Oh man, am I going to have to testify, too? (a tickle fight that got out of control)

“Yep, the House is moving forward with impeachment and now
it’s looking like Trump could be impeached before Christmas.
But, if he behaves, Nancy will let Trump open one of his charges
on Impeachment Eve.” --Jimmy Fallon

“Democrats are now deciding which, which of President Trump’s
crimes to include in the articles of impeachment. They have to
decide, yeah. So far they’ve got bribery, obstruction of justice
and fathering Don Jr.” --Conan O’Brien

“Today Nancy Pelosi said she doesn’t hate the president because
she’s a Catholic and Catholics don’t hate people. I just want to
say as a lifelong Catholic, I thought that was the funniest [expletive]
thing I’ve ever heard in my life. What is she talking about? We hate
everybody.” --Conan O’Brien

“We Catholics don’t hate anyone, O.K.? We are not allowed to. We
don’t hate anyone. That’s why we waged 11 crusades: to remind
those people how much we love them. The Inquisition was just
a tickle fight that got out of control.” --Stephen Colbert

“During her press conference, Pelosi said that she prays for Trump. And then Trump responded on Twitter and said that he doesn’t believe her. And God heard that and was like, ‘Oh man, am I going to have to testify, too?’” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Don't ask me about any of the bad stuff I did (Do not ask me how I got this scar)

Meanwhile, the Russia investigation is still going on. And now President Trump has reportedly agreed to an interview with special counsel Robert Mueller's team, but only if they leave out any questions about obstruction of justice. Or, in complicated legal terms, "Don't ask me about any of the bad stuff I did." --James Corden

Now I'm not a lawyer, but asking the special counsel not to ask you any questions about obstruction of justice seems like some form of obstruction of justice. --James Corden

This is like when your friend says, "Do not ask me how I got this scar." Well now that you've pointed it out, it's literally the only thing I want to ask you about. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They always see the glass as 80% guilty (Feeling GREAT yet?)

"In the Valerie Plame case, Scooter Libby was found not guilty ... on one of the five charges. But the media is instead focusing, of course, on the four counts of perjury, lying to the FBI and obstruction of justice for which Libby was convicted. It's typical. They always see the glass as 80% guilty." --Stephen Colbert

"We have received word that many hundreds of American troops are being held in deplorable, squalid conditions. What kind of people would treat our soldiers in this horrible manner? Funny story -- turns out, it's us. In a bombshell story, the Washington Post has reported that several buildings at the military's Walter Reed Medical Center are so poorly maintained that they are pits riddled with water damage, black mold, and in the case of the notorious Building 18, rampant infestation of cockroaches and rodents at Walter Reed. I can understand this kind of thing if you were running, I don't know, some kind of fast-food restaurant. Or, let's say, a hospital for cockroaches that had been injured in some kind of vermin battle." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the one-man cancer on this White House has been removed (what are we talking about again?)

"Yesterday, I. Lewis Libby, a.k.a. 'The Scooter', the vice president's chief of staff found guilty on four of five counts ranging from obstruction of justice to lying to a grand jury. Yes, we got the guy -- the one-man cancer on this White House has been removed." --Jon Stewart

"The man who lied to the FBI about whether the president secretly declassified files so the vice president could pass the identity of an undercover CIA agent to reporters so as to discredit the woman's husband, who had presented evidence undermining the president's case for war, has been ... what are we talking about again?" --Jon Stewart

"Obviously, this has come at a bad time for the White House. Usually, you want the conviction of a high-ranking official and the veterans-sleeping-in-moldy-rat-holes stories on different days." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You are just asking for it (unless there is proof of an underlying BJ)

"Scooter Libby was found guilty of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements -- or, as the White House calls it, a press conference." --Bill Maher

"The Republican base is furious. They are saying it is wrong to convict someone of perjury and obstruction of justice unless there is proof of an underlying blow job." --Bill Maher

"All the Republican papers are saying Bush must pardon Scooter Libby right way. I say that if Bush doesn't pardon him, at least he should give him a new nickname, because if you have 'Scooter' on the back of your prison jumpsuit, you are just asking for it." --Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Baby, I couldn’t have been texting with my ex last night (I was too busy sleeping with your mom)

  

On Saturday, Trump tweeted, “I had to fire General Flynn because he lied to the vice president and the FBI.” OK, here’s the thing — Trump’s not supposed to have known Flynn lied to the FBI. Because, the day after he fired Flynn, FBI Director James Comey says Trump told him to go easy on Flynn. That would be an admission to obstruction of justice. It’s like when you’re trying to get out of one lie and you accidentally tell a much worse lie. “Baby, I couldn’t have been texting with my ex last night, I was too busy sleeping with your mom.” –Stephen Colbert

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Just don’t ask where the mint on your pillow has been (Out of how many?)

The state of California has what they call “pay to stay” jails where an inmate can pay for a more comfortable cell. For $100 a night an inmate can get a semi-private room, single showers, and they can make phone calls whenever they want. Like a hotel. Just don’t ask where the mint on your pillow has been. –Jimmy Kimmel

According to a new CBS poll, President Trump’s approval rating is just 36 percent. Said Trump, “Out of how many?” –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535

We sabotaged bernie for HRC's donors (secretly hoping)

But I guess this investigation is also a big deal. Democrats are hoping that this will lead to impeachment. Republicans, on the other hand, are secretly hoping ... that this will lead to impeachment. –James Corden

Trump also tried to deflect the allegations by going after Hillary Clinton — again. This afternoon, he posted: “Crooked H destroyed phones with hammer, bleached emails and had husband meet with AG days before she was cleared — and they talk about obstruction?” Now just so you know, I don’t understand what this means either. But let’s go through it piece by piece. Let’s start with “Crooked H.” Now, I think he’s talking about Hillary, but Crooked H could also be a member of the Wu Tang Clan. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Where I stand on giving speeches to Wall Street (a date which will live in infamy)

How do you guys think the president of the United States responded to these very serious allegations? If you guessed “on Twitter,” I’m sorry to report that you were correct. –James Corden

This morning Donald Trump tweeted: “They made up a phony collusion with the Russian story, found zero proof, so now they go with obstruction of justice on the phony story. Nice.” Donald Trump is the first president to make regular use of the sarcastic “nice,” isn’t he? You never heard FDR go, “This is a date which will live in infamy. Nice.” –James Corden

Although, Bill Clinton did use “nice,” but it was different. It was when he said, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman. [winks] Nice.” –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Let’s be honest: That’s the real crime, isn’t it? (We’re back, baby!)

A United Airlines employee is under fire for pushing over a 71-year-old passenger. Or as the CEO of United put it, “We’re back, baby!” –Conan O’Brien

Sunday is Father’s Day and the Trump kids are planning to give their father a tie. It’ll be the first time in a while that Trump has a tie that’s not linked to Russia. –Conan O’Brien

It was revealed yesterday that the FBI is now investigating President Donald Trump for obstruction of justice. I don’t know if Trump obstructed justice, but I’ll tell you what he has obstructed — my ability to talk about anything other than Trump every night on this show. Let’s be honest: That’s the real crime, isn’t it? –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

now give me the bad news/blondes and Hannity/the Playboy Channel for chimpanzees/dumber BBC

The Washington Post reports that President Trump is being investigated for obstruction of justice, which could wind up costing him the presidency. Trump was like, “OK, now give me the bad news.” –Jimmy Fallon

Fox News is dropping its slogan “fair and balanced.” Instead, it will be replaced with the more appropriate slogan “blondes and Hannity.” –Jimmy Fallon

National Geographic’s new slogan is “basically the Playboy Channel for chimpanzees.” –Jimmy Fallon

BBC America is changing their slogan to “dumber BBC.” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

LeBron, it’s the president. Congratulations (Cloudy, with a chance of obstruction)

We have to congratulate the Golden State Warriors for winning the NBA Championship last night. It was absolutely incredible. Trump was confused because he thought the NBA Championship was like the presidential election and the second-place finisher is declared the winner. “LeBron, it’s the president. Congratulations.” –James Corden

There are rumors going around already that the Warriors have voted unanimously to skip going to the White House to meet President Trump. Trump was very understanding. He was like, “Look, I get it. I skip going to the White House whenever I can, too.” –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats