I heard it’s going to be a real snausage fest (FDA Approved)

According to a new book, President Trump and First Lady Melania were seen at Mar-A-Lago on Thanksgiving holding hands and "kissing as if nobody else existed." Meyers as Trump, "That was Melania?" --Seth Meyers

Today was International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day. There’s a party later tonight, but I heard it’s going to be a real snausage fest. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's going to go down to his old dudgeon and play the organ (she's going to have to tell people when she's winking)

"And then in the spirit of this, I thought it was nice today, Rush Limbaugh called up Professor Gates and Officer Crowley and he invited them over for some OxyContin." --David Letterman

"Sarah Palin announced she's leaving as governor of Alaska and everybody said 'Well, what is she going to do?' She wants to host a radio show, like a daily talk show. And of course, with that, she's going to have to tell people when she's winking." --David Letterman

"And you know who else is going to be at the Beer Summit? Dick Cheney, former Vice President Dick 'Kaboom' Cheney will be there. He's going to go down to his old dudgeon and play the organ." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's going to go down to his old dudgeon and play the organ (he invited them over for some OxyContin)

"Mitt Romney is going to be in London for the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, and he plans to take his tax returns and drop them into the torch." –David Letterman

"And then in the spirit of this, I thought it was nice today, Rush Limbaugh called up Professor Gates and Officer Crowley and he invited them over for some OxyContin." --David Letterman

 "Michele Bachmann says if she is elected president, she will outlaw gay marriage – and ban Neil Patrick Harris from hosting the Tony Awards." –David Letterman

"They had the big beer summit earlier tonight at the White House. President Obama had a beer with Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and the policeman who arrested him. And you know who else is going to be at the Beer Summit? Dick Cheney, former Vice President Dick 'Kaboom' Cheney will be there. He's going to go down to his old dudgeon and play the organ." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five (Rush Limbaugh's worst nightmare)

"Mitt Romney announced that he's going to the Olympics in London next month. No word yet on whether he will be rooting for Switzerland, Bermuda, Luxemburg or the Cayman Islands." –Jay Leno

 

"In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five." --Jay Leno

"An Indiana man has pleaded guilty to strapping four kids to the hood of his car and then driving them around. So it looks like Mitt Romney may have found his running mate." –Jay Leno

"It looks like John McCain has gotten the nod. Of course, McCain getting the nomination, this is Rush Limbaugh's worst nightmare since the pharmacist said, "We're out of OxyContin." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Such is its fear of their power (they did not deploy Iron Man)

May 2013

"If you think Benghazi is worse than slavery, the Trail of Tears, Japanese internment, Tuskegee, purposefully injecting Guatemalan mental patients with syphilis, lying about WMDs, and the fact that banks today are still foreclosing on mortgages they don't own, then your hard-on for Obama has lasted more than four hours, and you need to call a doctor." –Bill Maher

"The Obama administration is experiencing multiple scandals, and the Republicans are having multiple orgasms. Three scandals at once? Rush Limbaugh today said, 'I feel like I'm on Oxycontin again.'" –Bill Maher

"Most of the media resisted picking up the Fox News talking points about Benghazi because they were made up, but now that's there's three bullsh*t scandals that we're in, we are so there. They are so obsessed with this, Amanda Knox could fall down a well and get eaten by a shark, they wouldn't report it this week." –Bill Maher

"Today, the oversight committee demanded to know why, on the night of the attack in Benghazi, they did not deploy Iron Man." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess that circle ain’t gonna jerk itself (he traded the medal for a bottle of Oxy)

The audience for Trump’s victory speech in the White House. The audience for Trump’s speech consisted of his legal team and republican lawmakers, cause I guess that circle ain’t gonna jerk itself. —Michael Che

During the State of the Union Trump awarded Rush Limbaugh the Presidential Medal of Freedom. And then immediately after the speech, in a more touching moment, Rush traded the medal for a bottle of Oxy. —Michael Che

The Michigan State University gift shop was forced to remove a display of dolls, depicting black historical figures hanging from a rack. Worse, they were being sold for three-fifths the price. —Michael Che

A gas station may lose its business license  after it was discovered that a male porn star recorded a video there. Even sadder it was self-pump. —Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I mean, the dude has been burned twice/He better not be vaping!/Did you know?

During Mr. Trump’s remarks on vaping, he told reporters that the first lady, Melania, had taken an interest in the subject because “she has a son” — an odd reference to the couple’s teenage son, Barron Trump. --Jimmy Fallon

“Or so I hear, I’ve not seen him for a while. He better not be vaping!” --Jimmy Kimmel  (as Trump)

“At least Darth Vader claimed his son. If Trump was the dark lord, he would be like, ‘Luke, she is your mother.’” --Trevor Noah

“The first lady has got a son — together. It’s a mutual son. Of course, I’m very involved with the doings of it, and so is the first lady, who is a lovely mother, together, who I love and know her name. So well that I won’t waste your time saying it out loud.” --Stephen Colbert (as Trump) 

“But, look, you can’t fault Trump for not being super eager to claim responsibility for his son. I mean, the dude has been burned twice.” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And I'm Not In Jail? Go Me. (she got a cramp in her wink)

"Anybody reading the 'Going Rogue' book, the Sarah Palin memoir? Remember the interview she did with Katie Couric before the election and it was confusing and clumsy. Well, in the book, Sarah Palin says that she felt ambushed when Katie Couric asked her what newspapers she read. This coming from a woman who hunts wolves from a helicopter." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin signed copies — she's out on a massive book tour. This is a huge bestseller. She was at Barnes & Noble today and she actually had to take a break because she got a cramp in her wink." –David Letterman

"Then she got a sore hand from signing so many book copies. She had to call Rush Limbaugh to get some OxyContin, and that put her right where she wanted to be." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

Apparently it does not cover breast implants for their mistresses (he invited them over for some OxyContin)

"And then in the spirit of this, I thought it was nice today, Rush Limbaugh called up Professor Gates and Officer Crowley and he invited them over for some OxyContin." --David Letterman

"But Osama's favorite son, of course, was Osama W. bin Laden. He was - no, he wasn't too bright.'" --David Letterman

"But you know who really is opposed to the Obama healthcare plan? The Republicans. Apparently it does not cover breast implants for their mistresses so they think, 'We don't want it. We don't need it.''" --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Harry Potter goes up against Dick Cheney and his secret CIA hit squad (Hindsight is 2020)

"But Obama admitted today that after throwing out the first pitch, his arm was a little sore. And today, Rush Limbaugh offered him some OxyContin." --David Letterman

"How about that Harry Potter movie? Opened today as a matter of fact. In this one, Harry goes up against Dick Cheney and his secret CIA hit squad." --David Letterman

"Ladies and gentlemen, California may have solved its budget problems. True story -- a politician in California has proposed a plan that eliminates the state's budget deficit by legalizing and taxing the sale of marijuana. It's called Proposition Fo' Shizzle." --Conan O'Brien

"Here in California, we have no money. Our budget situation is a mess. And when you have no money, what do you do? You sell drugs, right? A state representative from San Francisco just introduced a bill that would legalize marijuana. He claims it would raise almost $1.5 billion a year for the state in taxes, and another $3 billion in Cheeto sales." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Cheney's been upgraded from hated to unpopular (So she's going to be fine)

"Here's fascinating news. Dick Cheney, do you remember Dick Cheney? Dick 'Boom Boom' Cheney. His approval rating is up to 26%, up to 26%. Yeah, crazy, isn't it? He's been upgraded from hated to unpopular." --David Letterman

"I'm not surprised that Dick Cheney's approval rating has really soared, really skyrocketed, up to 26%. Because you know, he gave people what they wanted. He left office." --David Letterman

"But I thought this was nice. When he heard she broke her elbow, Rush Limbaugh sent over some painkillers. So she's going to be fine." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

earlier today, Dick Cheney came out in favor of same-sex waterboarding (depending on how much OxyContin he can get his hands on)

"Rush Limbaugh, you know Rush Limbaugh? The new face of the Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh. He says now, listen to this, he says now that he might support Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor. Yes, depending on how much OxyContin he can get his hands on." --David Letterman

"How about that Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Il? Oh my gosh, what's the deal on that guy. He's a little squirrelly, right? And he's going to step down. He's no longer going to be running North Korea. He's turning power over to his son, Kim Jong W-Il. But that was a big disappointment to his other son, Jeb Il." --David Letterman

"Have you noticed all of the dictators are stepping down? Castro stepping down. Kim Jong-Il. Dick Cheney. They're all taking a break." --David Letterman

"I think Dick Cheney is getting a little wacky, because earlier today, he came out in favor of same-sex waterboarding. Dick, are you all right? Are you okay, Dick?" --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

JOKES: Which brings up the philosophical question: Which one is closer to God?

"Mitt Romney threw in the monogrammed towel. That leaves McCain and Huckabee. The old guy and the preacher. Which brings up the philosophical question: Which one is closer to God?" --Jay Leno

"It looks like John McCain has gotten the nod. Of course, McCain getting the nomination, this is Rush Limbaugh's worst nightmare since the pharmacist said, "We're out of OxyContin." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton has the support of Bill Clinton, L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, and San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, or as she calls them, the party unfaithful." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Stop attacking my integrity!

“Toronto City Council yesterday stripped him of his powers – whatever they are besides staying fat while smoking crack – because they found out that he was at a party recently where he did cocaine, vodka, OxyContin and apparently was cavorting with a prostitute. Rob Ford, always defiant said 'Stop attacking my integrity! Anybody who knows me will tell you I am too s***faced to get it up.'" –Bill Maher



"It's another bad week for Rob Ford, the troubled mayor of Toronto. This week he said there may be more skeletons in his closet. More skeletons? I hope they're just old chicken wings he threw in there." –Craig Ferguson

I feel like I'm on Oxycontin again

"The Obama administration is experiencing multiple scandals, and the Republicans are having multiple orgasms. Three scandals at once? Rush Limbaugh today said, 'I feel like I'm on Oxycontin again.'" –Bill Maher



"Conservative groups told congressmen that they experienced long delays and were asked to answer unusually detailed questions. They said they felt like black people trying to vote in Florida." –Bill Maher on the Tea Party groups targeted by the IRS



"New Rule: Stop believing Chris Christie when he says he got lap band surgery for his family. He did it because he wants to be president in 2016, and being that obese is kind of a scandal in itself. He did it because there are skeletons in his closet. Of cows." –Bill Maher