"In the Gulf of
Mexico, 270 miles southwest of New Orleans, drillers have discovered what they
say could be the largest oil reserve ever. Once the oil is drilled, it could
boost our oil reserves by 50%. They said it would supply us with nearly 50
billion barrels of oil. In fact, the oil companies said this could cut the
price of gas by almost a penny. When President Bush heard about this, he ordered
the invasion of Louisiana." --Jay Leno
"Pakistan announced
today it will not arrest Osama bin Laden provided he promises to live a
peaceful life. Okay, as long as he promises. And you thought L.A. was a safe
place for famous murders to live?" --Jay Leno
"This week a new oil
field was discovered under the Gulf of Mexico that could boost the U.S.' oil
and gas reserves by 50%. Finally some good news for the oil companies."
--Conan O'Brien
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