Astronomers
reportedly discovered 60 new planets near our solar system. “How are the
schools?” asked Melania. –Seth Meyers
Defense officials
are reporting that a Russian spy ship has been spotted patrolling 30 miles off
the coast of the United States. Said one U.S. official [shows photo of Trump],
“Oh, that’s my Uber.” –Seth Meyers
This afternoon, we
learned that Trump’s secretary of labor nominee, Andy Puzder, has withdrawn his
nomination. Just to be clear, this is not a scandal. He says he just wants to
spend more time with Michael Flynn. –Stephen Colbert
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