Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling (Still no word why that study was stuck on my fridge)

“Moonlight” won the Oscar for Best Picture last night after the award was mistakenly presented to “La La Land” due to an envelope mix-up. Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling. –Seth Meyers

A new study has been published providing more evidence that straight women have fewer orgasms than men during sex. Still no word why that study was stuck on my fridge. –Seth Meyers

And finally, a brewery in Virginia is coming out with a new beer that it says tastes like Lucky Charms. Said customers, "No, you get ready for school!" --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He hasn’t been this stressed out since the time he saw a woman in short sleeves (La La Land)

January 2021

“Poor Mike Pence. He hasn’t been this stressed out since the time he saw a woman in short sleeves.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The vice president’s role is ceremonial. It’s like the Oscars. He basically opens the envelope and announces the name. But Trump wants him to pull a ‘La La Land.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Something tells me tomorrow morning, some very important Space Force business is going to come up that Mike Pence has to deal with personally.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The president has vowed to move on to the next republican disaster (and punish the poor)

It was a tough weekend at the White House. After seven years of saying they were going to replace Obamacare, the Republican healthcare bill failed on Friday. It’s sad, isn’t it? Seven years. The Republicans couldn’t come up with a replacement for Obamacare in seven years. They made four “Fast & Furious” movies in that time. –James Corden

The Republicans may have gotten a little ahead of themselves, because hours after the healthcare bill failed, there were actually commercials that aired on national television thanking congressional Republicans for passing the bill. The ad then went on to congratulate “La La Land” on their best picture Oscar. –James Corden

You know, you can see why they thought TrumpCare would pass. Winning with less votes worked for Trump in November. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling

It was the weirdest TV finale since “Lost.” As I’m sure you’ve heard, “La La Land” was simultaneously somehow the biggest winner and loser last night. You know it’s a strange night when the word “envelope” is trending on Twitter. –Jimmy Kimmel

“Moonlight” won the Oscar for Best Picture last night after the award was mistakenly presented to “La La Land” due to an envelope mix-up. Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: I'd rather be invading Baghdad (Wait, I’m not dead)

During the “In Memoriam” segment they accidentally showed the picture of a woman who is still alive, an Australian producer named Jan Chapman. Which in a way is a much bigger story than “La La Land.” Sure, it’s bad to think you have won Best Picture when you didn’t. But how about being told you’re dead when you’re not? –James Corden

This would send me into a deep existential funk. I would be like, “Wait, I’m not dead. But am I truly living?” –James Corden

The Oscars went very well. We were chugging along. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, it turned into one of those Maury Povich paternity test shows. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: Basically they were the Sean Spicers of the Oscars (Muslim Wields Heavy Blunt Object)

Last night, Mahershala Ali became the first Muslim actor to win an Oscar. Or as the Trump White House reported it, “Muslim Wields Heavy Blunt Object.” –Jimmy Fallon

As I’m sure you know, “La La Land” was announced the winner of Best Picture, before it was revealed that there was a mix-up with the envelopes, and “Moonlight” was the actual winner. When this happened I bet Hillary Clinton was like, “Yeah, welcome to my world.” –James Corden

Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway were the presenters that announced the wrong film. Basically they were the Sean Spicers of the Oscars. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: The White House says there’s a perfectly good reason why he did it (Nobody knows what they’re doing)

I thought Jimmy Kimmel did a great job hosting the Oscars — congrats to Jimmy, he’s always good. But did you see what happened at the end? Yeah, the producers of “La La Land” went up on stage after the movie was named Best Picture — then it was announced that they actually lost to “Moonlight.” And today, they joined a support group with the Atlanta Falcons and Hillary Clinton. –Jimmy Fallon

On Friday, CNN, The New York Times, and BuzzFeed were blocked from participating in a media briefing with White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer. CNN called it “unacceptable,” the Times called it “outrageous,” and BuzzFeed called it “one of the top seven things Trump did today that will blow your mind.” –Jimmy Fallon

Over the weekend, Vice President Mike Pence tweeted his support for Israel, but accidentally used an emoji of the Nicaraguan flag instead of the Israeli flag. The White House says there’s a perfectly good reason why he did it: Nobody knows what they’re doing. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: Trump was accused of plagiarism by Kim Jong Un

President Trump announced he will nominate a new Supreme Court Justice sometime next week. Trump said, “I just need a few more days to come up with someone completely unqualified.” –Conan O’Brien

It is true, I’m not making this up, he did call his inauguration day “A National Day of Patriotic Devotion.” So today, Trump was accused of fascism by Democrats and plagiarism by Kim Jong Un. –Conan O’Brien

The Oscar nominations came out today and the movie “La La Land” got 14 nominations. However, that’s only because 3 to 5 million undocumented immigrants voted illegally. –Conan O’Brien

Yeah, all from the same night. #stamina (working a little magic in La La Land)

The CIA is now saying that the Kremlin has multiple sexual recordings of Donald Trump. After hearing this, Trump smirked and said, “Yeah, all from the same night. #stamina.” –Conan O’Brien 

Today, the San Diego Chargers announced they are moving to Los Angeles. The owner of the Chargers said, “What can I say, we really loved ‘La La Land!’” –Conan O’Brien

It’s raining so hard now, we’re actually having mudslides here in L.A. This morning I was driving to work and I was passed by a house. –Conan O’Brien