Think about it — why just be an airline when you can be both an airline and a flying Porta-Potty? (How did we not see this cancellation coming?)

July 2022

“In business news. JetBlue has officially announced that it will buy Spirit Airlines for $3.8 billion. Yeah, 3.8 billion. Yeah. What’s crazy is that Spirit still charged them $30 for a carry-on bag.” —Trevor Noah

“Yes. JetBlue and Spirit, it’s the perfect marriage between broken TVs and broken planes.” —Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, Spirit agreed to a deal with JetBlue and canceled their merger with Frontier Airlines. Today, Frontier was like, ‘Well, it’s Spirit, how did we not see this cancellation coming?’” —Jimmy Fallon

“But, I mean, this is a smart move for JetBlue. You know, a lot of people are confused. They’re like, ‘Why?’ But it makes sense. As a business you want to diversify, you know? Think about it — why just be an airline when you can be both an airline and a flying Porta-Potty?” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They will now be wheeled onboard like Hannibal Lecter (OK, Tasers it is)

August 2021

“Guys, I saw that United Airlines has instructed its flight crew not to use duct tape when dealing with unruly passengers. Don’t use it, yeah. Flight attendants heard and were like, ‘OK, Tasers it is.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, United isn’t allowed to use duct tape, while passengers on Frontier Airlines will now be wheeled onboard like Hannibal Lecter.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, according to the memo, United is against using duct tape unless it’s holding up one of their engines. That’s where they draw the line.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I Can’t Believe It’s Nebraska Sushi (Take that Microsoft you broke ass bitches)

Moving on to some big financial news, Amazon has surpassed Microsoft to become the most valuable company on the planet. It’s now worth nearly $810 Billion. Take that Microsoft you broke ass bitches. Meanwhile the least valuable company on the planet continues to be the makers of “I Can’t Believe It’s Nebraska Sushi.” --James Corden

And finally, a bride and groom who are both mathematicians, came up with an unusual seating arrangement for their wedding guests. Well, everyone had to solve a math equation to find their seat. I did the math of how many people enjoyed that wedding. It was Zero. --James Corden

Frontier Airlines is now asking you to tip their flight attendants. Not to be outdone, Spirit Airlines wants you to kick in for gas money. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Number 1 (crimes against the human colon)

Actor Hugh Grant is marrying the mother of his three children. This news comes as a shock to the mother of his four children. --Conan O’Brien

The NYPD is investigating allegations of sexual misconduct against celebrity chef Mario Batali. They’re also investigating Guy Fieri for crimes against the human colon. --Conan O’Brien

A man was arrested for urinating on a seat during a Frontier Airlines flight. It’s the first time anyone has ever associated Frontier Airlines with number one. --Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

George Bush think tank/please get some help/shallow end

"I heard something interesting today. After he leaves office, George W. Bush is going to start a think tank. That's right, it's like Michael Vick opening an animal shelter. Yeah, the George Bush think tank: it only has a shallow end." --David Letterman

"Anybody ever fly Frontier Airlines? Guy is flying Frontier Airlines, and in the middle of the flight, he gets out of his seat and takes off his pants and he runs up and down the aisle. You know, with his thing hanging out. Senator Craig, please get some help. I'm begging you, please." --David Letterman

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans