and that's just from Charlie Sheen (gut feelings)

"This week, former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani said he is opposed to medical marijuana. However, Giuliani did said he is a huge supporter of medical Rogaine." --Conan O'Brien

"This is odd, a politician in California wants to put an eight percent tax on all porn movies and X-rated entertainment. The politician says it could raise $100 million a year, and that's just from Charlie Sheen." --Conan O'Brien

"Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff said this week he has a gut feeling we may get attacked by al Qaeda this summer. He also said he has a bad feeling about the new Catherine Zeta Jones movie 'No Reservations.'" --Jimmy Kimmel

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

If things don't improve, people are going to think the war isn't going well (more pie)

"The senator from Louisiana, David Vitter, he's admitted now he dates hookers in Washington, D.C, and also in Louisiana. But, he said, in his defense, he always selected the girl with the lowest bid. So he's fiscally prudent." --David Letterman

"President Bush was talking about Iraq today and he said that the United States and Iraq has met eight out of 18 of the benchmarks required in Iraq. If things don't improve, people are going to think the war isn't going well." --David Letterman

"And how about Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff? He says he had a gut feeling there could be a new terror attack. Said he had a 'gut' feeling. Coincidentally, Al Gore said he had a gut feeling he needed more pie." --David Letterman

     

A magisterial collection. An emotional rollercoaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984. http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Show us your boobs! (bringing democracy to Louisiana, Mississippi and Florida)

"Mardi Gras starts tomorrow in New Orleans. Talk about perfect timing. Those truckloads of ice from FEMA just showed up." --Bill Maher

"This Mardi Gras will be a little different. This year when drunks yell up at the balcony, ' 'Show us your boobs!' Michael Brown and Michael Chertoff walk out." --Bill Maher

"Those two guys were up before the congressional Committee this week, which issued the report on Katrina, which lambasted the White House for wasting billions of dollars that was stolen, lost, we don't know where it is. Bush said history will call that a small price to pay if we wind up bringing democracy to Louisiana and it spreads to Mississippi and Florida." --Bill Maher

in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning (VP short list)

On the formula for allocating Homeland Security anti-terror grants: "It's believed to be the total population of your city divided by square mileage times Baptists over synagogues divided by the square root of the number of Waffle Houses over swimming holes. All that times the ratio of guns to Spanish language radio stations times zero. Plus, whether or not where you live voted for Bush. To most Americans, New York isn't even in America. It's more like part of 'Gayjewistan.' If you want to truly preserve the iconic American community, you have to throw money at a certain small town -- a place where everyone knows their neighbor, where you can leave your doors unlocked without fear, where hard work and traditional values are all that stands between you and a better life. It doesn't exist, but it just got $500 million from Michael Chertoff." --Daily Show correspondent Rob Corddry

"Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning." --Jay Leno