The Official "I'm an entitled rich jerk" smile (are you cheating on me?)

Amber Ruffin also revealed her plan to vote on election day: “The same way all black people vote: I’m gonna call in sick, drive 50 miles to my nearest polling place, have the lady tell me my name is not on the list, insist that it is, show her my voter-registration card, shut her up, stand in line for seven hours, and then vote for someone who may or may not keep their promises to black people. That’s democracy!” —Amber Ruffin

Gwyneth Paltrow's company has made a vagina-scented candle. ‘Said a lesbian coming home to her wife *sniffs* … are you cheating on me?’ —Jenny Hagel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

it's the only form of birth control her insurance would cover (sweet chocolate buns)

The website Refinery29 recently posted a list of possible wedding gifts for lesbian brides. A lesbian bride is like a straight bride except she's experienced orgasm. --Late Night with Seth Meyers

After a seven-year absence, NBC announced they're bringing back their genealogy series "Who Do You Think You Are?" But this time they're calling it "Surprise: You're Related to Slave Owners." --Late Night with Seth Meyers

NBC ordered has a new "Law and Order" spin-off called "Law and Order: Hate Crimes." It's just body-cam footage. Just kidding. They turn the body cams off for that stuff. --Late Night with Seth Meyers

Officials in Florida yesterday pulled over a woman who was hiding a foot-long alligator in her yoga pants. To be fair, it's the only form of birth control her insurance would cover. --Late Night with Seth Meyers

An ice-cream chain in New York City has created a so-called gelato burger, which is two scoops of gelato sandwiched between sweet chocolate buns. And if you want to know what sweet chocolate buns look like, marry me. --Amber Ruffin

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Republicans took away his lesbian strip club VIP card (To learn who rules over you...)

"As you know, Arizona has passed the strictest immigration law in the country. It's scaring everybody. In fact, today, Taco Bell changed their name to Skippy's." –Jay Leno

"The governor of Florida, Charlie Crist, announced he is quitting the Republican Party to run for the Senate as an independent. And today, it became official — the Republicans took away his lesbian strip club VIP card." –Jay Leno

"On Monday, British Petroleum promised to pay all necessary cleanup costs for this oil spill. And they said they will do it, no matter how much they have to raise gas prices." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

New GOP Healthcare Symbol (the Bush tax cuts are working)

"Hillary Clinton gave an interview to the gay magazine, The Advocate. When asked about the rumor that she is a lesbian, Hillary denied it. Hillary said she is not a lesbian. A confused President Bush said today, he has no problem with anyone being a lesbian, as long as they are in this country legally." --Jay Leno

"Presidential candidate Rudolph Giuliani is also on the campaign trail. He spoke to the NRA, the National Rifle Association, last week and he tried to appeal to them by saying that two of his marriages were shotgun weddings." --Jay Leno

"The Forbes list of the 400 richest Americans is out. Everybody on the list is now a billionaire. You can't even be a millionaire and be on the list, you have to be a billionaire to be on the list. So see that, the Bush tax cuts are working." --Jay Leno

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

the first time that a bunch of old guys have given her something and lived to tell about it

"Saddam Hussein ended his hunger strike after just one missed meal. I think he finally realized a hunger strike only works if people don't want you to die." --Jay Leno

"Anna Nicole Smith won her case in front of the Supreme Court. I think this is the first time that a bunch of old guys have given her something and lived to tell about it." --Jay Leno

"In a speech yesterday, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he 'supports lessening our dependence on foreign oil.' Unfortunately, it came out sounding more like, 'I support lesbian independence for all.'" --Conan O'Brien

Freedom From Want-Wall Street Style (lesbian independence for all)

"In a speech yesterday, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announce that he 'supports lessening our dependence on foreign oil.' Unfortunately, it came out sounding more like, 'I support lesbian independence for all.'" --Conan O'Brien

"According to the military, they got al-Zarqawi while he was hiding in his safe house. As a result, it's been renamed the 'not-so-safe house.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Something happened last night, I was down in Washington, D.C., love it down there, can't get enough of that city. Anyway, I was out with my buddy, Rep. Patrick Kennedy of Rhode Island, and we were driving home, and I suggested we play a game of I Spy a Concrete Barricade. Patrick is a fierce competitor and, well, he won." --Stephen Colbert

I support lesbian independence for all (Hell, that's our number one industry)

"In a speech yesterday, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announce that he 'supports lessening our dependence on foreign oil.' Unfortunately, it came out sounding more like, 'I support lesbian independence for all.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Anybody here from New Zealand? They have a big, new attraction. It's a live sex show in New Zealand. They have actual bulls mounting a simulated cow. Good to see Ann Coulter getting some work." --David Letterman

"New York is on a heightened state of alert. They say New Yorkers should be aware of suspicious activity. I'm thinking, 'Hell, that's our number one industry.'" --David Letterman

Our goal is to be the New Jersey of Europe (support lesbian independence for all)

"Russia announced that it is willing to store nuclear waste from other countries. A spokesperson for Russia said, 'Our goal is to be the New Jersey of Europe.'" --Conan O'Brien

"In a speech yesterday, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announce that he 'supports lessening our dependence on foreign oil.' Unfortunately, it came out sounding more like, 'I support lesbian independence for all.'" --Conan O'Brien

"When it gets hot, so hot you can't stand it and the steam is rising from your scalp, do you worry about global warming? Well, George Bush is now also worried about global warming, but he has a plan. He's going to invade the sun." --David Letterman

I didn't even know Dick Cheney's daughter was over there

"For the first time in his presidency, President Bush addressed the NAACP convention. For five years he was asked to appear at the NAACP, but didn't make it. Well, that's nothing. He was asked to appear at the National Guard for six years and never made any of those." --Jay Leno

"Actually, it almost didn't happen. When President Bush overheard a couple of staff members saying he was going to give a speech at the NAACP, Bush got mad. He said, 'You can't fool me, I know what that spells.'" --Jay Leno

"There was one embarrassing moment today for President Bush when they phoned the Pentagon about evacuating Lebanese-Americans. He said, 'I didn't even know Dick Cheney's daughter was over there.'" --Jay Leno