A robot has been taught how to write rap songs by being fed more than 6,000 Kanye West lyrics. The problem is, now the robot thinks it’s God. –Conan O’Brien
In Wisconsin, a child’s trick-or-treat bag was found to contain meth. On the plus side, the kid did manage to hit 19 houses in under two minutes. –Conan O’Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Asked on the flight back from Scotland if the workers Epstein hired away from Trump were young women, the president responded: “Well, I don’t want to say, but everyone knows the people who were taken. And the concept of taking people who work for me is bad.”
He then confirmed that they were indeed young women who worked at the spa – “a great spa, one of the best spas in the world”. If this were a Law & Order episode, right about here is where Trump’s attorney would turn to Jack McCoy and say, ‘He doesn’t say any more until we have a deal.’ —Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
North Korea may soon have the technology to nuke countries other than their own because last month they tested a submarine-based missile called the "No Dong." The missile flew 300 miles before falling into the Sea of Japan. Man! The dolphins around Japan just cannot catch a break. –Stephen Colbert
I'd like to take a moment right now to reassure Kim Jong Un. Dear Leader, I want you to know that your ban on sarcasm is a great idea, it's so, SO smart. It doesn't seem desperate AT ALL. And setting off a bomb underneath your own country? Genius! By the way, that haircut — amazing! Doesn't make you look anything like a gang leader at a women's prison. –Stephen Colbert
Some disturbing news out of North Korea, they conducted a nuclear test detonating a 10-kiloton device underground. You think it's hard being a North Korean? Imagine being a North Korean prairie dog. –Stephen Colbert
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“I’m a little upset. Why don’t I have his own Ben & Jerry’s flavor? Jimmy Fallon has (The Tonight Dough) and Stephen Colbert has (Stephen Colbert’s AmeriCone Dream.) But you can’t just ban Ben & Jerry’s because you don’t like their opinions. I mean, I still eat it, even though I’m annoyed they haven’t given us our own flavor yet. It would be called ‘A Closer Lick,’ and we’ve already mocked up what the container would look like. I sent it to them, and I’ve called their offices and left dozens of messages, and all that happened was one of their interns called me and said, ‘We already have a flavor named after you — it’s called vanilla.’” —Seth Meyers
“Probably due in part to the post-apocalyptic scenes of mass animal extinctions, deadly heat waves, flooded subway stations in New York City, smoke blanketing the sky and turning the sun blood-red, and rings of fire in the Gulf of Mexico, Americans now list climate change as their second-highest priority. But if you’re worried about it, good news! Fox News host Jesse Watters has a solution: just live with it. Earlier this week, Watters instructed his viewers: ‘If you want to stop climate change, you don’t fight climate change. If it’s getting warmer, you adapt to it.’ Yeah, just adapt to it! Who needs a cab when you can Uber a dolphin? Of course, the problem with Uber dolphins is they can’t take a hint when you don’t want to talk.” —Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
A woman in Utah survived after her SUV got stuck in the snow and mud for nearly a week. The woman said she couldn’t have made it without her children. Her delicious, delicious children. --Michael Che, SNL
In a recent study, scientists created 3-D scans of dolphin vaginas and found that a dolphin’s clitorus is remarkably similar to a human woman’s. Said the night janitor at SeaWorld, “Well, I could have told you that.” --Michael Che, SNL
At the press conference President Biden was asked if he plans to run for re-election in 2024. Which is probably the nicest way to ask him if he plans on being alive in three years. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
I'd like to take a moment right now to reassure Kim Jong Un. Dear Leader, I want you to know that your ban on sarcasm is a great idea, it's so, SO smart. It doesn't seem desperate AT ALL. And setting off a bomb underneath your own country? Genius! By the way, that haircut — amazing! Doesn't make you look anything like a gang leader at a women's prison. –Stephen Colbert
According to the anonymous author [of The New York Times op-ed], many of Trump's senior officials are working diligently from within to frustrate his worst inclinations, and that's not easy because all of Trump's inclinations are tied for worst. --Stephen Colbert
North Korea may soon have the technology to nuke countries other than their own because last month they tested a submarine-based missile called the "No Dong." The missile flew 300 miles before falling into the Sea of Japan. Man! The dolphins around Japan just cannot catch a break. –Stephen Colbert
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“The Supreme Court held the last session of its term on Thursday and announced yet another controversial decision. This time, the court ruled to limit the Environmental Protection Agency’s ability to regulate carbon emissions from power plants. These court rulings have been a real roller-coaster ride, in that I am nauseous and scared we’re all going to die.” —Stephen Colbert
“Today was the final day of the Supreme Court’s current term and I gotta say, thank god. This must be how the Jets feel when halftime finally arrives: [imitating a Jets player] ‘Well, at least we get 15 minutes when they can’t kick our [expletive]!’” —Seth Meyers
“What are you thinking, Supreme Court? It’s the Environmental Protection Agency — if they can’t limit the emissions, then the agency can’t protect the environment. They’re going to have to change what the ‘P’ stands for — maybe ‘Environmental Punch-Dolphins-in-the-Taint Agency.’” —Stephen Colbert
“With these maniacs in charge, our only hope is that the smokestacks put on a condom.” —Stephen Colbert
“There was another outrageous supreme court ruling this week: the 6-3 decision in West Virginia v EPA, which limits the Environmental Protection Agency’s power to regulate emissions from fossil fuel-fired power plants. The supreme court ruled that Environmental Protection Agency does not have the authority to protect the environment…? So what is their job now? Just to look at the environment and be like ‘oh shit’?” —Trevor Noah
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
President Biden promised to nominate a black woman to the Supreme Court. But I hope it’s not because he wants to sniff a different type of hair. —Michael Che
Here’s a picture of Mitch McConnell giving the thumb’s up sign after learning that Betty White has died, warned President Biden not to outsource his choice for the Supreme Court to the radical left. Incidentally, a radical left is also what McConnell takes to purposely run over stray dogs. —Michael Che
President Biden on Friday traveled to Pittsburgh and promised to rebuild a collapsed bridge using funds from his infrastructure bill. While the republicans feel the bridge should pull itself up with its own bootstraps. —Michael Che
Items from the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s personal library are being auctioned off. They’re selling the books and the desks, but to honor Ginsburg’s legacy, they’re going to hang on to the seat for way longer than they should. —Michael Che
A new study of female bottlenose dolphins suggests the clitoris can experience pleasure during sexual stimulation. But sadly, their fins can’t reach. —Michael Che
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
“There’s a lot going on in the world right now, and it’s easy to look around at the state of things and get a slightly apocalyptic vibe. Covid cases have nearly tripled in two weeks thanks to a highly contagious new variant, billionaires are jetting off to space as US life expectancy saw its biggest drop since world war two, and thanks to intense wildfires on the west coast, smoke blanketed parts of the country as far east as New York. On a good day, breathing the air in New York City is like smoking Marlboro Reds in a railroad cattle car. You know how bad it has to be to notice the air quality in New York? That’s like noticing a ketchup stain on a red couch.” —Seth Meyers
“Probably due in part to the post-apocalyptic scenes of mass animal extinctions, deadly heatwaves, flooded subway stations in New York City, smoke blanketing the sky and turning the sun blood-red, and rings of fire in the Gulf of Mexico, Americans now list climate change as their second-highest priority. But if you’re worried about it, good news! Fox News host Jesse Watters has a solution: just live with it. Earlier this week, Watters instructed his viewers: ‘If you want to stop climate change, you don’t fight climate change. If it’s getting warmer, you adapt to it.’ Yeah, just adapt to it! Who needs a cab when you can Uber a dolphin? Of course, the problem with Uber dolphins is they can’t take a hint when you don’t want to talk.” —Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night
of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
