CBS says they'll replace it with something funnier (rekindle the fires of human dignity)

Speaking of, CBS announced they are indeed ending the late night comedy show, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert next year. Fans were shocked. They had no idea it was comedy. And truly, it was a rough day for the show's viewer. Meanwhile, CBS says they'll replace it with something funnier. Two episodes of Forensic Files. —Greg Gutfeld

Jimmy Kimmel blasted the decision with a foul-mouthed post on Instagram. He would have done it on his show, but he wanted people to see it. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Uh-oh, said a bunch of high school teachers (Political Language Explained)

Scientists in New Guinea have rediscovered a long lost mammal called a monotreme which has the quills of a hedgehog, the snout of an anteater, the feet of a moll, and the ass of an angel. —Michael Che

A First Class dining menu from the Titanic is being auctioned off for over $80,000. The menu includes duck in a port wine sauce, spring lamb, and bottomless water. —Michael Che

A new survey shows that 92% of adults prefer to date someone who’s been to therapy while 8% prefer good sex. —Michael Che

On Monday, Donald Trump testified under oath in his civil fraud trial. But he was never technically sworn in because the bibles kept bursting into flames. —Michael Che

A new App has been introduced called RAP that claims it can show Instagram users who is looking at their pictures. ‘Uh-oh,’ said a bunch of high school teachers. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What emoji should Papaw use? (unicycles)

March 2023

“There is a social media scandal engulfing Tennessee’s lieutenant governor, Randy McNally, who used his blue-check verified government Instagram account to leave flirty comments on a young gay influencer’s racy photos. A spokesperson for McNally, a 79-year-old Republican politician in a state that has recently passed several laws targeting LGBTQ people, defended his online behavior: ‘Trying to imply something sinister or inappropriate about a great-grandfather’s use of social media says more about the mind of the leftwing operative making the implication than it does about Randy McNally’, said the statement. 

Does he always use the proper emoji at the proper time? Maybe not. But he enjoys interacting with constituents and Tennesseans of all religions, backgrounds and orientations on social media. The spokesperson added that McNally has ‘no intention of stopping’. Yeah, I bet he has no intention of stopping. I don’t like to stop while I’m jerking, either. I love his excuse, though. His excuse is he’s a great-grandfather. That doesn’t make it better! 

The worst part is that you know he probably called his grandson in to teach him how to use Instagram – ‘Hey Blake, grandpa wants to tell this hot young twink that he can ride my face like a unicycle. What emoji should Papaw use?’” — Marlon Wayans

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s like letting Hannibal Lecter babysit your most delicious child (So all of the former president’s love languages)

January 2023

“Meta has decided to reinstate Donald Trump to Facebook and Instagram on Thursday evening. I mean, letting Trump back on Facebook is crazy. You’re just asking for trouble. It’s like letting Hannibal Lecter babysit your most delicious child.” —Wanda Sykes

“Let’s try an experiment to test out Trump’s return to Meta’s platforms. I think for the first week, they should only allow him to post cat photos. Let’s see how it goes. And if you see a bunch of cats storming the Capitol – although adorable, shut it down.” —Wanda Sykes

“Donald Trump’s two-year ban on Meta platforms following January 6th has now expired, and Meta determined he could be reinstated because his ‘risk to public safety had sufficiently receded’. The risk has receded because he’s been gone! I don’t understand Meta’s logic. It’s like thinking, ‘you know, between knife thrusts, Jack the Ripper is a pretty chill dude.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Upon reinstatement, Trump must follow Meta’s updated community guidelines, which prohibit violence and incitement, fraud and deception, and hate speech. So all of the former president’s love languages.” —Stephen Colbert

“We are celebrating the 20th anniversary of his show, which premiered after the Super Bowl on 26 January 2003. When we started, there were no iPhones, there was no YouTube, there was no Uber, no Twitter, no wifi, no Netflix, no Google. We’ve been through two wars, a worldwide pandemic, four presidents, one insurrection, at least three different Kanyes. If you told me we were going to last longer than Blockbuster, I would’ve sooner believed I’d be working at Blockbuster in 20 years.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was also the name of my favorite R&B group in the 90s (which I heard is the definition of..something?)

November 2022

After meeting with the Anti-Defamation League, Kyrie Irving announced that from now on he will pretend to not be  antisemitic. —Michael Che

Brooklyn Nets star Kyrie Irving was suspended after he tweeted a link to the antisemitic film Hebrews to Negroes: Wake Up Black America. Coincidentally, Hebrews II Negroes was also the name of my favorite R&B group in the 90s. —Michael Che

Kanye West was suspended from Instagram again for posting a disparaging message about Jewish people. It seems like he’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, which I heard is the definition of..something? —Michael Che

New York City is now requiring employers to disclose salary ranges in all job listings. Employers must list everything ranging from the top salary all the way down to the female salary. —Michael Che

Tensions are on the rise after North Korea launched more than 20 missiles into the ocean and all because The Little Mermaid is black. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They are planning to serve him with a job application (and in parentheses, Is A Myth)

October 2021

This week Instagram was down for an entire day, forcing many Instagram addicts to fill their time with Twitter, TikTok or hosting SNL. —Michael Che

Fox News turned 25 this week and they celebrated their birthday the same way I do by paying some white women to say some nasty stuff. —Michael Che

Harry Styles revealed that his 2019 song Watermelon Sugar is about the female orgasm. He also revealed the full title of the song is Watermelon Sugar, and in parentheses, (Is A Myth). —Michael Che

In the wake of R. Kelly’s sex trafficking conviction YouTube has removed two channels linked with the singer. One for his singing and the other about how to remove stains. —Michael Che

A statue of George Floyd that was on display in a New York City park has been defaced for the second time. People are searching for the suspect and are planning to serve him with a job application. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because nothing says relaxed and stress-free like Clint Eastwood’s face (tearing down this unfair system)

October 2021

This week we found out that sometimes a guy in a hoodie actually can be dangerous. Internal documents show that Facebook knew its platform was used to spread hate and misinformation but they hid the evidence. Now the weird thing is that I went to school with Mark Zuckerberg and I was there when he created Facebook and I feel terrible. Sometimes I wish I had a time machine so I could go back to college and find Mark and say, ‘Hey man, can I be part of your company.’ —Colin Jost

Facebook is also denying a report that says using Instagram can cause users to develop a negative body image. Which explains their rivals new slogan, ‘TikTok, bring your fat ass over here.” —Colin Jost

Clint Eastwood was awarded $6 Million in a lawsuit against a company that illegally used his image to sell their cannabis products. Because nothing says relaxed and stress-free like Clint Eastwood’s face. —Colin Jost

Florida police discovered a meth lab on the fifteenth floor of a luxury condo building, which in Florida is something they list in the brochure. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They are literally putting a Band-Aid on the problem of racism (Nixon Christ Superstar)

“This is an interesting sign of the times, a small show of progress, perhaps. Johnson and Johnson announced via Instagram their plan to help heal our nation’s wounds, a line of racially inclusive Band-Aids. The Johnsons wrote: ‘We hear you. We see you. We’re listening to you.  We stand in solidarity with our Black colleagues, collaborators and community in the fight against racism, violence and injustice.’ They are literally putting a Band-Aid on the problem of racism.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“But good for Band-Aids for finally opening things up beyond the shade they’ve been using for a hundred years, a color known internally as ‘Ed Sheeran’s Neck.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Former national security adviser John Bolton’s new book is called The Room Where It Happened, a reference to the musical Hamilton, which is kinda weird – it’s like if Woodward and Bernstein called their book Nixon Christ Superstar.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Trump’s lawyers already have their hands full suing his bathroom scale, his mirror and the passage of time (lick a banister)

“No one wants eternal lockdowns. If I see another of my friends holding up a janky loaf of homemade bread on Instagram I’m going to run outside and lick a banister.” —Seth Meyers

“You think I don’t want things to open up? I used to do a show with multiple shirts and zero wasps. I worked in a building that had 50 lunch options. Now the only thing on the menu is whatever the boys don’t finish. … I used to have an audience of human beings who laughed at jokes. Now the only thing watching me are the dead black eyes of a stuffed elephant rocker.” —Seth Meyers

“After recently being given poll numbers that showed him trailing former Vice President Joe Biden, President Trump reportedly yelled at his campaign manager and threatened to sue him. Unfortunately, Trump’s lawyers already have their hands full suing his bathroom scale, his mirror and the passage of time.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You are NOT a victim, You ARE an accomplice (Probably time to try Meth)

Earlier today, the senate passed a resolution to terminate the national emergency President Trump declared in order to get funding for his border wall. It’s almost like the president’s plans have hit, I don’t know, a barrier of some kind. --James Corden

Facebook and Instagram were down for 14 hours yesterday. So I was forced to look at Twitter. Going on Twitter because Facebook and Instagram are down is a bit like running out of beer and wine and going, “Probably time to try Meth.” --James Corden

A new study has just been released where food researchers have found that one-third of all foods Americans eat gives them something called “food guilt.” Food guilt is the regret you feel when you eat food that you know isn’t good for you. Now take it from me, here is the key. Just push through it. Just push through it. --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

we’ve still got a functioning Department of Homeland Insecurity (the world’s tallest moose statue)

It has been reported that President Trump posts altered photos to Facebook and Instagram that make him look thinner. Well, it’s nice to know that even during the shutdown, we’ve still got a functioning Department of Homeland Insecurity. --Stephen Colbert

Meanwhile, Norway and Canada are fighting over who has the tallest moose statue. Yeah, they’ve been feuding ever since Norway crushed Canada in Olympic curling. It was brutal. Tens of people were bored. For 35 years, the world’s tallest moose statue has been in the world’s most Canadian-named city, Moose Jaw. Moose Jaw, of course, just north of the town of Beaver Scrotum. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

No, he was more like unpaid intern (Democrats are begging it to run in 2020)

A picture of an egg became the most liked Instagram post ever with over 30 million likes. The egg is so popular, Democrats are begging it to run in 2020. --Jimmy Fallon

That's right, the government shutdown is now the longest in U.S. history. I'm not saying things are bleak, but right now, Washington, D.C., looks like an abandoned Toys 'R' Us. --Jimmy Fallon

It's not good. TSA agents aren't getting paid, and one of them said that morale is approaching "rock bottom." You can tell TSA agents are depressed 'cause when they see mouthwash in your carry on, they drink it. --Jimmy Fallon

There's another big story that came out, that back in 2017, the FBI started investigating whether Trump was secretly working for Russia. When asked if Trump ever worked for him, Vladimir Putin said, "No, he was more like unpaid intern." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

taxpayers and President Trump/two categories (one million Instagram followers)

President Trump says his new tax plan would greatly simplify the U.S. tax code. It would divide everyone into two brackets: "taxpayers" and "President Trump." –Conan O’Brien

Khloé Kardashian is reportedly pregnant. Khloe said she doesn't care if it's a boy or a girl just as long as it has over one million Instagram followers. –Conan O’Brien

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

The top two happiest states are..

"Gallup, the polling company, released its annual well-being index where they rank the health and happiness of residents of each of the 50 states. Alaska finished first and Hawaii was No. 2. It's interesting that the top two happiest states are the ones that are farthest away from the rest of us." –Jimmy Kimmel


"President Obama is giving fourth graders and their families free admission to parks for a year. You can tell kids don't get outside enough, because the last time they saw a sunset they said, 'Hey, there's that thing I saw on Instagram.'" –Jimmy Fallon