I'm just alive and they hate me (and now they get to live in one)

January 2023

“Mike Pence has classified documents. Wow, that is tough news for Mike Pence, and fantastic news for Joe Biden. Unlike Pence’s former boss, Pence wasn’t hoarding the documents. The former VP said he took them home by accident, and they were found by one of his lawyers who Pence asked to search his home out of an ‘abundance of caution’. An ‘abundance of caution is why Mike Pence leaves the room when TV commercials come on. So evidently, everybody in US government just has classified documents lying around their houses. This never used to happen. Previous veeps had methods to dispose of this kind of thing. Al Gore would immediately recycle documents, and Dick Cheney would shoot them in the face.” —Stephen Colbert

“Additionally, four more Oath Keepers were found guilty of seditious conspiracy for January 6th and sentenced to 20 years in prison. They should be happy – they tried to break into a government facility, and now they get to live in one.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I ain't draft dodging, I ain't burning no flag (steampunk cowboy pirate/Oops-a-karma!)

November 2022

“We are celebrating the conviction of Stewart Rhodes, founder of the Oath Keepers, for seditious conspiracy. That’s a big one. That’s insurrection with a creamy treason center right there. Delicious.” —Stephen Colbert

“Rhodes faces a maximum of 60 years in prison. On the bright side, by 2082 the hip new look might be steampunk cowboy pirate.” —Stephen Colbert referring to Rhodes’s preferred fashion of bandanna, cowboy hat and eye patch

“Now when you hear the name Oath Keepers and that eye patch, it makes Rhodes sorta seem like a heroic freedom rebel. In reality, he’s a disbarred Yale law grad who wears an eyepatch after accidentally shooting himself in the face with his own gun. Oops-a-karma!” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That outfit is appropriate for only two things: intimidating voters or assassinating James Bond in the Alps (post-apocalyptic zombie wasteland)

November 2022

“With the midterms now less than a week away, Republicans and Democrats are making their closing arguments to voters. The GOP’s argument is: stop voting. Donald Trump and other GOP figures have encouraged ‘poll watchers’ to intimidate voters at ballot drop boxes across the country. Here are photos of men in Arizona dressed in ski masks and body armor. That outfit is appropriate for only two things: intimidating voters or assassinating James Bond in the Alps.” —Stephen Colbert

“On Tuesday, an Arizona judge ordered armed election ‘monitors’ to stay at least 250 feet away from drop boxes. I think it’s fair to say democracy is in danger when ballot boxes take out a restraining order.” —Stephen Colbert

“The rightwing group the Oath Keepers, is on trial for seditious conspiracy for their role in the January 6th attack on the Capitol. January 6th wasn’t just about smashing glass and hanging Pence. It was also about apps for the table, as prosecutors claim that Oath Keepers met for a late-night meal after the attack at an Olive Garden. That explains their new slogan: ‘When you’re here, your family didn’t hug you enough as a child.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Using their original borders (gabagoo)

August 2022

“There are alarming results from state primaries this week, such as the victory of Mark Finchem as the Republican candidate for Arizona’s secretary of state. Finchem, who has been endorsed by Donald Trump, has ties to the far-right extremist group known as the Oath Keepers and was in Washington for the January 6 insurrection. This is insane. We can’t let a guy who wanted to overthrow the last election oversee future elections. We need to stop these people now, which is why it is encouraging to see the justice department stepping up its investigation of the coup attempt. Investigators reportedly asking witnesses about Trump as part of their investigation and a grand jury – it’s unclear which one – has subpoenaed the former White House counsel Pat Cipollone, a member of Trump’s inner circle. It’s not a good sign when you get subpoenaed by a grand jury and you don’t even know which grand jury. Most people, if you got called to federal grand jury, you’d be like, ‘Oh, I know what this is about.’ But these guys are like, ‘I’m sorry, can you be more specific? I’m under a lot of investigations right now.’ Looking at primary races from this past week the GOP’s slow-moving coup is still happening as we speak. If election deniers win races in swing states like Arizona, Michigan and Pennsylvania, they will absolutely use their power to ensure that no Democrat can win an election in those states ever again. It’s not about election integrity, it’s about power.” —Seth Meyers

“We checked in on a heated Senate matchup in Pennsylvania between the Democratic lieutenant governor, John Fetterman, and disgraced TV doctor Mehmet Oz. Fetterman is leading in the polls, which might be because Pennsylvanians want to have a senator who’s actually from Pennsylvania, as Oz lived and voted in New Jersey as recently as 2020. Fetterman has gone full troll on Oz’s Garden State ass, by starting a petition to add Dr. Oz to the New Jersey hall of fame. If inducted, he would join such luminaries as Bruce Springsteen, Tommy from the song Livin’ on a Prayer, and the word ‘gabagoo.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Up until now, the most serious charge any of these guys has gotten is impersonating a Flintstone (shadowy figures)

January 2022

“On Thursday, the Justice Department charged 11 Oath Keepers with seditious conspiracy in connection with the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the Capitol. Finally! Up until now, the most serious charge any of these guys has gotten is impersonating a Flintstone.” —Stephen Colbert

“You know how your mother used to say if your friend jumped off a bridge, would you jump, too? These are people who answered ‘Yes.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“This is huge! Seditious conspiracy is no slap on the wrist — it’s a charge of inciting rebellion against the federal government that carries a maximum penalty of 20 years in prison. That’s pretty bad. That’s pretty bad, I’ve got to say, but somehow it feels like it should be more. Like, if you tried to take the government down, you should go away for longer than one Billie Eilish.” —Stephen Colbert

“And hopefully, one day, the Feds will learn the identity of that shadowy figure who was the president who told them to do it.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”