Who are you gonna believe? A U.S. senator or a hooker? (Maybe blind people shouldn't be driving them?)

 

"At the end of this month, the city of Vienna, Austria, will be holding a divorce fair where people can get information on how to get a divorce. I believe the keynote speaker will be Rudy Giuliani, followed by a concert by Paul McCartney." --Jay Leno

"Hybrid vehicles are so quiet at slow speeds that blind people say they are a safety risk. Again, this is another issue I don't think President Bush understands. Like today, Bush said, 'Maybe blind people shouldn't be driving them.'" --Jay Leno

"A New Orleans prostitute has come forward and said she has had sex with married Louisiana Senator David Vitter two or three times a week over a four-month period. This is actually good news for the Republicans. Finally a sex scandal involving a woman." --Jay Leno

"Senator Vitter is denying this woman's allegations. Who are you gonna believe? A U.S. senator or a hooker? I've gotta go with the hooker." --Jay Leno

 

"President Bush announced his new fitness plan to get people walking again. It's called, 'Gasoline at $3 a gallon.' Given how expensive gas is, today, I saw a van with 50 legal Americans inside it." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He only started to cheat on his wife after he started to hang out with the wrong crowd (He says he was doing the hokey-pokey)

 

"Boy, did you hear those audio tapes? Larry Craig said he put his right foot in, then he took his right foot out, then he put his left foot in and he shook it all about. He says he was doing the hokey-pokey." --Jay Leno

"The darling of the religious right, conservative Senator David Vitter of Louisiana, has not only admitted to having sex with prostitutes, he would pay them $300 to make him wear diapers. And today that crazy astronaut called him 'my dream guy! He's got my vote.'" --Jay Leno

"Sen. Russ Feingold, who I believe is running for president, said over the weekend he's pushing the Senate to censure the president over spying. Bush, he isn't worried about it, he knew it was coming. He'd been listening to Feingold's conversations for the last three months." --Jay Leno

 

"Today, David Vitter put out a statement saying he only started to cheat on his wife after he started to hang out with the wrong crowd, you know -- Giuliani, Newt Gingrich, the mayor of L.A." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I tell ya, these guys have really hit the lottery (The only thing I trust less than)

"Now the detainees at Guantanamo will be treated in accordance with the Geneva Conventions. The government is going the extra mile. Each one of them will also be receiving -- and this, I think, is exciting -- a Valpak savings envelope from Smart Shopper. I mean, just a plethora of discounts for airport travel, pizza, dry cleaning, dog food. I tell ya, these guys have really hit the lottery." --Jon Stewart

"I'm not a fan of personal vendetta gotcha-style politics, where a politician's private sexual behavior is used against him. But there can be exceptions. Take Louisiana Senator David Vitter, who came to prominence in the '90s demanding President Clinton's impeachment for the Monica Lewinsky affair. Well, it seems the condom is on the other foot. Last week, Vitter became the highest profile John implicated in the DC madam scandal. It kinda reminds me of the old saying, 'The only thing I trust less than a Louisiana senator sleeping with a hooker, is one that isn't.'" --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only thing I trust less than a Louisiana senator sleeping with a hooker, is one that isn't (their banana bread is delicious, to die for)

"I'm not a fan of personal vendetta gotcha-style politics,

where a politician's private sexual behavior is used against

him. But there can be exceptions. Take Louisiana Senator

David Vitter, who came to prominence in the '90s demanding

President Clinton's impeachment for the Monica Lewinsky

affair. Well, it seems the condom is on the other foot. Last

week, Vitter became the highest profile John implicated

in the DC madam scandal. It kinda reminds me of the old

saying, 'The only thing I trust less than a Louisiana senator

sleeping with a hooker, is one that isn't.'" --Jon Stewart

"He was booed. Cheney said he was very surprised.

He thought he'd be greeted as a liberator with flowers

and candy." --David Letterman, on Cheney throwing

out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals home opener

"Well President Bush was everywhere this week, wasn't he?

He doesn't give a press conference for three years and now

we can't get him to shut-up. And, of course, he was blaming

the troubles in Iraq on the media, saying 'they're not reporting

the good news.' Maybe that's true. For example, today in

Baghdad, it was widely reported that gunmen killed four

workers in a bakery. But no one mentioned that their banana

bread is delicious, to die for." --Bill Maher

"Apparently President Charles In Charge (Bush) did not know

about this whole thing until the story broke in the newspapers.

You know, you could say Ronald Reagan was asleep at the

switch. At least he knew there was a switch." --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

finding out A) he's packin' jumbo heat (They're not tweeting love letters)

June 2011

"A new photo was released that the Congressman's c*ck apparently took of him." –Jon Stewart on Anthony Weiner

"Democrats don't share our values. An elected official is tweeting dirty photos of himself to strange women who he never meets for sex? Come on! At least Republican Chris Lee was trying to get some action! Republican politicians are man enough to hit that thing. Ensign, Vitter, even when it's a gay scandal! They're not tweeting love letters. They're tearing up an airport bathroom until somebody calls the cops on them!" –Stephen Colbert

"The most upsetting thing about having a friend caught up in a scandal of this nature is finding out A) he's packin' jumbo heat, and B) that he's ripped." –Jon Stewart on Anthony Weiner

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

It could get a little awkward if... (Nah, Jamal is doin' 30 months for jaywalking)

"Republican Presidential hopeful Mike Hucka-BS is attacking actress Natalie Portman for getting pregnant without being married. It could get a little awkward if he runs into Sarah and Bristol Palin at Fox News." –Jay Leno

"President Bush has commuted Scooter Libby ‘s sentence because he felt that 30 months in jail for four felonies was way too harsh, so he reduced it a little. Back to nothing, zero. See, that's called the rich white guy reduction. See, that's 'cause his name's Scooter. There's not a lot of guys named Jamal gettin' that deal. Nah, Jamal is doin' 30 months for jaywalking." --Jay Leno

"Donald Rumsfeld is writing a book about the war in Iraq. To give you an idea of how accurate this book is, it never ends. It's 80,000 pages." --Jay Leno

"But David Vitter says he's not going to talk about his use of prostitutes out of respect for his wife, that's what he said today. It's all these guys getting caught with hookers, they have this newfound respect for their wife. Ya know something, when his pants were down around his ankles leaving the motel, I don't see him going 'you know, I love my wife.' Well you know what makes it especially hypocritical: apparently Vitter has been a strong opponent of same-sex marriage, but today he explained that too. Apparently he's against having sex with the person you're married to." --Jay Leno

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation (going out with hookers)

"John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation." –Stephen Colbert

"Tonight, we will be riding a gnarly GOP barrel all the way to tax cut beach!" –Stephen Colbert

"John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. It is the highest elected office ever to be reached by an Orange-American." –Daily Show correspondent Olivia Munn

"Russ Feingold was defeated for having progressive values. In Louisiana, David Vitter has absolutely destroyed his challenger by going out with hookers." – Jon Stewart, on America's priorities

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He admits he's a follower of the bearded radical from the Middle East (fighting fire with fire)

"Republican Senator Tom Coburn said yesterday that Christine O'Donnell, if elected, will be able to combat the stupidity in Washington. So I guess they're going to fight fire with fire." –Jay Leno

"It's getting very nasty in Louisiana in the Senate race down there. The Democrat that's running has a two-minute TV ad about Republican Sen. David Vitter, which features the hooker that Vitter paid $300 to. It's a two-minute ad. And here's the embarrassing part for Vitter: the ad lasted a minute longer than he did." –Jay Leno

"South Dakota Senator John Thune says he's talked to his wife about running for president in 2012. And of course his wife had the same question that we all have: 'Who are you again?'" –Jay Leno

"Yesterday President Obama told voters that he's a Christian. But you see how Fox News reported it? They said Obama admits he's a follower of the bearded radical from the Middle East." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

at least he went to a professional and left the congressional pages alone (commuted sentences)

"Boy, you folks here in the audience, you're here on a great night. Everybody in the theater tonight will have their sentence commuted by President Bush, congratulations." --David Letterman

"They have prostitutes in Washington D.C., and it now turns out that senators and congressmen and important, powerful people are dating the prostitutes. And there's a senator from Louisiana, David Vitter, admitted he's been dating prostitutes. And he was very generous with one girl, he paid her with a new highway project in her home state. One thing I'll say for this guy from Louisiana, this David Vitter, at least he went to a professional and left the  congressional pages alone." --David Letterman

    

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster, soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

You want that back? Raise taxes on the rich. (You think the Senator's embarrassed?)

"Family values conservative Republican Senator from Louisiana David Vitter admitted he has had sex with prostitutes. Apparently years ago this Senator Vitter guy had been seeing one of the DC Madam's escorts. You think the Senator's embarrassed? How about the hooker? Now the whole world knows she had sex with a politician, eww." --Jay Leno

"But he says he's not going to talk about it out of respect for his wife, that's what he said today. It's all these guys getting caught with hookers, they have this newfound respect for their wife. Ya know something, when his pants were down around his ankles leaving the motel, I don't see him going 'you know, I love my wife.' Well you know what makes it especially hypocritical: apparently Vitter has been a strong opponent of same-sex marriage, but today he explained that too. Apparently he's against having sex with the person you're married to." --Jay Leno

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster, soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

He pays for the hookers with his bribe money (weird in-laws/fondu set)

"There's another one of those prostitution scandals down there in Washington, DC. Louisiana Senator David Vitter admitted that he's been visiting Washington area prostitutes. And I thought about this, 'Whoa, wait a minute, a politician, paying for a hooker? I didn't see that comin.'" --David Letterman

"But good for Vitter, he said that it did not cost the taxpayers a cent. He pays for the hookers with his bribe money." --David Letterman

"Well here's good news, Osama Bin Laden's son, Omar, just got married. Let's see how he likes being terrorized. And you thought you had weird in-laws." --David Letterman

"By the way, if you wanna send the couple a wedding gift, they have all the pipe bombs they need. What they could really use, they'd really like to have a fondu set." --David Letterman

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Well, I bet she's all ears now (top or bottom)

"And this DC Madam says that Vitter was not only having sex with the prostitutes -- this is unbelievable -- he would also pay them to dress him up in a diaper. See, that's what you call a pampered politician. And she also said today in an interview that he sometimes paid $300 an hour just to have the hookers talk to him because his wife didn't listen to him. Well, I bet she's all ears now." --Jay Leno

"Next month, right here in Los Angeles, the major  Democratic candidates have agreed to appear in the first ever gay debate. They will only discuss topics concerning gay Americans. Then we should actually find out which candidate ends up on the top and which one ends up on the bottom." --Jay Leno

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

This guy was cheating on his hooker with another hooker (pump money into the economy)

"Republican Senator and family values conservative -- that's what he calls himself -- Senator David Vitter of Louisiana admitted he was a client of the so called  DC Madam in Washington. See, this is so wrong. At least use a hooker from your own state. I mean they're gonna pump money into the economy, make it your own." --Jay Leno

"Well now more problems with this Vitter guy. You gotta go on his website, he's like Mr. Religious, Mr. Family Values. Well now a second madam has come forward and told the Associated Press that he was also a customer at her brothel. This guy was cheating on his hooker with another hooker." --Jay Leno

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

If things don't improve, people are going to think the war isn't going well (more pie)

"The senator from Louisiana, David Vitter, he's admitted now he dates hookers in Washington, D.C, and also in Louisiana. But, he said, in his defense, he always selected the girl with the lowest bid. So he's fiscally prudent." --David Letterman

"President Bush was talking about Iraq today and he said that the United States and Iraq has met eight out of 18 of the benchmarks required in Iraq. If things don't improve, people are going to think the war isn't going well." --David Letterman

"And how about Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff? He says he had a gut feeling there could be a new terror attack. Said he had a 'gut' feeling. Coincidentally, Al Gore said he had a gut feeling he needed more pie." --David Letterman

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

he only started to cheat on his wife after he started to hang out with the wrong crowd (my dream guy!)

"The darling of the religious right, conservative Senator David Vitter of Louisiana, has not only admitted to having sex with prostitutes, he would pay them $300 to make him wear diapers. And today that crazy astronaut called him 'my dream guy! He's got my vote.'" --Jay Leno

"Today, Vitter put out a statement saying he only started to cheat on his wife after he started to hang out with the wrong crowd, you know -- Giuliani, Newt Gingrich, the mayor of L.A." --Jay Leno

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Another example of government waste (He did poo-poo them though)

"Louisiana Senator David Vitter has admitted he was a client of the DC madam. She made public a list of all her clients' phone numbers. Here's my question: If you're so stupid to go to a prostitute and give her your real name and your Senate office phone number, how did you get elected in the first place?" --Jay Leno

"The DC madam said he sometimes paid $300 an hour just to have the hookers talk to him ... and they didn't have sex. Another example of government waste." --Jay Leno

"Here's just the creepiest part of the story: there are now reports that the senator paid prostitutes to dress him up in a diaper. He's not denying these allegations. He did poo-poo them though." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

decrying our corrupt culture while secretly indulging in it (Victimcrite)

      

"One Republican who is at tonight's debate is Louisiana Senator David Vitter. He returned to work today, fighting for his political life after his phone number turned up in the records of alleged DC madam Jane Pauley. What? I'm sorry, I misread that. Deborah Jeane Palfrey. That is a much less interesting story. Vitter's asked for forgiveness from God and his wife. But, of course, the Democrats have no respect for God or wives. So they made a political issue out if it. They say Vitter's a hypocrite. I say he's tonight's 'Word.' Victimcrite. The Dems are trying to use Vitter's human frailty for their politics of personal destruction 

[on screen: Whorehouse Veterans For Truth]. 

When Vitter replaced Bob Livingston, he then voted to impeach Clinton, calling President Clinton 'morally unfit to govern' 

[on screen: But Great Wingman]. 

Vitter has also campaigned as a family values conservative who received a prestigious award from the Family Research Council 

[on screen: Best Actor In A Marriage]. 

His critics are demanding the senator resign. I say, senator, your country needs you, stay strong 

[on screen: If You 'Stay Strong' More Than Four Hours, Call A Doctor]. 

Where would we be, folks, if everyone who advocated a position had to live up to it? That would mean anyone who supported a war would have to be willing to fight one 

[on screen: Pres. Bush and VP Cheney]. 

So, America, don't punish people like David Vitter for decrying our corrupt culture while secretly indulging in it. They're only doing it because they want to protect us so much, they're willing to save us from them 

[on screen: Victimcrite]. 

And that's 'The Word.'" --Stephen Colbert

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Well, it seems the condom is on the other foot (a maniacal extremist)

"How about that Osama bin Laden? He's got another one of those videos. This is really creepy stuff. He is a maniacal extremist, he's full of threats, there's a lot of ranting. No, wait a minute. That's Rosie O'Donnell's blog." --David Letterman

"I'm not a fan of personal vendetta gotcha-style politics, where a politician's private sexual behavior is used against him. But there can be exceptions. Take Louisiana Senator David Vitter, who came to prominence in the '90s demanding President Clinton's impeachment for the Monica Lewinsky affair. Well, it seems the condom is on the other foot. Last week, Vitter became the highest profile John implicated in the DC madam scandal. It kinda reminds me of the old saying, 'The only thing I trust less than a Louisiana senator sleeping with a hooker, is one that isn't.'" --Jon Stewart

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Unfortunately, his best friend is someone named Thumper (endangered species)

"David Vitter's wife was by his side when he made the announcement. She called the senator her 'best friend.' Unfortunately, his best friend is someone named Thumper." --Jay Leno

"John McCain has a new campaign slogan, 'An Army Of One.' I don't want to say McCain's campaign is broke, but today he held a rally at the 99-cent store." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore's lovely daughter Sarah got married over the weekend. Critics are now bashing Al Gore for serving Chilean sea bass at his daughter's wedding, because it is an endangered species. In his defense, whenever Al Gore picks up a knife and fork, any species is endangered" --Jay Leno

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Are you supposed to take the word of a politician over a hooker? (a leader who touches just the right amount)

"In Manchester, New Hampshire, former President Bill Clinton bashed President Bush as a leader that is out of touch. See, why can't we combine President Bush and President Clinton, and get a leader who touches just the right amount." --Jay Leno

"Louisiana Senator David Vitter held a press conference this week, where he admitted yes, he was a client of the DC madam, but he said those stories of hookers dressing him in diapers were not true. Boy, what do you do there? Are you supposed to take the word of a politician over a hooker? It's a tough decision for people." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans