So, one way or the other, Chris Christie will be giving a victory speech (Mostly trees)

"Prince William’s nightclub owner friend is said to be planning a wild bachelor party. It must be weird stuffing a bill in a stripper’s g-string when it has a picture of your grandmother on it." –Jimmy Fallon

Shaquille O’Neal says that he’s trying to eat healthier. He’s cut soda, bread, sandwiches, and fast food out of his diet. When asked what he’s eating instead he said, “Mostly trees.” –Jimmy Fallon

Not only was today the New Hampshire primary, it was also National Pizza Day. So, one way or the other, Chris Christie will be giving a victory speech. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jim Crow relics (OK, you're still mad)

Some democrats are demanding that the senate put an end to the filibuster rule which some call a Jim Crow relic. Also a Jim Crow relic. Some senators. —Michael Che

Some airlines have announced that as part of Coronavirus safety procedures they will now be boarding from the back of the plane so that First Class will be the last to board. Apparently watching all the people in coach silently trudging past you just doesn’t hit the way it used to. —Michael Che

A school in Virginia is returning a wallet to a woman 70 years after she lost it in a school gym. ‘Well, how do you like that,’ said a black man still in jail for stealing it. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which is all fun and games until Hunter Biden gets his head stuck in the vending machine (What is the least we can do?)

Did you see what Elon Musk did? I thought this was pretty funny. Right after he bought Twitter he said that he was going to buy Coca-Cola next and put cocaine back in it. Which is all fun and games until Hunter Biden gets his head stuck in the vending machine. —Bill Maher

"Researchers at Northwestern University said the worst-case scenario is that Swine Flu will infect 1,700 Americans over the next month. Best-case scenario? Turns you into a Wolverine." --Bill Maher

"Republicans did not have the votes for a filibuster, so there will be a debate about the gun bill. And given the recent rash of gun violence, Republicans said it was the least they could do. Literally, they had a meeting and said, 'What is the least we can do?'" –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Right now a devastated Ted Cruz is filibustering a squirrel on the lawn of the Capitol building (So, everyone is suffering)

The Los Angeles Dodgers are in the World Series. They are playing the Houston Astros tomorrow night. The Dodgers haven’t been to the World Series since 1988. That is a long time ago. That is before anyone knew what a Kardashian was. Most people at that time thought it was an auto part. –Jimmy Kimmel

"National parks are shut down. NASA is shut down. There is one government building still open. That is the congressional gym – the exclusive gym where congressmen work out. But the gym is not fully operational because towel service is no longer available due to the shutdown. So, everyone is suffering." –Jimmy Kimmel

"After 16 days the government shutdown is over. Right now a devastated Ted Cruz is filibustering a squirrel on the lawn of the Capitol building." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which is all fun and games until Hunter Biden gets his head stuck in the vending machine (Then, it is a fantastic idea)

"Republicans did not have the votes for a filibuster, so there will be a debate about the gun bill. And given the recent rash of gun violence, Republicans said it was the least they could do. Literally, they had a meeting and said, 'What is the least we can do?'" –Bill Maher

Did you see what Elon Musk did? I thought this was pretty funny. Right after he bought Twitter he said that he was going to buy Coca-Cola next and put cocaine back in it. Which is all fun and games until Hunter Biden gets his head stuck in the vending machine. —Bill Maher

 

I have to start with a public service announcement. Here in California there is a drought. So it is asked that we water our outdoor plants only once a week. This does not affect me. The plants that I care about grow mostly indoors. —Bill Maher

"Sixty eight senators want to move forward on background checks, and 31 – all of them Republicans – say no, that is the death of freedom. They are sticking with the principle that asking for any kind of ID would be a horrible violation of the Constitution, unless it keeps black people from voting. Then, it is a fantastic idea." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The meanest thing he’s ever said up till now (It's about keeping those ants in line)

January 2022

“The Democrats voting rights legislation, is mired by a GOP filibuster in the Senate. The chamber’s Democrats plan to press ahead this week with an effort to pass the legislation, even though it appears, according to the New York Times, ‘all but dead’.

 Come on, guys, don’t give up the fight! Do not get discouraged – in the Senate, there are a lot of things that appear all but dead, (cut to a photo of Mitch McConnell, Chuck Grassley and other elderly senators.) Democrats plan to push ahead with a vote anyway to put on record who’s for and against voting rights. 

That’s right, because once you know which politicians are keeping you from being able to vote, you can vote them out – and, I see the problem. That’s a toughie. The GOP filibuster of critical voting rights protection has drawn the ire of even musician Stevie Wonder, who this week released a scathing YouTube video calling on Republicans senators to ‘cut the bull-tish.’ 

I want to thank Stevie Wonder for standing up for democracy and swearing in a way I can air on my CBS television show. You, sir, are one bad mother-trucker. Senators, you know how hard it is to make Stevie Wonder that angry? The meanest thing he’s ever said up till now is ‘you’re just my part-time lover.’” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry  

 

Your vice president was like if a rice cake went to Bible school (which is also a pretty good description of Kyrsten Sinema)

January 2022

“Former President Trump has reportedly been complaining to confidants about Florida governor Ron DeSantis and said he has a, quote, ‘dull personality.’ I’m sorry, that’s suddenly a concern of yours? Your vice president was like if a rice cake went to Bible school.” —Seth Meyers

“The US Senate marked Martin Luther King’s birthday by doing what they do best: nothing. Hopes for a voting rights protection bill were dashed on Monday by the Arizona senator Kyrsten Sinema, who opposed lifting the filibuster that would allow Democrats to pass the measure without Republican support. ‘What is the legislative filibuster other than a tool that requires new federal policy to be broadly supported by senators representing a broader cross-section of Americans?’ she said on the Senate floor. No. No. Not representing a broader cross-section of Americans? The 50 senators who are currently filibustering the voting rights bill represent 41 million fewer Americans than the senators who support it. Stop acting like the filibuster is anything other than an anti-democratic tool – which is also a pretty good description of Kyrsten Sinema.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry  

 

Where is Kanye West when you need him? (he's the one guy she refuses to lick)

September 2013

"Ted Cruz reminds me of Miley Cyrus because he is not afraid to incur the wrath of even some of his fans for the greater good of drawing attention to himself. I really think a filibuster is the political version of 'twerking.'" –Bill Maher

"Ted Cruz talked for 21 hours in a fake filibuster, or as I call it, the vagina monologue. 21 hours? I kept saying, 'Where is Kanye West when you need him?'" –Bill Maher

"Even if it was a real filibuster, which is wasn't, it wouldn't even be the record. Strom Thurmond holds the record, 24 hours 18 minutes, taking only one break to impregnate his maid." –Bill Maher

"This Ted Cruz guy, he incurred the wrath of his own party. They don't like him. Democrats hate him. Independents hate him. Republicans hate him. Even Miley Cyrus -- he's the one guy she refuses to lick." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, he will be missed – not in those pants (remember to ask Santa for a functional economy)

October 2021

“Let me set the stage on the debt ceiling: Democrats are ready to vote to raise the debt ceiling. But Republicans are doing nothing to help, and plenty to hinder. To break the gridlock, Joe Biden has said he might revise the Senate’s filibuster rules to allow Democrats to raise the debt ceiling without Republican support. This should be a no-brainer. Just get rid of the filibuster. It’s an old rule historically used to preserve racist policies. It’s not in the constitution, and yet it’s blocking the United States’s ability to stay solvent. Keeping the filibuster would be like an EMT trying to defibrillate someone and going, ‘Here we go – oh, you know, I’d love to save his life but I can’t. He’s wearing white after Labor Day. Well, he will be missed – not in those pants.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Potentially changing the filibuster has the Senate minority leader, Mitch McConnell, shaking in his orthopedic wingtips. So on Wednesday, the Kentucky senator said Republicans would allow an extension of the federal debt ceiling into December. They’re willing to avoid blowing up the world’s financial system – until Christmastime. So, everyone, remember to ask Santa for a functional economy.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they scare you into giving your money to the Pentagon (What is the least we can do?)

April 2013

"Stop buying the hype about North Korea. Think about it -- Monday is tax day. This is why your taxes are so high because they scare you into giving your money to the Pentagon." –Bill Maher

"I want Kim Jong-un to test a missile because it's always a spectacular disaster. He's the only Asian in the world that doesn't test well." –Bill Maher

"John Boehner said today he wants to take away North Korea's missiles, but he won't because that's a slippery slope from there to gun control." –Bill Maher

"Republicans did not have the votes for a filibuster, so there will be a debate about the gun bill. And given the recent rash of gun violence, Republicans said it was the least they could do. Literally, they had a meeting and said, 'What is the least we can do?'" –Bill Maher

"Sixty eight senators want to move forward on background checks, and 31 – all of them Republicans – say no, that is the death of freedom. They are sticking with the principle that asking for any kind of ID would be a horrible violation of the Constitution, unless it keeps black people from voting. Then, it is a fantastic idea." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the new Swiss Army knife comes with a fold-out bong (Or as Clinton calls it, a four-way)

A new survey, the top pot-smoking country in Europe is Switzerland. As a result the new Swiss Army knife comes with a fold-out bong. --Conan O’Brien 11/26/2004

Good news from Washington this week. The Senate finally reached a compromise to allow President Bush's candidates to be voted on without a filibuster. In a related story President Bush still thinks a filibuster is a chocolate-covered peanut bar. --Conan O’Brien 11/26/2004

Yesterday former President Clinton underwent successful quadruple bypass surgery. Or as Clinton calls it, a four-way. --Conan O’Brien 9/7/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hey Girl, I hear you like revolutions (hard to export this type of government)

"So why did this all-night session happen? Because while Democrats have a majority in the Senate, they don't have the 60-vote supermajority needed to bring bills like this to a vote, thus forcing the Democrats to stay up all night to prevent the Republicans from staging an all-night, vote-blocking filibuster. You can see why we're fighting so hard to export this type of government to Iraq." --Jon Stewart

"If by stunt they mean an incredible display of valor, then yes, last night was an awesome stunt. Last night, the brave men and women -- well, mosty men -- of the 110th stood up and said, 'We are mad as hell, and we are not going to sleep as much as we would normally sleep tonight.'" --Daily Show correspodnent Aasif Mandvi, on the Senate's all-nighter being dismissed as a stunt

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

We found the leaker! He’s in your mirror (setting the Constitution on fire)

A so-called Museum of Failure is opening in Sweden this June. Though, if you can’t wait that long, [shows photo of White House] check out the pop-up exhibit in Washington. –Seth Meyers

Congressman Nunes is stepping aside because the House Ethics Committee is determined to investigate allegations that Nunes may have made unauthorized disclosures of classified information. “Good news, Congressman Nunes! We found the leaker! He’s in your mirror.” –Stephen Colbert

The rule change was getting rid of the filibuster, a last resort commonly known as the “nuclear option.” And it’s called the “nuclear option” because they need some part of it to sound exciting. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

which explains why this morning, Obama was endorsed by President Bush (next in line)

"First of all, good news for everybody, last night was the final Democratic debate. Which I'm excited about. I think there were 110 of those, but now they're over. I guess one of the big stories was that Barack Obama had a little bit of trouble last night. He is so smooth and he's so good, but last night he had a little trouble. Last night, during the debate, Barack Obama mispronounced the word 'Massachusetts' twice and then mispronounced the word 'filibuster.' Yeah, which explains why this morning, Obama was endorsed by President Bush." --Conan O'Brien

"I don't know if you have seen this. It's everywhere. They have a controversial photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban. It's been circulating on the Internet. Yeah, the turban photo should help Obama with a key group of voters, the New York taxi drivers." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

You know what you did

"That's right, 104 female lawmakers. In other words, there's going to be a lot of filibusters that go like this: 'You know what you did.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"A Miami judge issued Florida's first gay marriage license yesterday, which makes it the 36th state to legally perform gay marriages. Of course, most Florida residents are too old to understand what that means. They'll say, 'Well, I think all marriages should be gay, and merry.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Unless it keeps black people from voting..

"John Boehner said today he wants to take away North Korea's missiles, but he won't because that's a slippery slope from there to gun control." –Bill Maher



"Republicans did not have the votes for a filibuster, so there will be a debate about the gun bill. And given the recent rash of gun violence, Republicans said it was the least they could do. Literally, they had a meeting and said, 'What is the least we can do?'" –Bill Maher



"Sixty eight senators want to move forward on background checks, and 31 – all of them Republicans – say no, that is the death of freedom. They are sticking with the principle that asking for any kind of ID would be a horrible violation of the Constitution, unless it keeps black people from voting. Then, it is a fantastic idea." –Bill Maher