I can't be seen with you right now (What's a better word than crush?)

January 2023

“Last week, two sets of classified documents were returned to the National Archives by Biden’s lawyers. Over the weekend, Biden aides found five additional pages of classified material at his personal residence in Delaware. Oh my God! This just won’t end. Joe is making me do something I swore I’d never do: care about what happens in Delaware.” —Stephen Colbert

“Republican lawmakers have also used the opportunity to claim a double standard in the treatment of Trump. The head of the House oversight committee, for example, complained to CNN about discrepancies between the handling of Trump’s classified documents seized at Mar-a-Lago and Biden’s situation. Yes, there is such a discrepancy. Joe Biden’s own lawyers are the ones who found his documents, then immediately turned them in to the National Archives. The other guy hid the documents, then his lawyers lied, obstructed or, in Rudy’s case, fell asleep outside the M&M store in a kiddie pool full of Carlo Rossi.” —Stephen Colbert

“Yes, the Biden’s classified document scandal has gotten so big, today, Hunter Biden told his dad, ‘I can't be seen with you right now.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Hey, guys, I heard that LG is recalling their 86-inch smart TVs because they can tip over and trap people. Trap? You know the LG people went on thesaurus.com like, ‘What's a better word than crush?’ Trap.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This sounds like Bill Clinton's worst nightmare, doesn't it? (If life was fair)

"The first Olympic Games were held in 776 BC. Do you know who lit the flame? Betty White." –Jay Leno

"How about the (Super Bowl) commercials? There's some good ones. How about the one, mytalkingstain.com? A stain that can talk. This sounds like Bill Clinton's worst nightmare, doesn't it?" --Jay Leno

“Whiny Tony Hayward -- you know the cry-baby BP CEO guy -- he says life’s not fair and that sometimes you step off a curb and you get hit by a bus. You know, if life was fair, that bus would have been driven by an unemployed Louisiana shrimp boat operator.” -Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sweet, I love magic! (sniff a different type of hair)

January 2022

President Biden promised to nominate a black woman to the Supreme Court. But I hope it’s not because he wants to sniff a different type of hair. —Michael Che

Here’s a picture of Mitch McConnell giving the thumb’s up sign after learning that Betty White has died, warned President Biden not to outsource his choice for the Supreme Court to the radical left. Incidentally, a radical left is also what McConnell takes to purposely run over stray dogs. —Michael Che

President Biden on Friday traveled to Pittsburgh and promised to rebuild a collapsed bridge using funds from his infrastructure bill. While the republicans feel the bridge should pull itself up with its own bootstraps. —Michael Che

Items from the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s personal library are being auctioned off. They’re selling the books and the desks, but to honor Ginsburg’s legacy, they’re going to hang on to the seat for way longer than they should. —Michael Che

A new study of female bottlenose dolphins suggests the clitoris can experience pleasure during sexual stimulation. But sadly, their fins can’t reach. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It will be a formal, sit-down dinner for 200 in her shoe closet (I'm glad those dark days are over)

June 2012

"Betty White visited President Obama at the White House. The first time Betty was at the White House she was stayed in the Lincoln Bedroom – with Lincoln." –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama is going to a fundraiser at Sarah Jessica Parker's house. It will be a formal, sit-down dinner for 200 in her shoe closet." –Conan O'Brien

"Tonight was the premiere of a new version of the TV show 'Dallas' with Larry Hagman. The original "Dallas" series started in 1978. Back then, America was very different. We had an ineffective, one-term president. Gas prices were through the roof. We were in a stand-off with Iran. I'm glad those dark days are over." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It seemed like a feminist breakthrough until you realize she doesn't want to go (under construction)

June 2012

"Mitt Romney visited a restaurant in Iowa, and had trouble thinking of the word for donut. Newt Gingrich merely responded, 'That never would have happened if I were the nominee.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"The White House softball team played the pro-marijuana lobbyists' team and lost 25-3. Still no word yet on which side President Obama played for." –Jay Leno

"TV icon Betty White visited President Obama in the Oval Office this week. The last time Betty visited the White House, it was still under construction." –Jay Leno

"Have you seen this video that's gone viral of Mitt Romney having trouble trying to recognize a chocolate donut? It's all over the web. At first he said, 'Is that Beluga caviar on a bagel? What is that?' That's why he needs Chris Christie as his vice president. If anyone can identify a donut, it's Chris Christie." –Jay Leno

"China is now preparing to send their first woman into outer space. Which at first seems like a feminist breakthrough until you realize she doesn't want to go." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

the president's still having a tough time house-training Joe Biden (because he's never been on a bus)

June 2012

"Somebody has been leaking classified information. John McCain is outraged. He wants to get to the bottom of who is leaking the classified information and also he wants to find out who keeps messing with his thermostat." –David Letterman

"Mitt Romney is going on a six-state bus tour. Mitt is very excited because he's never been on a bus." –David Letterman

"Betty White met with President Obama at the White House. President Obama invited Betty personally because she's great with animals. And the president's still having a tough time house-training Joe Biden." –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A poet that belongs with the Masters. A magisterial collection. A combination of 

Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

By the way, schnitzel is the name of his Austrian lovechild (Egypt's new leader, President Betty White)

June 2011

"Arnold Schwarzenegger is laying low in Europe. He was in his homeland of Austria, and he said he misses schnitzel. By the way, schnitzel is the name of his Austrian lovechild." –Conan O'Brien

"John McCain says he is puzzled by the backlash to his comment that illegal immigrants are the cause of Arizona's wildfires. He said, 'Of course, I'm also puzzled by the defrost option on my microwave.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The Egyptian military is asking people who they want to be the next president by using a Facebook poll. So congratulations to Egypt's new leader, President Betty White." –Conan O'Brien

"You all know Bristol Palin has a book. She reveals that she lost her virginity on a camping trip. Bristol said she named her son 'Tripp' because 'camping' seemed like a dumb name." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”