The pope believes the New England Patriots have been deflating his giant hat (The smart money is on Tim Tebow)

"Big news coming out of the Vatican. Pope Benedict resigned. And they're busy looking for replacements. The smart money is on Tim Tebow." –David Letterman

"Pope Francis is going to go to Washington, D.C., to address Congress. He believes the New England Patriots have been deflating his giant hat." –David Letterman

"People are still talking about the Super Bowl. It was the most watched TV program of all time. The second most-watched event was the episode of 'Dallas' where J.R. gets shot in the face by Dick Cheney." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You mean George Washington's real last name was Mar-A-Lago Golf Course? (When murder hornets hit Louisiana)

Some more news about the President just came out that during a trip to George Washington's home in Mount Vernon, Trump was amazed that Washington didn't name the property after himself. This is real. Trump said, "if Washington was smart, he would've put his name on it. You've got to put your name on stuff or no one remembers you." When a staffer said, "Sir, where you live is named after him." Trump was like, "You mean George Washington's real last name was Mar-A-Lago Golf Course?" --Jimmy Fallon

I read that hoarding is getting worse in the U.S. and affects over 15 million Americans. Of course it might be higher now, 'cuz I read that in a newspaper I've been saving since 2003. –Jimmy Fallon

Researchers in California found that 74 percent of mothers confessed that they like one child better than another. Then one mother said, “Don’t use my name, 'cuz I don't want Jeb to find out.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To Kill a Mockingbird by Giving It Medical Advice from Facebook (telling lies next to a dildo shop)

August 2021

“This week, MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell held a livestreamed cybersymposium, for which he hired a cyber expert ‘red team’ and gave them what he said was 37 terabytes of irrefutable evidence that hackers broke into election systems using intercepted ‘packet captures.’ ‘Packet captures,’ of course, is a technical term that you might know by their street name, ‘pillow cases.’” —Stephen Colbert

“On top of that, Rudy Giuliani’s law license in Washington was suspended, and he was suspended from practicing law in New York due to ‘demonstrably false and misleading’ statements about the election — which means he’s cut off from his previous source of income: telling lies next to a dildo shop.” —Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, when it comes to Covid, the news should be R-rated for ‘Are we ever going to get out of this? Coronavirus case numbers have risen dramatically in the south, a region with some of the lowest vaccination rates in the country. You can read all about it in the classic southern novel To Kill a Mockingbird by Giving It Medical Advice from Facebook.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

teleworking from his home office on the 18th green at Mar-a-Lago (then died slipping on a banana peel)

“And yet, the president still refuses to wear a mask. Last week, he and Melania, both without masks, attended a ceremony for the 75th anniversary of victory in Europe which included several veterans in their 90s. Whatever Trump’s excuse was, I just hope all those veterans are safe. Because could you imagine surviving Hitler, only to be taken out by Trump? That would be so anticlimactic. It would be like if Batman beat Bane, and then died slipping on a banana peel.” —Trevor Noah

“Anywhere between one to two thousand Americans are dying every day from the coronavirus and yet rather than confront that reality, Trump is doing the only thing he knows, and that’s lying his way through it. He’s trying to dead-eye mind-trick Americans into thinking coronavirus will simply go away. For example, Trump told reporters on Friday that coronavirus would soon disappear, even without a vaccine, despite news that two White House staffers had tested positive and a letter from the White House management office encouraging staff to ‘practice maximum telework’ and to ‘work remotely if at all possible’. Well, that’s easy for Trump since he’s already spent the last three years teleworking from his home office on the 18th green at Mar-a-Lago. Think about that: the president is telling people to get back into the workforce while his own White House tells employees to stay home. One day he’s going to call a press conference to tell us that murder hornets are fake news while a dozen of them carry him back to their nest.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I mean, what’s next? Nunchuck wolves? (It’s just how I’m wired)

“As if we didn’t have enough to worry about, as if things weren’t already insane, the country is now being invaded by something called murder hornets. These are hornets, they’re two inches long, and they kill people and bees. So, looks like we’re never leaving our houses again.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Two murder hornets were spotted in Washington State driving a red Ford F-250 north on Interstate 5. An official from the Washington State Department of Agriculture said the hornets are probably not going to murder someone, so don’t panic. OK, great. When I hear ‘probably not going to murder,’ I panic. It’s just how I’m wired. ” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Right now, 2020 Mother Nature is out of control. A killer virus is one thing, but murder hornets? Sounds like someone is just combining the scariest words. I mean, what’s next? Nunchuck wolves?” —Trevor Noah

“Honestly, these murder hornets just sound like psychos. They cut off the heads of bees and they mash up the thorax into a meatball and fly it back to feed their larvae. I thought only Rudy Giuliani fed his family that way.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”