he's got what it takes to be a priest – or an interior decorator (Please Don't Eat Me)

February 2013

"It's tax season. Has anybody been to their accountant? I used to go in with a short form and be out of there in 10 minutes. Well, now I went to the guy and the first thing he says to me when I walk into the office is, 'Are you sure you weren't tailed?'" –David Letterman

"Congratulations to Chuck Hagel, the new secretary of defense. And today, he's already off to a bad start. He's going to bring all of the troops home from Afghanistan, but they're coming on a Carnival Cruise." –David Letterman

"Italy just had its elections. There's no winner. There's no government in Italy. People over there have been running wild through the streets, waving their hands in the air. And then they heard about the elections." –Craig Ferguson

"All this turmoil, of course, is nothing new in Italy. Until the late 19th century it was just a bunch of feuding states. And the women had tiny mustaches. It was like the Kardashians." –Craig Ferguson

"Italian women are some of the most beautiful in the world. This is why the Vatican is in Italy. If a man can walk across Italy and retain his celibacy, he's got what it takes to be a priest – or an interior decorator." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

At least that's what the president is telling Joe Biden (What kind of a nut job is this guy?)

January 2013

"Secretary of State Hillary Clinton returned to work today and as a joke, her staff gave her a helmet. This is the second time a Clinton in government has been asked to wear protection." –Conan O'Brien

"Tickets to President Obama's inauguration have sold out. At least that's what the president is telling Joe Biden." –Conan O'Brien

"Chuck Hagel is the new secretary of defense nominee. They are saying that he may be reluctant to send troops into a war zone needlessly. What kind of a nut job is this guy?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Bush says he doesn't care what a bunch of Canadians think (mister, do you want fries with this?)

"Thirty towns in Vermont have voted to impeach President Bush, but Bush says he doesn't care what a bunch of Canadians think." --Jay Leno

"In a speech in South Carolina, presidential candidate Joe Biden says he has a plan for Iraq, he can solve the problem and it's time to make a change. And then the kid at the counter said, 'Uh mister, do you want fries with this?'" --Jay Leno

"Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel -- he's a Republican -- called a press conference to announce he'll be making a decision about running for president sometime later in the year. So, he called a press conference to say maybe later in the year he's going to say something important. This is the kind of bold, decisive leadership this country needs." --Jay Leno

"People are saying Scooter Libby is taking the fall for Cheney. Personally, I think Libby got off easy -- usually when you take one for Cheney, it's a shot in the face" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

That sounds like a rare genetic disorder (presidential candi-Jew)

"In other big political news, Michael Bloomberg, the popular mayor of New York City, has left the Republican Party. This act thoroughly decimates the elfin, effete, and Jewish wing of the Republican Party. But is there something more? [on screen: reports on rumors Bloomberg will run for POTUS]. I assume some of the media feel that the mayor's personal wealth could overcome his image as a short, Jewish, effete, Jewish, bachelor, Jewish, presidential candi-Jew." --Jon Stewart

"The only thing pundits enjoy more than speculating about who might run for president? Speculating about who that hypothetical person would run with [on screen: pundit saying the 'dream' ticket would be Bloomberg and Chuck Hagel]. Bloomberg-Hagel? That doesn't sound like a dream ticket. That sounds like a rare genetic disorder." --Jon Stewart

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Operation Bore Them to Death (findings are based on the study of the Bush twins)

"And today in Afghanistan, a helicopter carrying three US senators had to make an emergency landing because of bad weather. All three senators are okay. Wasn't that the plot of the last "Rambo" movie? No, in the helicopter were Senators Chuck Hagel, Joe Biden, and John Kerry. See, they are part of our new military offensive against al Qaeda, Operation Bore Them to Death. They give speeches, the people fall asleep, we attack." --Jay Leno

"Hard to believe Fidel Castro is gone. See? So, the embargo worked; 49 years later, he is out of there. In fact, to mark the end of his almost 50 years in power, the Cuban people today gave Fidel Castro a golden raft." --Jay Leno

"Scientists now believe that a child's intellectual power, a child's brain power, a child's I.Q., is inherited solely from the mother. All the intelligence of a child comes from the mother. These findings are based on the study of the Bush twins." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

It will be the first time Jesus' death is blamed on Obamacare

"Fox News host Bill O'Reilly is writing a new book about the killing of Jesus. It will be the first time Jesus' death is blamed on Obamacare." –Conan O'Brien  

"Today 15 Republican Senators demanded the withdrawal of Hagel's nomination and it's no wonder. Senate Republicans have found all sorts of shady associations in Hagel's past. For instance, he was once a Senate Republican." –Stephen Colbert 

"Michelle Obama is actually here tonight to talk about her fitness initiative 'Let’s Move.' Meanwhile, Chris Christie will be on next week to talk about his initiative 'Let's Sit."'" –Jimmy Fallon