 ounces?"

6. "Damn, girl, you make Mary Todd look like Ulysses S. Grant"

5. (Holding $5 bill next to face) "Does the $5 bill make me look fat?"

4. "Wow, I thought my clothing was outdated"

3. "It's Presidents' Day, how 'bout a hug?"

2. "Hey, where's my idiot son, Abraham W. Lincoln?"

1. "Hey, jackass, you gonna thank me for the day off?"

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s kinda neat but it feels unnatural because you know one of them gonna get snacky (They are schedule 1 controlled delicious)

April 2023

“A Texas federal judge’s decided to suspend the FDA’s approval of a common abortion pill. Evidently, this judge thinks he knows more about medication than the FDA. The medication, mifepristone, has been on the market for more than 20 years. You can’t just randomly ban things that have been around for decades just because you don’t like them! You know how I know that? Mel Gibson.” —Stephen Colbert

“According to a new poll, 70% of Americans oppose the ban, including 53% of Republicans. Wait a second! Democrats and Republicans agree on something? That feels weird. It’s like one of those unlikely animal friendships, where you see a deer and a lion. It’s kinda neat but it feels unnatural because you know one of them gonna get snacky.” —Stephen Colbert

“More than 400 leaders of the pharmaceutical industry also condemned the decision with a letter, which pointed out that mifepristone is ‘safer than Tylenol, nearly all antibiotics and insulin’. So it seems like there wasn’t much about protecting public health in this ruling. We ingest way worse stuff than medication. Have you tried fried Oreos? They are schedule 1 controlled delicious.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The bosses called it “tons of fun” while employees called it “mandatory.” (Biden isn't about any of that)

March Madness is officially underway. An interesting poll says that 17 percent of March Madness viewers watched the game with their boss last year. The bosses called it “tons of fun” while employees called it “mandatory.” --Jimmy Fallon

Bill Gates and Donald Trump actually have a lot in common, because they’ve both given away millions of dollars. Gates calls it philanthropy, while Trump calls it hush money. --Jimmy Fallon

Cancun, Mexico, was just named the best spring break destination, and thousands of Americans are expected to visit. And the people of Mexico were like, “Never thought we’d say this, but what’s the ETA on Trump’s wall?” --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know something, you really got to see her perform live (they ask you to meet the ambulance half way)

 

"It could now be profitable for oil companies to start drilling for oil in Los Angeles again. And once again, I think President Bush doesn't really understand this issue. Like today, he announced the drawing of a contingency plan to invade the San Fernando Valley." --Jay Leno

"And porn star Jenna Jameson is pregnant. Boy, that John Edwards gets around." --Jay Leno

"No, it turns out Ashley Dupre is also a singer. You can hear her song on MySpace. She doesn't have a bad voice. Although, today, the governor said, 'You know something, you really got to see her perform live.'" --Jay Leno

"High gas prices leave a bad taste in people's mouths, have you noticed that? That's mostly from the siphoning, but still it's a horror. In fact, gas is so expensive in L.A., now when you call 9-1-1, they ask you to meet the ambulance half way." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”