It's like the White House version of 'Freaky Friday.' (It is expected to be very popular...at first)

April 2014

"While he was in Japan today, President Obama visited a science museum, where he played soccer with a robot. Joe Biden is negotiating with the prime minister in Ukraine, and Obama is playing soccer with a robot. It's like the White House version of 'Freaky Friday.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama is visiting Japan, and for dinner last night he had $300 sushi. That's a lot of dough, but you know, it comes with unlimited bread sticks. And Mercury poisoning is covered by Obamacare." –David Letterman

"Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel announced plans to build the Barack Obama College Preparatory High School, which will open in 2017. The Obama school is expected to be very popular...at first." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now, he's saying it's the fault of the teachers unions (Corporate Welfare Gone Wild!)

"Moammar Gadhafi said that Libyan protesters were all on drugs, and then he blamed it on Al Qaeda. Now, he's saying it's the fault of the teachers unions." –Jay Leno

"Gas is so expensive now that BP actually started inspecting their oil rigs." –Jay Leno

"The price of oil is rising because of all the unrest in the Middle East. And the unrest in Wisconsin is causing the price of cheese to go through the roof." –Jay Leno

"Congratulations to Rahm Emanuel on being elected mayor of Chicago. His first order of business after taking office will be to actually move to Chicago." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Well, isn't that the morbidly obese pot calling the kettle African-American? (he got away from Joe Biden)

"Congratulations to Rahm Emanuel on being elected as mayor of Chicago. How do I know he will win? It's Chicago, I called a guy last week to find out." –Craig Ferguson

"If Rahm Emanuel is elected as mayor, he'll have to keep his language clean. He wouldn't want to sully the otherwise spotless reputation of Chicago politics." –Craig Ferguson

"It must have been a tough decision for Rahm to leave the White House, because if he doesn't get elected mayor, he may be unemployed. But either way, he got away from Joe Biden." –Craig Ferguson

"Rush Limbaugh called Michelle Obama a hypocrite, criticizing her for eating ribs on vacation and said she isn't following her own dietary guidelines. Well, isn't that the morbidly obese pot calling the kettle African-American?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"Rush shouldn't talk. He would eat his own ribs if you put sauce on them." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Charlie Sheen just boarded a plane to Libya (One time in college)

"Rahm Emanuel is expected to win the election for mayor of Chicago. In keeping with Chicago tradition, his victory was announced two weeks ago." –Conan O'Brien 

"Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi said that people protesting against him are under the influence of 'hallucination pills.' In a related story, Charlie Sheen just boarded a plane to Libya." –Conan O'Brien

"In order to acknowledge gay members, Facebook added two new relationship options: 'In a civil union' and 'In a domestic partnership.' Then, to make sure they didn’t miss anyone, they added 'One time in college.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Within ten minutes we had fifty jokes, all with the same punch line. Arnold Schwarzenegger (Thank God I don’t live here)

"After the big snowstorm in Chicago, Mayoral candidate Rahm Emanuel has been pitching in digging stranded cars out of the snow. Of course he didn’t help his campaign by telling people, 'Thank God I don’t live here.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Hosni's son Gamal Mubarak says he does not want to become President, which is just as well. If you've seen one Mubarak you’ve seen Gamal." –Conan O'Brien

"A zoo in Britain has a gorilla that walks upright. Not only that, but he texts while he’s doing it. I heard about this. Within ten minutes we had fifty jokes, all with the same punch line. Arnold Schwarzenegger." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

In fact, today they introduced the Chick-on-Chick-fil-A (so it’s pretty scary either way)

"Experts now say the protests in Egypt were started by bloggers. Bloggers started the whole thing on Facebook. In fact, the No. 1 choice to replace Mubarak — Justin Bieber." –Jay Leno

"Chicago is expecting 20 inches of snow. Rahm Emanuel says he’s happy he doesn’t really live there." –Jay Leno

"The owners of Chick-fil-A restaurants were very anti-gay-marriage, but now they’ve reversed their stand, In fact, today they introduced the Chick-on-Chick-fil-A." –Jay Leno

"Astronomers say that 8 years from today an asteroid has a 1 in 200,000 chance of hitting Earth. About the same chance Sarah Palin has of becoming President, so it’s pretty scary either way." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

if for no other reason than the raw sexual tension (nothing will fundamentally change)

"A court has ruled that Rahm Emanuel is not legally allowed to run for mayor of Chicago, which in Chicago I believe means he won." –Stephen Colbert

"A Chicago court ruled former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel can’t run for Mayor of Chicago. However, according to Chicago law, he’s free to purchase the position." –Conan O'Brien

"MSNBC has abruptly ended their relationship with Keith Olbermann, and according to his contract he's not allowed back on television for at least six months. Or as industry experts call it, The Conan." –Conan O'Brien

"Tomorrow is the State of the Union Address, and Republicans and Democrats will sit together intermingled, if for no other reason than the raw sexual tension." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

if there's one name that comes to mind when you're in a no-room-for-error crisis, it's George W. Bush (he's on the case)

"Barack Obama has been now finally getting on the campaign trail trying to help [Democrats]. Their big plan is a series of what they call backyard visits where the President speaks to people in their backyards in Middle America. Because nothing calms the fears of Middle Americans like having a black man suddenly appear in your backyard." –Bill Maher

"As if all this news is not bad enough, today, President Bush announced he's on the case. Because if there's one name that comes to mind when you're in a no-room-for-error crisis, it's George Bush." --Bill Maher

"Rahm Emanuel, the chief of staff, is quitting. He said he loves it in Washington, he just wanted to spend more time with his f*cking family." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Ten Ways Barack Obama Can Boost His Popularity With Younger Voters (that means you report directly to Oprah)

"Rahm Emanuel is leaving the Obama administration. He wants to become mayor of Chicago. If you're mayor of Chicago, that means you report directly to Oprah." –David Letterman

David Letterman's "Top Ten Ways Barack Obama Can Boost His Popularity With Younger Voters"

10. Refer to himself as the Chillaxer-in-Chief

9. Limit speeches to 140 characters or less

8. Broadcast all Oval Office addresses in 3D

7. Replace Rahm Emanuel with a hunky, brooding vampire

6. Trade in Air Force One for rocket-powered Obama-cycle

5. Answer tough questions with "Whatevs"

4. Change name to Bajustin Obieber

3. Refer to his abdominal muscles as "The Administration"

2. Check into rehab, go to prison, check back into rehab, go back to prison, check back into rehab

1. Join Team Coco

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The secret to living well and longer is: (and 100% of Ladies Gaga)

"Everybody is talking about Bob Woodward's new book, 'Obama's War.' In the book, he says Joe Biden called Middle East advisor Richard Holbrooke, 'the most egotistical bastard I've ever met.' Then Rahm Emanuel's like, 'What am I, invisible?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell is supported by 82% of Democrats, 64% of Republicans and 100% of Ladies Gaga." –Jon Stewart

"As you know, Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell has come out against masturbation. Well, she is already paying a heavy price for taking this stance. In fact, today, the powerful hand lotion lobby has endorsed her opponent." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

lift American spirits/Cheat Sheets and Moose Meats/wearing mittens

"Did you see Sarah Palin at the Tea Party Convention on Saturday? Well, this is — I'm starting to love her, really. She mocked President Obama for using a teleprompter and then, someone noticed she had notes written on her hand. And she had the words 'energy,' 'budget,' with the word 'cuts' crossed off, 'tax,' and 'lift American spirits' written on her palm. It lifted my spirits, so — mission accomplished, I guess." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Actually, Sarah Palin is no dummy. This is actually a calculated move designed to promote her new book, 'Cheat Sheets and Moose Meats.' It's a collection of recipes that that you can write in moose blood right on your hand." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Sarah Palin's also getting criticized because last week she demanded that Obama's chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, step down because he used the word retarded. But then, Rush Limbaugh did the same thing on his radio show and that, she said, was O.K. Unfortunately, she's been unable to respond to the criticism because she's wearing mittens." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The candidate that gives a sh*t about you (throwing Frisbees at Joe Biden)

"Anyway, reports are saying that the White House staff loved Obama’s new dog. But the chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, is jealous, because until the puppy arrived, he was the cutest little guy in the White House." --Craig Ferguson

"President Obama says his daughters will take care of the dog, but who picks up the dog's poop after the kids go to sleep? Well, that duty will fall on a low-level employee with nothing else to do. Joe Biden's going to be cleaning up." --Craig Ferguson

"Bo arrived just in time, because Sasha and Malia were getting tired of throwing Frisbees at Joe Biden." --Jimmy Fallon

"Bo, that's a great name, although they almost named it after the other dog from the White House, Bill." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”