This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps (he's been made an honorary member of the U.S. snowboarding team)

The U.S. Army has officially lifted its ban on soldiers having dreadlocks. This is good news for the Army’s elite Hacky Sack Corps. –Conan O’Brien

"Bob Costas had to take a break from hosting the Olympics coverage due to an eye infection. In fact, his eyes are so bloodshot, he's been made an honorary member of the U.S. snowboarding team." –Conan O'Brien

Scott Baio said he is furious with Nordstrom for dropping Ivanka Trump’s clothing line. But mostly, Baio’s mad at Nordstrom for cutting his hours working in the stockroom. –Conan O’Brien

Amy Klobachar calls herself Trump’s worst nightmare. Actually Trump’s worst nightmare is a Mexican guy forcing him to eat a salad. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, one way or the other, Chris Christie will be giving a victory speech (a lot of people are wondering what the return policy is for presidents)

It seems like every day Trump’s upset about something else. And I guess now — this is real — he is complaining that the hand towels on Air Force One are not soft enough. Then the flight attendant said, “Sir, that’s my skirt.” –Jimmy Fallon

This morning President Trump actually went on Twitter to criticize Nordstrom for dropping his daughter Ivanka’s line and treating her unfairly. While Trump’s tweeting about a department store, a lot of people are wondering what the return policy is for presidents. –Jimmy Fallon

Shaquille O’Neal says that he’s trying to eat healthier. He’s cut soda, bread, sandwiches, and fast food out of his diet. When asked what he’s eating instead he said, “Mostly trees.” –Jimmy Fallon

Not only was today the New Hampshire primary, it was also National Pizza Day. So, one way or the other, Chris Christie will be giving a victory speech. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the worst play was still that one by J.R. Smith (to cover up the smell when you get stoned on vanilla)

The Broadway show "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child" won best play at last night's Tony Awards — while the worst play was still that one by J.R. Smith. --Seth Meyers

Nordstrom is launching a new home and wellness collection that features a marijuana-scented candle. You can use it to cover up the smell when you get stoned on vanilla. --Seth Meyers

Facebook has announced a new page called "Memories" that will show users photos from the past. It's better than the original title for the page, "When You Were Thinner." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

"This is the worst day of my life," said Melania 12 years ago (pLopLop #7)

President Trump has gone back on his claims that he had no involvement in any payments to Stormy Daniels and now says he repaid his lawyer for the $130,000 used in their hush agreement. "This is the worst day of my life," said Melania 12 years ago. --Seth Meyers

During his interview last night, Rudy Giuliani said if special counsel Robert Mueller's team goes after Ivanka Trump, the whole country will turn on Mueller. “Yeah, can we just drop the Ivanka stuff?” said Nordstrom. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Dick Cheney is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington in the face

"The Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78- year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Wittington's face." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"According to a Finnish medical study, if you have a bad or incompetent boss, it increases your risk of a heart attack by 30%. More bad news for Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno

Ivanka Trump is getting an office at the White House and she’s getting top-level security clearance. She will take a position in the White House where she’ll draw upon her 20 years of foreign and domestic policy experience that she gained selling sandals to Nordstrom. –Jimmy Kimmel

Her role is that she will serve as her father’s “eyes and ears” at the White House. He doesn’t need that. He needs somebody to be his thumbs so he can stop tweeting. –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: people are wondering what the return policy is for presidents

A huge snowstorm is headed toward New York. Actually, the snowstorm is hitting the entire Northeast. In fact, Boston public schools have already announced that they’ll be closed tomorrow. Kids in Boston are like, “Are you kidding? We haven’t been in school since the Patriots won the Super Bowl!” –Jimmy Fallon

This morning President Trump actually went on Twitter to criticize Nordstrom for dropping his daughter Ivanka’s line and treating her unfairly. While Trump’s tweeting about a department store, a lot of people are wondering what the return policy is for presidents. –Jimmy Fallon

It seems like every day Trump’s upset about something else. And I guess now — this is real — he is complaining that the hand towels on Air Force One are not soft enough. Then the flight attendant said, “Sir, that’s my skirt.” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html