Unless, of course, God turns out to be a Mexican woman who's a Muslim

Two new government studies report that America's obesity problem is getting worse. Both studies came with a Happy Meal. –Conan O’Brien

In an interview, Donald Trump said he won't have to ask God for "much forgiveness." Unless, of course, God turns out to be a Mexican woman who's a Muslim. –Conan O’Brien

It's official now, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have both clinched the nomination for their respective parties. Which means we could be looking at our first female president or our last president. –Seth Meyers

In a prepared speech last night, Donald Trump told supporters he is going to take care of our African-American people. Though, I don't think he should have added, "Once and for all." –Seth Meyers

An Oklahoma woman was arrested for attempting to have her kids blow into her car's breathalyzer so that she could drive drunk. Even worse, her kids failed. –Seth Meyers