Hail to the mother f------ chief (Next thing you know, we'll be putting a man on the moon)

 

"There was even more good news for Barack Obama yesterday. Caroline Kennedy endorsed him in a New York Times editorial and today her uncle Theodore granted Obama his blessing [on screen: Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA) saying, 'I'm proud to stand with him here today and offer my help, offer my voice, offer my energy, my commitment to make Barack Obama the next president of the United States']. What just happened to me? Did I just get inspired by Ted Kennedy? Next thing you know, we'll be putting a man on the moon." --Jon Stewart

"We can talk all night about who won the debate, who lost the debate, but I will say one thing. One of the candidates last night was much funnier than the others [on screen: When asked if Bill Clinton was the U.S.' first black POTUS, Obama saying, 'I would have to, you know, investigate more, you know, Bill's dancing abilities and, you know, some of this other stuff before I accurately judge whether he was in fact a brother. In a race where you have an African-American and a woman and John']. Obama ended, 'A white guy runs for president like this, my objective is to get to the oval office. While the brother is like, hail to the mother f------ chief." --Jon Stewart

Obama destroyed Hillary Clinton. There is no way to minimize this historic drubbing [on screen: Bill Clinton saying, 'Jesse Jackson won South Carolina twice in '84 and '88. He ran a good campaign and Senator Obama ran a good campaign here']. I believe President Clinton might be suggesting that once South Carolina went black it could never go back. Sure Jesse Jackson won but that was the 1984, 1988 primary and it was a caucus and the nominee had been decided, by my point is, they're both black guys." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When did the Senate become 'The Jerry Springer Show'? (If 2020 was a Presidential Election)

February 2013

"Former Senator Pete Domenici of New Mexico revealed that while in office he fathered a child with the daughter of another senator, who was a friend of his. He cheated on his wife with the daughter of another senator and they had a baby. When did the Senate become 'The Jerry Springer Show'?" –Jay Leno

"Domenici is defending himself by saying that he is no better or worse than the next guy. And he's right, because you know who the next guy was? John Edwards." –Jay Leno

"Former Chicago Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. pled guilty to misusing hundreds of thousands of dollars of campaign funds for personal use, including buying a $43,000 Rolex watch. How ironic is that? All that money on a watch, and now he's going to wind up doing time." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don't know if we're supposed to compete, ask for a loan or surrender (he might have been given his own show on CNN)

July 2012

"Last night I went out for Chinese. I picked up a Team USA Olympic uniform." –Jay Leno

"We have American athletes in uniforms made in China, wearing French berets. I don't know if we're supposed to compete, ask for a loan or surrender." –Jay Leno

"The big news in Washington now is the disappearance of Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. Nobody can find him. He's completely disappeared. People think he's either in rehab or he might have been given his own show on CNN." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hillary Clinton said she thinks we may need to send more men to Afghanistan (hardly anything rhymes with Barack Obama)

"Muslim American groups are angry over the way Muslims are portrayed on the new season of the Fox drama '24.' A spokesman for Fox said, 'If Muslims are upset about that, they should see how they are portrayed on Fox News.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The Reverend Jesse Jackson told CNN that he's planning to endorse Barack Obama for president. Experts say this is a risky move for Jackson, because hardly anything rhymes with 'Barack Obama.'" --Conan O'Brien

"In her first press conference after her trip overseas, Hillary Clinton said she thinks we may need to send more men to Afghanistan. The men she wants to send? John Edwards and Barack Obama." --Jay Leno

"In the Scooter Libby trial, the defense is looking for people for the jury who trust Dick Cheney. Unfortunately, most of the people who trust Dick Cheney have also been indicted." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hillary Clinton called it a bad omen (Good luck trying to find another campaign manager)

"Congratulations to Vice President Al Gore. He has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Luckily for Gore, Florida does not vote on this one." --Jay Leno

"Congratulations to Tony Dungy, the first African American coach to win the Super Bowl. As the first African American, Jesse Jackson called it a ground breaking moment. Al Sharpton called it a positive step. And Hillary Clinton called it a bad omen." --Jay Leno

"The Mayor of San Francisco, Gavin Newsom, has apologized for having an affair with the wife of his campaign manager. To be fair, he's not the first guy in San Francisco to have sex behind someone's back. He also stated this will not stop him from seeking re-election. Good luck trying to find another campaign manager." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

JOKES: You cannot tell me that that face is still alive (naturally impartial)

"As for Hillary Clinton, she won huge yesterday in the Florida primary, taking 54% of the vote. Florida is a big deal, unlike South Carolina which is not a big deal. I forget why again. Jimmy? [on screen: Bill Clinton saying, 'Jesse Jackson won South Carolina twice in '84 and '88']. That's right. None of this has to do with racial politics. South Carolina is not unimportant because it had too many black voters, but because it had too few old voters. 

Florida is chuck-a-block full of the oldies. And we all know the elderly are the best judge of who should be the next president. And here's why -- they are naturally objective because whoever they vote for, most of them will not live to see that person inaugurated and have those policies affect their lives. This makes them naturally impartial. The only better judges are dead people, who are really independents. I mean, look at Joe Lieberman [on screen: Lieberman]. You cannot tell me that that face is still alive." --Stephen Colbert

my point is, they're both black guys (Next thing you know, we'll be putting a man on the moon)

"Obama destroyed  Hillary Clinton. There is no way to minimize this historic drubbing [on screen: Bill Clinton saying, 'Jesse Jackson won South Carolina twice in '84 and '88. He ran a good campaign and Senator Obama ran a good campaign here']. I believe President Clinton might be suggesting that once South Carolina went black it could never go back. Sure Jesse Jackson won but that was the 1984, 1988 primary and it was a caucus and the nominee had been decided, by my point is, they're both black guys." --Jon Stewart

"There was even more good news for  Barack Obama yesterday. Caroline Kennedy endorsed him in a New York Times editorial and today her uncle Theodore granted Obama his blessing [on screen: Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA) saying, 'I'm proud to stand with him here today and offer my help, offer my voice, offer my energy, my commitment to make Barack Obama the next president of the United States']. What just happened to me? Did I just get inspired by Ted Kennedy? Next thing you know, we'll be putting a man on the moon." --Jon Stewart

His massive plan of foreclosures and plummeting real estate prices finally paid off

"The Olympics start the Friday after next. For some reason, they're having them in Beijing, and the government right now is very hard at work trying to cover up all the horrible things they do in that country every day. It's like when your mom comes to visit your dorm." --Jimmy Kimmel

"President Bush is on the hunt for a new home. He just found out he and Laura are going to have to move out of the White House in a few months. His massive plan of foreclosures and plummeting real estate prices finally paid off." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The latest politic gossip is that Hillary Clinton is not particularly high on Barack Obama's vice presidential list. In fact, turns out she's somewhere between the Reverend Wright and Jesse Jackson." --Jay Leno