I’m just spitballin’ here, what say we invade Poland? (I was paraphrasing him)

“The Colorado Supreme Court ruled yesterday that former President Trump is ineligible to run again for president, while the Florida Supreme Court ruled he already won.” — Seth Meyers

“After facing comparisons to Adolf Hitler, former President Trump said yesterday that immigrants are destroying the blood of our country and added, ‘They said, “Oh, Hitler said that in a much different way.”’ But you’ve already lost the argument if you have to say, ‘Guys, I wasn’t quoting Hitler — I was paraphrasing him.’” — Seth Meyers

“That’s right, after facing comparisons to Adolf Hitler, Trump said that immigrants are destroying the blood of our country and added, ‘I’ve never read “Mein Kampf.”’ Yeah, no one thought you had. I’d be surprised if you read ‘The Art of the Deal.’” — Seth Meyers

“[imitating Trump] Everyone is saying that I’ve read ‘Mein Kampf,’ but that is a lie: I reached the same conclusions as Hitler independently. And while I’ve got your attention — folks, hold on — while I’ve got your attention, and I’m just spitballin’ here, what say we invade Poland?” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, it happens more than you’d think, said FBI Agent Seymour Butts. (Yeah yeah, heard you the first time)

"The Winter Olympics are around the corner. President Vladimir Putin says people will be allowed to protest the Winter Olympics as long as they stay in a designated protesting zone. When they asked where the zone is located Putin said, 'Poland.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"First Lady Michelle Obama is staying at Oprah's house in Hawaii this week. Oprah told her housekeeper to make sure Michelle has clean linens at all times — then Stedman said, 'Yeah yeah, heard you the first time.'" –Jimmy Fallon

When an FBI agent first contacted the DNC to tell them they’d been hacked, the person who took the call thought it was a prank. “Yeah, it happens more than you’d think,” said FBI Agent Seymour Butts. –Jimmy Fallon

China's new law allowing couples to have two children instead of just one went into effect in the new year. So if you thought you felt an earthquake, don't worry — it was just a billion people being told they were allowed to have unprotected sex at the exact same moment. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bush said that his comments last week were based on 'intelligencia malo.' (What do you mean Jim's dead?)

"Despite President Bush saying last week that the national anthem should only be sung in English, it was revealed several times during his 2000 presidential campaign, the song was performed in Spanish. Bush said that his comments last week were based on 'intelligencia malo.'" --Amy Poehler

"Poland's prime minister, Donald Tusk, visited President Bush in Washington this week to discuss modernizing the Polish military. Specifically, replacing all the screen doors on Polish submarines." --Amy Poehler

"According to a national response plan, the U.S. government forecasts massive disruption if bird flu arises, with as much as 40% of the national workforce off the job. It's called the 'Holy God, what the hell is going on? What do you mean Jim's dead? Everyone shut up. I need to think. Are you coughing? Oh great, now we're all dead' plan." --Amy Poehler

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Luckily, thanks to BP, the ocean will still have plenty (all the pages are blank)

July 2014

"At the World Cup, Germany defeated Brazil 7-1. Germany really mauled Brazil. In fact, Angela Merkel scored two goals." –David Letterman 

"Germany took care of Brazil. Now it's on to Poland, Austria, and Czechoslovakia." —David Letterman

"Yesterday, Brazil lost to Germany in the World Cup semifinals by a score of 7 to 1. People in Brazil were so upset that they partied only until 3 in the morning." –Seth Meyers 

"According to a new report from BP, the earth will run out of oil in 53 years. Luckily, thanks to BP, the ocean will still have plenty." –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, according to the new approval ratings, you're pretty close (Eventually you're getting attacked, right?)

June 2014

"President Obama had lunch with Hillary Clinton. Hillary told the president, 'After phoning my top advisers, I think I'll run for office.' And the president said, 'I know. I listened in.'" –Craig Ferguson

"A lot of people in Washington were shocked by this Obama-Hillary meeting. I'm not sure about Nancy Pelosi. She looks shocked all the time." –Craig Ferguson

"President Obama is in Poland. He's not doing anything official. He just wants to go before Putin invades. Poland shares a border with Ukraine, which shares a border with Russia. It's kind of like living two doors down from Alec Baldwin. Eventually you're getting attacked, right?" –Craig Ferguson

"The United States has traded an American POW for five Taliban prisoners. Originally, the deal included Joe Biden, but the Taliban said no." –David Letterman

"I think the second term is getting to President Obama. He is saying that he wishes he could be anonymous. And I say: Hey, according to the new approval ratings, you're pretty close." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

well, it would make a good golf course (De-nazify?)

February 2022

“In less than a day, Putin’s “special military operation” – an unprovoked attack on its neighbor – left Ukrainian cities in chaos, highways clogged with civilians fleeing west, subway stations turned into bomb shelters. And the Russian leader had a pretty lame excuse to justify it. In a propaganda-laden speech Thursday morning, Putin claimed the attack was intended to ‘de-nazify’ the Ukrainian government. De-nazify? That’s hard to do when you’re acting like de-Nazis.” –Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, Donald Trump has been out there pushing a pro-Putin agenda forever, and he was still out there last night in a speech at Mar-a-Gulago. On Wednesday evening, Trump addressed a fundraising dinner and praised Putin’s unilateral declaration that two eastern provinces of Ukraine were independent. ‘Listen, he’s taking over a country, really a vast, vast location,’ said Trump, ‘a great piece of land with a lot of people, and just walking right in.’ Everything is a real estate deal with this guy! It’s the biggest attack on a European country since World War II! When Hitler invaded Poland, FDR didn’t say ‘well, it would make a good golf course.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

marriage is still a sacred bond between a man and his six wives (the power of the people)

January 2014

"The Supreme Court has halted gay marriages in Utah. The Supreme Court said that in Utah marriage is still a sacred bond between a man and his six wives." –Conan O'Brien

"Tomorrow marks the one-month countdown to the Winter Olympics in Russia. Vladimir Putin said, 'Athletes, you got one month left to train — and gay athletes, one month left to stop being gay.'" –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama returned to D.C. on Saturday. But he left first lady Michelle Obama in Hawaii for a few days as part of an early birthday present. You can tell a couple has been married a while when a good birthday present is spending time apart." –Jimmy Fallon

"The Winter Olympics are around the corner. President Vladimir Putin says people will be allowed to protest the Winter Olympics as long as they stay in a designated protesting zone. When they asked where the zone is located Putin said, 'Poland.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The postal service is now saying that they are raising the price of a stamp from 46 cents to 49 cents. They would have made it an even 50 but that would have made the line at the post office go too fast." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

that discussion may get awkward on Wednesday when China buys Poland (Thanks, I owe you one)

November 2013

"In a new interview today, Sarah Palin refused to endorse Chris Christie. Afterward, Christie told Palin, 'Thanks, I owe you one.'" –Conan O'Brien

"It is Veterans Day. A 107-year-old veteran met with President Obama this morning. It was good to see the president finally getting along so well with John McCain." –Conan O'Brien

"This week's climate change talks are taking place in Poland and they're going to focus on China, the world's biggest polluter. However, that discussion may get awkward on Wednesday when China buys Poland." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

this administration will never stop fighting/the crime of murdering his own legacy/Waxing Moon

December 2020

Yesterday Trump’s lawyers opened up another door on their Advnet calendar of losing as they had election lawsuits tossed in six different states. Proving again that this administration will never stop fighting, except the coronavirus. —Colin Jost

Former presidents Barack Obama, George W. Bush and Bill Clinton have all volunteered to film themselves getting shots of the Covid vaccine. And to reach their target demos Barack Obama’s will air on MSNBC, Bush’s on Fox News and Clinton’s on Brazzers. —Colin Jost

The world’s deepest swimming pool has opened in Poland. Even more amazing, it’s above ground. —Colin Jost

Sources also say that Trump is considering giving a pre-emptive pardon to Rudy Giuliani. I assume for Rudy’s crime of murdering his own legacy. —Colin Jost

This week there was a full moon, known as the Beaver Moon, which can be seen about a month after a Waxing Moon. —Colin Jost

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, how's Mrs. Pope? (kielbasa of mass destruction)

"President Bush met with the Pope on Saturday. There was one awkward moment when he asked the pope, 'Hey, how's Mrs. Pope?'" --Jay Leno

"By a vote of 93-5, the Louisiana state House has voted to make it illegal for teachers to have sex with their students. Here's my question: Who are the five people who voted for it?" --Jay Leno

"President Bush is overseas visiting Poland. He's looking for kielbasa of mass destruction. And tomorrow, the president is visiting the Pope. That won't help." --David Letterman

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

replacing all the screen doors on Polish submarines (Mississippi's Asian guy)

"On Tuesday, Barack Obama won the Mississippi primary with nearly 90% of the black vote in the state, but only one-quarter of the white vote. While Mississippi's Asian guy is still too scared to leave the house." --Seth Meyers

"In his first televised interview since suspending his presidential campaign, Mitt Romney on Tuesday said he would be honored to serve as John McCain's vice presidential nominee. Which was an odd response to the question, 'So, how do you like this weather?'" --Amy Poehler

"Poland's prime minister, Donald Tusk, visited President Bush in Washington this week to discuss modernizing the Polish military. Specifically, replacing all the screen doors on Polish submarines." --Amy Poehler

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Vice President of the United States

"A prominent polish politician in Poland, escaped a drunk driving arrest after he told the police he was only using vodka as a mouthwash. And today, Patrick Kennedy said, "That's what happened to me." --Jay Leno

"To his credit President Bush knew all the protocol when meeting a Japanese prime minister. He's had a lot of practice bowing to oil company executives." --Jay Leno

"The senate has held hearings on President Bush's use of 'signing statements'. Do you know what that is? It's a proclamation which lets the president sign a bill and limit what parts apply to him. The Democrats are acting like this is something new. It's not. It's the same thing Bill Clinton used when he signed his marriage license." --Jay Leno

Now the good news, babies, pretty much open season (anywhere but where?)

"While the Mexicans are fighting over which president they want, the Polish have decided to double their pleasure by naming Jaroslaw Kaczynskias Prime Minister on Saturday, joining his twin brother, Lech, who is the current president. How to tell the Kaczynskias apart? Well, follow the guidelines provided by Sunday's Washington Post: 'Lech is distinguished by two extra moles on his face; Jaroslaw is the unmarried brother who lives with their mother.'" --Jon Stewart

"Here are the rules of campaign trail kissing for a male politician: If you're campaigning to a group of men, no kissing. Firm handshakes only. Middle-aged women you could go for a hand or cheek kiss. Toddlers...anything not covered by clothes, you can kiss. If you lift something up, you're asking for trouble. Now the good news, babies -- pretty much open season -- anywhere but the anus." --Jon Stewart