Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that... (outliving the warranty)

"Some New Jersey Democrats have started an investigation to get Chris Christie out of the governor's mansion. And by governor's mansion they mean the White Castle at exit 8." –Conan O'Brien

The movie "Fifty Shades of Grey" has gotten a Razzie nomination for Worst Film of the Year. Upon hearing this, the film's director said, "Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that...” –Conan O’Brien

A Chinese investment firm has bought the company behind the Batman movies. Which explains why in the next Batman movie, a young Bruce Wayne sees his parents killed, then goes back to making iPhones at the factory. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

there is one White Castle skill that a robot will never master (Even more upsetting, it was during the Kiss Cam)

Michigan State apologized after an image of Adolf Hitler appeared on a stadium video board at a football game. Even more upsetting, it was during the Kiss Cam. —Colin Jost

Southwest Airlines has introduced a new feature on its App that lets passengers track their bags. Southwest, why don’t YOU tell us where your bag is. —Colin Jost

The world’s oldest dog ever has died at the age of 31. And some experts believe it could have lived even longer if I had looked before backing out of the driveway. —Colin Jost

White Castle has begun replacing its fry cooks with robots. But there is one White Castle skill that a robot will never master. Jumping over a counter to choke a customer. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm not sure what Cruz's speech was arguing for, but I'm guessing legalizing weed (30 Kramers)

"John Boehner. I feel sorry for you buddy. It's exhausting watching you try to maintain your dignity wrangling those Tea Party maniacs. You're like 'Seinfeld' if there were 30 Kramers." -Seth Meyers

"A new Fox News poll shows that disapproval of the Republican Party during the shutdown has jumped to 59 percent. And that's a Fox News poll. Talk about getting booed on your home field. By the way, if Fox News says it's 59 percent, that's like the real news saying it's 3,000 percent." -Seth Meyers

"Texas Sen. Ted Cruz gave a 21-hour speech on the floor of the Senate during which he read Dr. Seuss' 'Green Eggs and Ham,' did an impression of Darth Vader, and admitted his love for White Castle. I'm not sure what Cruz's speech was arguing for, but I'm guessing legalizing weed." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Have you seen California? That’s not the threat it once was, China (Also a perfect slogan for White Castle)

August 2022

“Nancy Pelosi’s controversial trip to Taiwan has drawn intense ire from the Chinese government. Chinese officials warned the House speaker, unsubtly, that ‘those who play with fire will perish by it.’ Have you seen California? That’s not the threat it once was, China.” —Stephen Colbert

“China warned its military ‘won’t sit by idly’ if Pelosi visited Taiwan, and warned ‘no matter for what reason Pelosi goes to Taiwan, it will be a stupid, dangerous and unnecessary gamble.’ That’s ominous. Also a perfect slogan for White Castle.” —Stephen Colbert

“Furthermore, the Chinese military conducted live-fire drills in the South China Sea and scrambled jets as Pelosi’s plane landed in Taiwan. All of this for an 82-year-old woman with bones made of peanut brittle. Tensions are so bad the defense department has upgraded its readiness to Defcon Mee-maw.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Keep in mind, I am a proctologist (Mmmm, peach)

President Trump had a physical today. After Trump’s exam, his doctor

said he found “no cognitive or mental issues whatsoever.” But the doctor

did say, “Keep in mind, I am a proctologist.” --Conan O’Brien

"New Jersey’s Chris Christie is still digging himself out of this scandal,

Bridgegate. In fact, some experts are now saying he could be impeached.

When he heard that Christie said, 'Mmmm, peach." –Jimmy Fallon

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie continues to push his agenda.

Today he proposed a longer school day for children in his state.

In fairness, kids in New Jersey probably need a longer day since

their buses spend three hours stuck on a bridge." –Jimmy Fallon

"Some New Jersey Democrats have started an investigation to get

Chris Christie out of the governor's mansion. And by governor's mansion

they mean the White Castle at exit 8." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

And by governor's mansion they mean the White Castle at exit 8 (side effects)

January 2014

"People investigating the Chris Christie bridge scandal say the governor could be removed from office. Critics say moving Christie from office would involve a three-ton construction crane." –Conan O'Brien

"Some New Jersey Democrats have started an investigation to get Chris Christie out of the governor's mansion. And by governor's mansion they mean the White Castle at exit 8." –Conan O'Brien

"People are saying Governor Chris Christie is not fit for office. So they'll have to widen the door again." –David Letterman

"Governor Christie was asked, 'Do you think this will hurt your chances of being president of the United States. And he said, 'Hey, we'll close that bridge when we come to it.'" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's almost as if it works or something (steamy man-action)

March 2013

"There's a growing trend of older Americans who are using marijuana in their retirement. That makes sense because old people are always talking about their joints." –Jimmy Fallon

"I guess the marijuana trend explains why White Castle is now offering an early bird special." –Jimmy Fallon

"Pope Frank has wasted no time in reforming the church's image. For instance, our pope now no longer looks like he's out to crush the Rebel Alliance." –Stephen Colbert

"Thanks to Televangelists Pat Robertson and John Hagee, we know that bad weather is always God's punishment for man's moral failings. Hurricanes form from rising moisture created from hot, steamy man-action aboard a gay Caribbean cruise." –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Nice try, your honor, but I don’t even work at White Castle anymore (And we’re off!)

February 2021

“The disgraced former president’s team argued that he cannot be convicted by the Senate, because he is no longer in office. So, OK, once you leave a job, you’re immune from prosecution? ‘Cannibalism? Nice try, your honor, but I don’t even work at White Castle anymore.’” —Stephen Colbert

“On the very first page of Trump’s first legal filing, they wrote, ‘to the honorable members of the Unites States Senate.’ They misspelled ‘United States.’ And we’re off!” —Jimmy Kimmel

“There was actually a typo on the first page of the Trump brief, but I’m sure it was a long, complicated legal term. Nope, it’s just — just the name of our country, that’s it.” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How much is that doggie in the window?

Senator Lindsey Graham said this week that Donald Trump is the “most unelectable” Republican he has seen in his lifetime. Then he walked by a mirror and said “whoops, never mind.” –Seth Meyers

According to a new report, by 2050, the world’s oceans will contain more plastic trash than fish. So the next time you get dumped, remember: There’s plenty of trash in the sea. –Seth Meyers

A Florida man has been arrested for stealing a $1,500 dog from a pet store and trading it for crack. On the plus side, we finally have an answer to the question: How much is that doggie in the window? –Seth Meyers

Fast-food chain White Castle announced this week that they will be offering dinner reservations for Valentine’s Day. It’s the perfect way to tell the person you love that you don’t. –Seth Meyers

So they'll have to widen the door again (The White Castle at exit 8)

"People investigating the Chris Christie bridge scandal say the governor could be removed from office. Critics say moving Christie from office would involve a three-ton construction crane." –Conan O'Brien

"Some New Jersey Democrats have started an investigation to get Chris Christie out of the governor's mansion. And by governor's mansion they mean the White Castle at exit 8." –Conan O'Brien

"People are saying Governor Chris Christie is not fit for office. So they'll have to widen the door again." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

If you can't beat them..

"Texas Sen. Ted Cruz gave a 21-hour speech on the floor of the Senate during which he read Dr. Seuss' 'Green Eggs and Ham,' did an impression of Darth Vader, and admitted his love for White Castle. I'm not sure what Cruz's speech was arguing for, but I'm guessing legalizing weed." –Seth Meyers



"Republicans in Congress this week attempted to defund Obamacare before it begins open enrollment October 1. Because you know the old saying, 'If you can't beat them, kick the ball into the woods.'" –Seth Meyers