the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished' (100 days to pretend you understand curling)

The Winter Olympics are just 100 days away! That means you have just 100 days to pretend you understand curling. –Jimmy Fallon

"Hey, the health care bill was introduced yesterday. It's 1,990 pages long and costs $894 billion dollars. Or $2.2 million per word. That makes them the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished.'" --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That means you have just 100 days to pretend you understand curling (a tie that was made in America)

A tech blogger in California used a weather balloon to drop an iPhone from the edge of space, at 100,000 feet in the air, to see what would happen — and still, somehow the phone landed in the guy’s toilet. –Jimmy Fallon

The Winter Olympics are just 100 days away! That means you have just 100 days to pretend you understand curling. –Jimmy Fallon

A new poll finds that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a statistical tie just a week from Election Day. But on the bright side, at least Trump’s finally in a tie that was made in America. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey man, that’s the key to every party (those two are known as "the spectrum")

"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage movie." –Conan O’Brien

An analyst for Time magazine says the key to the survival of the Republican Party is bringing in young women. When told this, Bill Clinton said, "Hey man, that’s the key to every party." –Conan O’Brien

"In anticipation of the Winter Olympics, a female curling champion released some sexy photos of herself curling in lingerie. When asked for comment, Americans said they're still not going to watch curling." –Conan O'Brien

Today, Leonardo DiCaprio met with Pope Francis. In terms of number of sexual partners, those two are known as "the spectrum". –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Should students learn why he wasn't allowed to play? (the aircraft carrier the U.S.S. Metaphor)

Several days ago, President Trump said an American aircraft carrier was heading towards North Korea, but it turns out it was sailing in the opposite direction. It’s the aircraft carrier the U.S.S. Metaphor. –Conan O’Brien

Amherst College has decided to get rid of its mascot, Lord Jeff, because Jeffery Amherst famously gave smallpox-infected blankets to Native Americans. Amherst’s new mascot is Chipotle. –Conan O’Brien

Today, President Trump signed an executive order authorizing the building of the border wall. It’s guaranteed to keep out all Mexicans unless they get their hands on a ladder or a shovel. –Conan O’Brien

"Chris Christie is getting a lot of support from New Jersey's Hispanic community. Some Hispanics like his moderate conservatism while others believe if you hit him he'll break open and spill out candy." –Conan O'Brien

President Trump announced he will nominate a new Supreme Court Justice sometime next week. Trump said, “I just need a few more days to come up with someone completely unqualified.” –Conan O’Brien

"Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis says Governor Chris Christie canceled a position for him when he did something Christie didn't like. When asked what he did, Lewis said 'a sit-up.'" –Conan O'Brien

"In anticipation of the Winter Olympics, a female curling champion released some sexy photos of herself curling in lingerie. When asked for comment, Americans said they're still not going to watch curling." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sounds like someone’s getting ready to have a pretty crazy Super Bowl party (the next Nicolas Cage movie)

"The royal family has reportedly burned through its money

and is now strapped for cash. In fact, Queen Elizabeth needs

money so badly she’s now co-starring in the next Nicolas Cage

movie." –Conan O’Brien

Officials in California are looking for thieves who stole nearly $50,000 worth of bull semen. Sounds like someone’s getting ready to have a pretty crazy Super Bowl party. –Conan O’Brien

President Trump announced he will nominate a new Supreme Court Justice sometime next week. Trump said, “I just need a few more days to come up with someone completely unqualified.” –Conan O’Brien

"Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis says Governor Chris Christie canceled a position for him when he did something Christie didn't like. When asked what he did, Lewis said 'a sit-up.'" –Conan O'Brien

"In anticipation of the Winter Olympics, a female curling champion released some sexy photos of herself curling in lingerie. When asked for comment, Americans said they're still not going to watch curling." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

So the only thing that is flaming over there now is the Olympic torch (Quockerwodgers)

January 2014

"At last night's State of the Union address, President Obama renewed his call for a path to citizenship for illegal aliens. Yeah, that was popular. Even more popular, though, was his roadblock to citizenship for Justin Bieber. That went over huge." –Conan O'Brien

"In anticipation of the Winter Olympics, a female curling champion released some sexy photos of herself curling in lingerie. When asked for comment, Americans said they're still not going to watch curling." –Conan O'Brien

"How many of you folks watched the State of the Union speech last night? How many of you watched just for the commercials?" –David Letterman

"Oprah Winfrey is 60 years old today. All federal offices and banks are closed." –David Letterman

"Immediately after the State of the Union address, Joe Theisman delivered the Prostate of the Union." –David Letterman

"The mayor of Sochi is now saying that there are no gay people in Sochi. So the only thing that is flaming over there now is the Olympic torch." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

we’ve still got a functioning Department of Homeland Insecurity (the world’s tallest moose statue)

It has been reported that President Trump posts altered photos to Facebook and Instagram that make him look thinner. Well, it’s nice to know that even during the shutdown, we’ve still got a functioning Department of Homeland Insecurity. --Stephen Colbert

Meanwhile, Norway and Canada are fighting over who has the tallest moose statue. Yeah, they’ve been feuding ever since Norway crushed Canada in Olympic curling. It was brutal. Tens of people were bored. For 35 years, the world’s tallest moose statue has been in the world’s most Canadian-named city, Moose Jaw. Moose Jaw, of course, just north of the town of Beaver Scrotum. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

or one for each person who lives in Norway (the “reverse Ikea”)

The big winner this year is Norway. They won a record 39 medals, wow — or one for each person who lives in Norway. --Jimmy Fallon

The U.S. men’s curling team beat Sweden to win their first gold medal ever! Actually, they were beating Sweden so bad, they conceded the match early. Yep, America made Sweden quit in frustration, or as we call that, the “reverse Ikea.” --Jimmy Fallon

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

I’ve been a proud card-carrying douche since 1987 (curling, pt. 3)

The International Olympic Committee just announced that it has banned Russia from competing in the 2018 Winter Olympics because of doping violations. Or, as Putin put it, "Hello, Donald? Is time to return a favor." –Jimmy Fallon

Russia was banned from the Olympics. But Russia doesn’t mind — they said they’ll just invade some other teams. –Jimmy Fallon

It’s very interesting — athletes from Russia can still participate, but they won’t get credit for winning any medals. Yeah, Olympic events that don’t matter — or as most people call it, “curling.” –Jimmy Fallon

Robert Mueller issued a subpoena to Deutsche Bank for documents on its relationship with President Trump. Trump couldn't believe it – he said, "I thought it was pronounced 'Douche Bank.' It was funny – that's why I joined! I’ve been a proud card-carrying douche since 1987.” –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

you have just 100 days to pretend you understand curling (Peyton Manning)

I read that Papa John’s stock went down this week due to poor sales. You could tell they were tight on cash when Peyton Manning said, “My check didn’t clear last month.” –Jimmy Fallon

The Winter Olympics are just 100 days away! That means you have just 100 days to pretend you understand curling. –Jimmy Fallon

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Joe Theisman delivered the Prostate of the Union

"In anticipation of the Winter Olympics, a female curling champion released some sexy photos of herself curling in lingerie. When asked for comment, Americans said they're still not going to watch curling." –Conan O'Brien

"Immediately after the State of the Union address, Joe Theisman delivered the Prostate of the Union." –David Letterman



"Oprah Winfrey is 60 years old today. All federal offices and banks are closed." –David Letterman