the female scientists had to finish writing it themselves (the pilot was flying at, like, 5 miles per hour)

A new study has come out analyzing the role of the female orgasm in reproduction. But the male scientists fell asleep before it was done and the female scientists had to finish writing it themselves. –Seth Meyers

A British Airways flight had to make an emergency landing recently after the cabin strongly smelled like marijuana. Even worse, the pilot was flying at, like, 5 miles per hour. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I hope they can get used to doing nothing (the female scientists had to finish writing it themselves)

A new study has come out analyzing the role of the female orgasm in reproduction. But the male scientists fell asleep before it was done and the female scientists had to finish writing it themselves. –Seth Meyers

"Today marks the last day before Congress takes its summer recess. They're taking five weeks off. Five weeks. I hope they can get used to doing nothing." –Seth Meyers

"The New York Times came out in favor of marijuana legalization. Apparently, someone told them that marijuana users are really into 'buying papers.'" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling (Still no word why that study was stuck on my fridge)

“Moonlight” won the Oscar for Best Picture last night after the award was mistakenly presented to “La La Land” due to an envelope mix-up. Yet another embarrassing defeat for perennial loser Ryan Gosling. –Seth Meyers

A new study has been published providing more evidence that straight women have fewer orgasms than men during sex. Still no word why that study was stuck on my fridge. –Seth Meyers

And finally, a brewery in Virginia is coming out with a new beer that it says tastes like Lucky Charms. Said customers, "No, you get ready for school!" --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you ban everyone who lies for Trump on TV, Fox News would just be a test pattern (Cupcakes and Orgasms!)

In a poll last year, 90% of Americans said that they thought it was important that guaranteed coverage for pre-existing conditions remains the law. That’s huge! The only thing with a higher approval rating is Tom Hanks on a unicorn throwing you a birthday party where the theme is “Cupcakes and Orgasms!” --Stephen Colbert

If you ban everyone who lies for Trump on TV, Fox News would just be a test pattern. --Stephen Colbert

A few years ago Tucker Carlson was a regular guest on a radio show called Bubba the Love Sponge. One of the many things that Carlson said that have people upset, is that he called women “Primitive.” Sure, women are primitive. In that right now, many of them want to throw Tucker Carlson into a volcano. --Stephen Colbert

A new home has been found for some geese in Kailua, Hawaii. Some private landowners wanted the geese off their property, but there was a public outcry after an exterminator had been sent to kill all the ducks and geese on Enchanted Lake. It might be time to reassess your career choices when you’re waking up in the morning and saying, “Well, time to kill everything on Enchanted Lake.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it's the only form of birth control her insurance would cover (sweet chocolate buns)

The website Refinery29 recently posted a list of possible wedding gifts for lesbian brides. A lesbian bride is like a straight bride except she's experienced orgasm. --Late Night with Seth Meyers

After a seven-year absence, NBC announced they're bringing back their genealogy series "Who Do You Think You Are?" But this time they're calling it "Surprise: You're Related to Slave Owners." --Late Night with Seth Meyers

NBC ordered has a new "Law and Order" spin-off called "Law and Order: Hate Crimes." It's just body-cam footage. Just kidding. They turn the body cams off for that stuff. --Late Night with Seth Meyers

Officials in Florida yesterday pulled over a woman who was hiding a foot-long alligator in her yoga pants. To be fair, it's the only form of birth control her insurance would cover. --Late Night with Seth Meyers

An ice-cream chain in New York City has created a so-called gelato burger, which is two scoops of gelato sandwiched between sweet chocolate buns. And if you want to know what sweet chocolate buns look like, marry me. --Amber Ruffin

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Women have to stop having food orgasms (we might have retaliated against the wrong country)

The other complaint about Joe Biden and his rollout was that it's a light on policy which is true. You know didn't offer anything like free college but if you are stressed out about your student loans he’ll give you a shoulder rub. --Bill Maher

Layoff Donald Rumsfeld. In his 911 momento Donald Rumsfeld took a piece of the airplane that hit the Pentagon. Like you've never took anything from work. But he kept it for a good reason, to remind himself of who did this to us. Otherwise we might have retaliated against the wrong country. --Bill Maher

Women have to stop having food orgasms. I've heard many women ask why don't they make a viagra for women? They do it's called an M&M. --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the most difficult part was finding time to film the commercial between real orgasms (Where you in a coma from 2001 until 2009?)

It's been reported that Christina Aguilera has been paid close to 1 million dollars to film a commercial where she fakes an orgasm. Aguilera said the most difficult part was finding time to film the commercial between real orgasms. --Conan O’Brien 4/29/2004

It's been reported that a woman who was once Playboy magazines Miss November has come out of the closet and revealed she's a lesbian. Apparently it was pretty obvious since her list of turn ons included Miss October. --Conan O’Brien 1/22/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Think corporations can't afford a minimum wage of $15 hour? (without the high of 10,000 orgasms)

Hey, marathons, if I wanted to waste my day watching someone travel 26 miles by foot, I'd binge-watch "The Lord of the Rings." Frodo needs a Gatorade! --Seth Meyers

Marathon weekend is like any other weekend in New York City, except the people going to the bathroom on the street are in much better shape. --Seth Meyers

Also, soda without the caffeine? That's like asking for heroin without the high of 10,000 orgasms. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

JOKES: providing more evidence that straight women have fewer orgasms than men during sex

A new study has been published providing more evidence that straight women have fewer orgasms than men during sex. Still no word why that study was stuck on my fridge. –Seth Meyers

A new study suggests that not all psychopaths are bad. “Thank you,” said people who pour the milk in before the cereal. –Seth Meyers

President Trump said today that he is going to “save people” from Obamacare. Kinda like how that iceberg “rescued” the Titanic from having to go to New York. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

the female scientists had to finish writing it themselves (In the last 24 hours...)

In the last 24 hours, Donald Trump has refused to endorse Republican leaders up for re-election, accused John McCain of failing veterans, suggested Americans pull their 401(k)s out of the stock market, threw out a crying baby at a rally, fought with the father of a dead soldier, and suggested President Obama was responsible for the death of troops during George W. Bush’s time in office. Said voters, “Yeah, but I’m not sure I trust Hillary Clinton.” –Seth Meyers

Top Republican fundraiser and Hewlett-Packard executive Meg Whitman released a statement saying that she will break with her party and support Hillary Clinton. She wanted to release the statement three days ago, but her printer kept jamming. –Seth Meyers

A new study has come out analyzing the role of the female orgasm in reproduction. But the male scientists fell asleep before it was done and the female scientists had to finish writing it themselves. –Seth Meyers