And that's just to clean the bathrooms (he knows all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody)

Before he met Putin, Trump was in the U.K., where he met Queen

Elizabeth. It got off to a bumpy start when the first thing Trump

told the queen was that he knows all the words to “Bohemian

Rhapsody.” --Jimmy Fallon

New York and New Jersey officials have agreed to reconstruct the Port Authority Bus Terminal here in New York, and the project will cost an estimated $10 to $15 billion. And that's just to clean the bathrooms. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it was all about how nurses should have to look you in the eye during a sponge bath (But freedom is dead)

"Sarah Palin said, 'Obama lies, freedom dies.' And then she and Todd got on their snowmobile, road across the tundra, shooting anything they want with a machine gun.' But freedom is dead." –Bill Maher

"Whatever you think about Justice John Roberts, he is a serious jurist. His opinion ran 59 pages. Justice Ginsberg's opinion was 61 pages. The four dissenters, their opinion was 65 pages. Clarence Thomas -- 2 pages, and it was all about how nurses should have to look you in the eye during a sponge bath." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, bring your marshmallows (it happened right after he appeared on The View)

The Supreme Court upheld laws banning biological men from competing in female sports. Yet, one woman said it was a real kick in the balls. — Greg Gutfeld 

According to a report, a prominent AI chatbot has been telling its users that JD Vance has rabies. Sounds ridiculous, but not when you consider it happened right after he appeared on The View. — Greg Gutfeld 

The Great American State Fair has themed booths for almost every state, like Nevada's Las Vegas booth, Texas's Alamo booth, and California's uncontrolled fire booth. Yeah, bring your marshmallows. — Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's already there, it's called Congress (and five senators fell out)

"A vacancy on the Supreme Court. This is something we haven't seen in awhile. Let's just hope the president is better at picking a justice than the justices were at picking a president." --Jay Leno

"Congressman Anthony Weiner has just checked himself into a treatment centre for people battling chronic sexual dysfunction. Checked in? He's already there, it's called Congress." –Jay Leno  6/13/2011

"Last week, President Obama gave a speech in New York City about his plan to reform these rules on Wall Street, you know? And one embarrassing moment. When the head of Goldman Sachs was going through security, he was asked to empty his pockets and five senators fell out." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

so strong you won't be able to see straight (prom season)

The Supreme Court temporarily restored mail-order access to abortion pills, citing prom season. —Michael Che

President Trump dismissed weapons fire between the U.S. and Iran as a "love tap." He also called gas prices "gentle sodomy.” —Michael Che

FBI Director Kash Patel has reportedly been giving out bottles of his personalized whiskey to FBI staff. Kash Patel Whiskey -- so strong you won't be able to see straight. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it felt more like a fire hose (an Indian treasure)

Legal experts are saying that this week's Supreme Court ruling has taken a wrecking ball to the Voting Rights Act of 1965. But if you ask Black people, it felt more like a fire hose. —Michael Che

This week, King Charles visited the U.S. and met Zohran Mamdani. And I'm surprised he didn't take Mamdani back to England with him because he is an Indian treasure. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jimmy Dore: Jokes of the Week - October 5, 2014

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your... (If Not Now, When?)

"Here's the detail I found most interesting: all the television sets must be tuned to Fox News. Wow! Because god forbid he walks into a hotel room, and the TV is on another channel, and he finds out what a sh---y job he's been doing. He's got to avoid not just CNN and MSNBC, I think Animal Planet is doing stories on that now. There was one other detail on the bottom of the rider, it was handwritten and somewhat cryptic. He also requests a rifle, some ammo and an old man's face." --Jon Stewart, on Dick Cheney's hotel suite demands

"The Supreme Court ruling that anyone who's arrested -- even accidentally -- can be strip-searched was decided five to four, with the votes for the searches coming from the Court's five conservatives. You know -- the 'defending personal liberty' guys. Which is weird because I'm not a constitutional scholar, but I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your anus." –Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

finally this administration has a sex scandal involving consenting adults (I think you have to take that seriously)

President Trump’s said that he expected his State of the Union speech to be long. Oh yeah, I think we’re all expecting that. He is incapable of being brief. Even if Trump were just going to read a haiku, I would expect two intermissions. —Seth Meyers

We have a status update on the homeland security secretary, Kristi Noem. As head of DHS, Noem has a busy job starting wars in American cities, but somehow she seems to have found time for love. There are many reports that Noem, who is married, is having a poorly concealed affair with her deputy, Corey Lewandowski. Both have denied the rumors. Guys, finally this administration has a sex scandal involving consenting adults. We did it! USA, USA, USA! —Desi Lydic

President Trump’s controversial tariffs, which the supreme court, even stacked with conservative justices, declared unconstitutional in a 6-3 opinion. Somebody finally had the balls to say they were illegal. A court composed mostly of his own party’s appointees has struck down the constitutionality of Trump’s go-it-alone tariff regime. That’s bound to cause him some introspection. Not quite. In a post on Truth Social, Trump called the supreme court a “disgrace to our nation” and suggested the justices were an “embarrassment” to their families. When a guy who had sex with a porn star right after his wife had given birth tells you you’re an embarrassment to your family, I think you have to take that seriously. —Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

regulating your cognitive infrastructure (It was a much friendlier dementia)

We were gone one week, and Trump's now at war with the supreme court. He’s threatening a real war with Iran. He’s firing off tariffs, 10%, 15%, he’s got the FCC threatening talkshows. He’s threatening Netflix. He’s all of a sudden threatening to release the UFO files. And it really makes you stop and wonder: what the hell could be in those 3 million Trump-Epstein files they’re still hiding? He’s working so hard to distract us. The only thing he hasn’t done is set his nipples on fire. —Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump’s 107-minute State of the Union address was the longest ever. What a speech it wasn’t. He bragged about DEI. He bragged about kicking 2 million people off food stamps. It was like a Christmas message from the Grinch. When you ramble incoherently for two hours is that technically still a speech or does it at some point become a conniption fit? The speech went on so long Kristi Noem’s dog shot itself. —Jimmy Kimmel

“I have to say: Trump’s dementia really makes me miss Joe Biden’s dementia. It was a much friendlier dementia." —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm sorry, could you repeat the question? (Wobbly artist July 1919)

"Mitt Romney's search for a vice president continues. As you know, one of Mitt Romney's problems is that he's never hired an American for a job before, so this is new." –Jay Leno

"Vice President Dick Cheney said today he's not sure he'll ever go hunting again. If he does decide to go hunting again, good luck finding anyone to go with him." --Jay Leno

"Have you watched any of these confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Sam Alito? Senators are given thirty minutes to question the guy: thirty minutes exactly. Senator Joe Biden's question took 23 1/2 minutes. His question took 24 minutes. And Alito is smart. He is brilliant. Do you know what he said? 'I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?'" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Can you believe the balls on that guy's neck? (Best Cigarette of Your Life day)

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell published an op-ed for Fox News this week, calling for bipartisanship in Congress. So the same guy who stole a Supreme Court seat from Merrick Garland wants bipartisanship. Can you believe the balls on that guy's neck? --Seth Meyers

"The design for George W. Bush's presidential library was unveiled Wednesday in Dallas, and features a lantern-shaped roof that will glow at night. Mr. President, I don't want to make any more jokes about you being dumb, but you have to meet me halfway. Don't build a library where the lights are on when no one is home." –Seth Meyers

Today is the Great American Smokeout day, which encourages smokers to try and go 24 hours without having a cigarette. Which means tomorrow is the Best Cigarette of Your Life day. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's like trying to sell a house that is currently on fire (a monster truck rally on cocaine)

“Wednesday’s vice-presidential debate bore the marks of a pandemic now tearing through the White House, with two plexiglass barriers separating the candidates on stage. But once you got past the whole plague thing, the debate itself was actually pretty normal. It was kind of like a throwback to what campaigns used to be like, before Donald Trump arrived on the scene and turned every political event into a monster truck rally on cocaine.” —Trevor Noah

“For those keeping score, Trump paid $750 in taxes and $130,000 to a porn star, which means if the I.R.S. wants to get money from Trump, you guys know what you got to do.” —Trevor Noah

“While Kamala Harris avoided answering a question about expanding the supreme court, Pence dodged questions all evening like they were a PG-13 movie. To be fair, defending Donald Trump is like trying to sell a house that is currently on fire.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So what is their job now? (Can someone please order him a conscience?)

“There was another outrageous Supreme Court ruling this week: the 6-3 decision in West Virginia v EPA, which limits the Environmental Protection Agency’s power to regulate emissions from fossil fuel-fired power plants. The Supreme Court ruled that the Environmental Protection Agency does not have the authority to protect the environment…? So what is their job now? Just to look at the environment and be like ‘oh shit’?” —Trevor Noah

“Are NBA players supposed to just shut up and dribble or literally fix racism all by themselves? Either way, it feels like America relies way too much on the athletes to do everything. They’re supposed to play basketball, fix racism, sell cereal and date all the Kardashians?” — Trevor Noah

“Meanwhile, as coronavirus tanks the economy, Amazon has asked the public to donate to a relief fund for its workers. Yeah, the richest company in the world, owned by the richest man in the world, is asking us for money. Which, let’s be honest, is some bullshit. Can someone please order Jeff Bezos a conscience? With Prime, it can arrive within two days.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just like Lindsay Lohan's probation officer (Almost verbatim)

"The Senate has confirmed Elena Kagan for the Supreme Court. She now has a job for life. Just like Lindsay Lohan's probation officer." –Jay Leno

"And former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice told a group of fourth graders that the Bush Administration never used torture to interrogate terrorist suspects. Condoleezza spoke to the fourth graders using simple, uncomplicated words that they could easily understand. Same way she explained it to President Bush. Almost verbatim." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When Big Government feels it's biggest (they don't appear to know what it's doing)

"The Supreme Court ruling that anyone who's arrested -- even accidentally -- can be strip-searched was decided five to four, with the votes for the searches coming from the Court's five conservatives. You know -- the 'defending personal liberty' guys. Which is weird because I'm not a constitutional scholar, but I'm willing to bet Big Government feels it's biggest when it's inside your anus." –Jon Stewart

"The Bush administration is searching for a war czar to manage all the wars we're in and cut through the federal bureaucracy. Because the federal bureaucracy is why we're losing. So far, at least five four-star generals have declined the position, some citing that the Bush administration -- this is true -- doesn't appear to know what it's doing." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They ARE sending us their best (This is why you don't have healthcare)

Over the weekend, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said that Donald Trump "says whatever comes into his head." To which Trump responded, "That is not true, clambucket pencil raft!" –Conan O’Brien

Bill Cosby has hired a woman to be his lead attorney. She says she doesn’t know how she got the job, she just woke up and there it was. –Conan O’Brien

Mexico's No. 1 drug lord has escaped from prison and may be headed to the U.S. So Donald Trump was wrong. They ARE sending us their best. –Conan O’Brien

"Conservatives are criticizing Time magazine because they put President Obama on the cover for the 12th time in the last year. Not only that, every week since Obama was elected, he's been on the cover of Black President Magazine." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

every day feels like you’re being humped (vas deferens)

The latest polls show that Hillary Clinton is tied with Donald Trump. Ever since the damning FBI report about Hillary Clinton's private email servers came out, her poll numbers have not looked good. Though the truth is she may have much better numbers hidden on her private server. We don't know. –Stephen Colbert

“According to one urologist, before the Supreme Court’s ruling he received four or five vasectomy requests a day. But since the decision, that number has spiked to 12 to 18. Makes sense. The most effective forms of birth control for men are abstinence and vasectomies. They have a similar result, but there’s a vas deferens.” —Stephen Colbert

“I think it’s Wednesday. It’s hard to tell, because every day feels like you’re being humped.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, if there's one thing we know how to build, it's a wall (Shut Up vs. No, You Shut Up)

"The U.S. government has issued a warning to builders not to use Chinese drywall because they say it's defective. The Chinese government denied this and said, 'Hey, if there's one thing we know how to build, it's a wall.'" --Conan O'Brien

"People in New York are especially excited by Judge Sotomayor because she comes from the Bronx. In fact, Judge Sotomayor famously presided over the landmark New York City case, Shut Up vs. No, You Shut Up." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”