Or whatever they call that thing women use to not get pregnant (It’s time to start investigating the ethics panel)

"Do you know that $8.7 billion of our money has gone missing in Iraq? I didn't even know they had a Goldman Sachs over there." –Jay Leno

"Three convicted murderers escaped from a prison in Arizona. The governor told the people, 'Don't worry, all three murderers are American citizens.'" –Jay Leno

"Us magazine is reporting that Levi Johnston wants to get a GED. Or whatever they call that thing women use to not get pregnant." –Jay Leno

"Charlie Rangel has reportedly struck a deal with the ethics panel. You know what that means. It’s time to start investigating the ethics panel." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

six months before the deal Reagan used Oliver North's shredder to make coleslaw (that'll get you impeached)

"Wasilla, Alaska is so small if you pick up the guide book, it's called 'Things to do in Wasilla.' If you pick up a copy of that guide book and open it up, things to do in Wasilla, it reads, you're doing it. That's it. That's all you can do." --David Letterman

"Here's what we know about Ann Coulter. She's blonde, she's single, and well, maybe someone will set her up with O.J." --David Letterman

"And they say that Barack Obama now is a little down in the polls. Now this is a surprise, because after they announced the vice presidential candidate, they were hoping to get that Joe Biden bounce. Now don't confuse that Joe Biden bounce with a Bill Clinton bounce -- that'll get you impeached." --David Letterman

The special prosecutor looking into the Iran-Contra affair, the big arms for hostages swap, now believes that former President Ronald Reagan did know about the arms for hostages transaction. Not only that, he said that Reagan knew about the ensuing cover-up. And listen to this, six months before the deal Reagan used Oliver North's shredder to make coleslaw. --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Y'all giving out free trips to Jamaica? (All Crocs are special)

Designer brand Yves Saint Laurent has released a new line of jewelry that includes penis earrings. Said lesbians -- "Ugh, earrings." --Seth Meyers and Jenny

The ACLU has filed a lawsuit on behalf of a Philadelphia-born man who says he was detained for three weeks while ICE agents tried to deport him to Jamaica. "Said black people -- 'Y'all giving out free trips to Jamaica?'" --Seth Meyers and Amber

Scottish Parliament officially changed the name of 'gingerbread men' to 'gingerbread people' to make them gender-neutral. "And that's great. But they leave crumbs everywhere and they don't wear pants, so I'm pretty sure they're men." Seth Meyers and Jenny

According to a recent article, a movie is in the works about the life of Rosa Parks. "The article was originally on the front page, but it was asked to move to the back." --Seth Meyers and Amber

Rapper Post Malone announced that he has designed a special pair of Crocs. "Said lesbians -- 'All Crocs are special.'" --Seth Meyers and Jenny

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You know what's actually disrespectful to the American flag? (our sound effects guy)

The special prosecutor looking into the Iran-Contra affair, the big arms for hostages swap, now believes that former President Ronald Reagan did know about the arms for hostages transaction. Not only that, he said that Reagan knew about the ensuing cover-up. And listen to this, six months before the deal Reagan used Oliver North's shredder to make coleslaw. --David Letterman 11/4/1993

A new book about the life of Bob Hope a beloved American entertainer, and one of the stories in the book explains that Bob Hope, when he goes to like parties he will sometimes take with him his cue card holder and cue cards. I think maybe to some people that sounds kind of strange. But to me I'm thinking back a couple of years ago. I had a long romantic weekend date with this girl and I took along our sound effects guy. --David Letterman 11/4/1993

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I can't wait for Trump to turn the Washington monument into a condo. --David Letterman

"Donald Trump as President of the United States. I can't wait for the Washington monument to turn into a condo." --David Letterman

"When they had to book [Jack Abramoff], they emptied his pockets and Tom DeLay fell out. We're learning more and more about this Abramoff guy. You know, before he was a lobbyist, he was a Hollywood producer. So he went from Sodom to Gomorrah." --Jay Leno

"President Bush was clearing brush at his ranch when he was scratched by a tree. That's a switch, a tree harming a Republican, when does that ever happen? I guess Bush has cut down so many trees they're starting to fight back now." --Jay Leno