They are being listed in highly doable condition (This explains quite a lot)

No one was hurt, everyone’s fine, but over the weekend, Leonardo DiCaprio and his model girlfriend were in a fender bender. DiCaprio and his girlfriend are being listed in highly doable condition. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump has been saying that Hillary Clinton looks unwell. Trump then admitted he thinks any woman over 35 looks like she’s dying. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

6,000 years of various forms of servitude (a 2,000-year-old Jewish man who is not Larry King)

"The new mayor of New York City is a progressive Democrat with an African-American wife who used to be a lesbian. Or as Fox News reported, the apocalypse is upon us." –Conan O'Brien

Some analysts say a Donald Trump presidency could cripple the future of legalized marijuana. And to make matters worse, once it’s crippled, Trump will make fun of it. –Conan O’Brien

"Yesterday was a historic day. Everyone marked it in different ways. A Kenyan woman gave birth to twin boys and named them Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Obviously she named the one that came out second Mitt Romney." –Conan O'Brien

"Well, of course, this Sunday is Easter. Of course, Easter is that very, very holy day when Christians around the world honor a 2,000-year-old Jewish man who is not Larry King." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It is so empty, it’s actually being reclaimed by nature (a great thing for democracy and for people who love waiting in lines)

November 2022

“All year long we’ve been waiting to find out if Republicans will take control of Congress and stop President Biden’s agenda, or if Democrats will keep control of Congress and somehow stop Biden’s agenda. And it’s all led up to today, election day: a great thing for democracy and for people who love waiting in lines.” —Trevor Noah

Political commentators and politicians tell us that this may be the most important election of our lifetime. And I know they said that about 2020. I also know that they said that about the 2018 midterms, and they definitely said that about 2016. Which I know makes some people say, ‘Well, clearly none of these elections are as important as people say.’ But maybe we’re thinking of it wrong. Maybe everything is getting worse and worse, which makes every election more and more important. Think about it like this for a minute. When you’re in your driveway, it helps to have good brakes on your car. But then when you get on the road, the brakes become more important. Then you’re on the freeway going a hundred miles per hour, the brakes are even more important. Then, a school bus gets stuck in front of you and then you realize that the school bus is full of puppies and the puppies are holding the only copy of Rihanna’s new album! Now the brakes are the most important brakes of our lifetime!” —Trevor Noah

“A JC Penny store in Pennsylvania had to be closed temporarily after a deer entered the store and got into a dressing room. The story again, a JC Penny is so empty, it’s actually being reclaimed by nature.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if they lose Scotland, they could be cut off from a major supply of bagpipes and kilts (Learn how you fool yourself)

"The official ballot is one line: 'Should Scotland be an independent country?' And that's it. Why is it that I have to go through 18 pages of terms and conditions to download iOS 8 while a whole country can secede from the United Kingdom by checking a box that says 'Yes'?" –Jimmy Kimmel

The Republican senators were very careful with Dr. Ford. In fact, they were too scared to even question her. They hired a surrogate, a female prosecutor from Arizona. No kidding. They brought her in to do it for them. The way they found this prosecutor is very interesting. Sen. Chuck Grassley, the chairman of the judiciary committee, didn't like the optics of 11 Republican men questioning one woman so one of his aides suggested, "Why don't you hire a female lawyer to ask the questions?" And Grassley was like, "There are female lawyers?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"The people of Scotland are voting on whether to declare independence from the United Kingdom. If Scotland votes for Independence, it could have major ramifications. Great Britain is concerned that if they lose Scotland, they could be cut off from a major supply of bagpipes and kilts." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess the Masked Singer money dried up (it's like paste-eating endorsing glue-sniffing)

April 2022

“In other Trump news, the former president endorsed Sarah Palin for Congress over the weekend. As Trump said in a statement: ‘Sarah Palin is tough and smart and will never back down.’ Even for Trump, it’s impressive to fit three lies in an eleven-word sentence. I guess the Masked Singer money dried up and Sarah is running for office. Trump endorsing Sarah Palin is like paste-eating endorsing glue-sniffing. It’s ridiculous.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“I saw that Sarah Palin has announced that she is running for Congress in Alaska, which is good news for Republicans and great news for Democrats.” —Jimmy Fallon

“You know, for someone who could see Russia from her house, she should have known years ago what Putin was up to, don’t you think?” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Maybe someday we can get at least one Republican to vote for a qualified woman (water bottle flip)

March 2022

“A newly released poll, conducted before the hearings began, found that 58 percent of Americans supported Judge Jackson’s appointment to the court. It is the most support a Jackson has had since ‘Thriller’ came out.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Right now, Biden’s like, ‘Hey, I nominated you — it’s only fair that we split that approval rating, come on.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, the only way it could have been higher is if she ended today with a water bottle flip.” —Jimmy Fallon

“She said the fact that she was even nominated shows how far we’ve come as a country, and so some of the Republican senators on the committee have been hard at work to show how far we haven’t.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“This is how low the United States government has fallen. We’ve gone from ‘Let’s put a man on the moon within the decade’ to ‘Maybe someday we can get at least one Republican to vote for a qualified woman.’” —James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”