"Hey, you guys, it's Friday the 13th. A lot of people are superstitious about the number 13. President Franklin Roosevelt refused to travel on the 13th of every month, would never host 13 guests at a dinner party, either. And President Bush wasn't allowed to see any movie rated PG-13." –Jimmy Fallon
I saw that one hundred years ago this month, Albert Einstein presented his theory of General Relativity, which explains how gravity works. And it also marks the last time someone actually meant it when they said, “Way to go, Einstein.” –Jimmy Fallon
In Saudi Arabia, a 14-year-old boy was detained for dancing to the Macarena. You know, I don’t say this often but I’m going to side with the Saudi government on this one. –Conan O’Brien
"President Obama's in the news, of course. He's put healthcare back in the news. Yup. President Obama says he wants to create a national health care plan that's both affordable and easy to use. Yup. Yeah, good. Yeah, and the insurance industry says they'll fight the plan with congressmen who are both affordable and easy to use." --Conan O'Brien (June 2009)
At yesterday’s Trump rally, the crowd was chanting "CNN Sucks!" And man, you do not want to hear what they had to say about the Science Channel. –Conan O’Brien
“There has been an escalation of threats from Vladimir Putin after a series of setbacks in his invasion of Ukraine. Putin vowed that Russia will use ‘all means at its disposal’ to continue the occupation of Ukraine, adding: ‘I am not bluffing.’ OK, the problem with Putin is, even if he was bluffing, it would be impossible to tell. The guy is a former KGB agent and he is addicted to Botox. His expression never changes. It doesn’t matter if he’s losing a war or riding a rollercoaster.” —Seth Meyers
“In a rally over the weekend, Donald Trump referenced Putin’s heated rhetoric, referring to ‘nuclear’ as ‘the N-word’. Now, I have to imagine there was some percentage of that crowd, however large or small, that heard that sentence and thought to themselves, ‘Oh my God, it’s finally happening.’” —Seth Meyers
“There is a significant space event: a NASA spacecraft deliberately hit an asteroid head-on at 15,000mph to see whether space rocks can be deflected away from earth. Now, before you start having panic sex with strangers on the sidewalk, I hope it’s not because of this asteroid. It wasn’t the big civilization ender that Ben Affleck will have to save us from. It wasn’t even headed to earth.” —Stephen Colbert
The mission – the Double Asteroid Redirection Test, or Dart – was to test if NASA could push a potentially dangerous asteroid off a collision course with Earth. Not to be confused with the mission to stop a real asteroid that’s going to destroy the planet, the ‘Spatial Hybrid Astronaut Redirection Technique’, or Shart.” —Stephen Colbert
"According to a series of just published letters that Albert Einstein sent to his second wife, he had ten mistresses. He would send his wife letters about his mistresses and then ask her for advice. Or as Bill Clinton called him, 'a trailblazer, a pioneer.'" --Jay Leno
"Do you even understand this Bush economic plan? Do you understand how it works? See, here's how it works. When you screw up, you pay. When they screw up, you pay! Yeah, it’s actually very simple." --Jay Leno
"You know? I mean, I understand if you're living in a dumpster, rooting through trash cans, you need a couple bucks, okay. But if you have $1 trillion like AIG, don't hit me up for a loan. Think about it. Has anybody ever had $1 trillion and still failed? Okay, besides the New York Yankees." --Jay Leno
"And according to the Associated Press, this article was in the paper today. Sarah Palin's church in Alaska is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer. They call it 'Pray away the gay.' I'm not making it up. That's the name of it. That's the name of the sermon, 'pray away the gay.' Hey, it's a lot better than the original title, 'think outside the box.'" --Jay Leno
“Now due, apparently, to pandemic shutdowns, it has been a year since there has been a large-scale shooting in a public place. Now we’ve had two in the last week: Boulder and Atlanta. Evidently, the only solution for America’s gun violence is putting all of us under house arrest.” —Stephen Colbert
“The responses from gun apologists, of course, have been predictable. The Colorado State Shooting Association released this statement: ‘There will be a time for the debate on gun laws. There will be a time for a conversation on how this could have been prevented. But today is not the time.’ Why not? That’s what they say every time this happens, and that’s what I say about what they say every time they say it every time it happens. Even the idea of it being in a ‘groundhog’ situation is itself a ‘groundhog’ situation. Remember, Einstein said, ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Also, same-day gun purchases — whose stupid idea was that? Thanks, Einstein.” —Stephen Colbert
“Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, who during a congressional hearing attempted to steer the subject from gun control to young people who drink and drive. OK, I’ll take that deal. Let’s regulate guns the way we regulate alcohol and cars. You got to be 21, you got to pass a test to get a license, you got to have a registration and insurance for your gun. If you move to a new state, you got to do the whole damn thing all over again. And you can’t go out loaded.” —Stephen Colbert
“Again? Come on, Q-bees. Remember what Einstein said: ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. Also, QAnon. Those people are [expletive] crazy.’” —Stephen Colbert
“Now, were these plans ever real? Who knows. But out of an abundance of caution, the House canceled today’s legislative session. It’s kind of like a domestic terrorism snow day in that they’re both dangerous and white.” —Stephen Colbert
“The much-snapped QAnon shaman Jacob Chansley who stormed the Capitol, or as I call him the “man on the endangered dumbass list”, did an interview this week, claiming his disappointment that Trump didn’t pardon him for his crimes. If it makes you feel any better, the only reason he didn’t pardon you is that he doesn’t care about you at all. A lot of people have made that mistake but they got alimony.” —Stephen Colbert
“Oh my God, he can name five objects in his field of vision. How does he do it? Send this man his Macarthur genius grant. Get MENSA on the phone — they’re going to want to see this. It’s like if the minds of Einstein, Hawking, Kasparov and Jobs were all rolled into one and then stuffed inside the body of an alcoholic walrus.” —Seth Meyers
“Seriously, dude, it’s not a test to see how smart you are — it’s a test to see if you’re OK. When the referee asks a boxer what city he’s in, it’s not a geography test.” —Seth Meyers
“This is a test they give grandpas to see if they can keep living in their house because God forbid you miss a payment on your reverse mortgage.” —Seth Meyers
“As for the pandemic, Trump said in his ‘somber’ briefing on Tuesday that the administration was ‘in the process of developing a strategy that’s going to be very, very powerful’. You’re developing a strategy now? What’s the rush, my man, it’s only been six months? What have you been doing this whole time, studying up for that cognitive test?” —Seth Meyers
“Melania Trump helped her parents chain-migrate to the U.S., so that’s what Donald Trump was trying to stop. He was trying to turn his in-laws into outlaws, yeah — which is super hard-core.” --Trevor Noah
“Now you might be asking, why would Trump want to deport his wife? I don’t know, but things haven’t exactly been perfect between them. First of all, it’s no secret that Melania barely spends any time at the White House. Secondly, when he tried to hold her hand in public, she tried to slap it away like a Slovenian Dikembe Mutombo.” --Trevor Noah
“Yeah, that’s right — Melania got a green card through the Einstein Visa program, which seems strange. Although I guess if you spend enough time standing next to Donald, anyone starts to look like Einstein.” --Trevor Noah
“They came out saying that immigrants who receive assistance from the government may not be allowed to stay in the United States. Well, guess who lives in a free house provided by the United States?” --Trevor Noah
"She said at her church, Governor Palin, said she asked everyone to pray for a natural gas pipeline, which she said was God’s will. And today, God said, "Hey lady, I don't deal with oil companies. That's more Satan's area.'" --Jay Leno
"According to a series of just published letters that Albert Einstein sent to his second wife, he had ten mistresses. He would send his wife letters about his mistresses and then ask her for advice. Or as Bill Clinton called him, 'a trailblazer, a pioneer.'" --Jay Leno
"A Tomahawk cruise missile fell off a truck in the Bronx this week. A cruise missile, isn't that unbelievable? You know what that means? There are now more weapons of mass destruction in the Bronx than there are in Iraq." --Jay Leno
"Yeah, but Cheney was busy packing earlier today. He bubble wrapped his water board." --David Letterman
"But Cheney was kind of fun about it. He said that, you know, he only has a couple of days left as the vice president, but he's planning to squeeze in one final heart attack." --David Letterman
"Hey, here's great news. Remember Sarah Palin, John McCain's running mate, governor of Alaska? Well, she has a new grandson. New baby grandson, that's right. And the new baby boy's name is Tripp. Apparently 'Oops' was taken." --David Letterman
"But the governor was very excited. She brought the grandson over to her house and held it up to the window so the Russians could get a look at it." --David Letterman
"But it was quite an event. The baby was delivered by Joe the obstetrician." --David Letterman
Pope Francis is calling for an audit of all the Catholic Church’s wealth. In a related story, Pope Francis is missing. –Conan O’Brien
"You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down with Cheney, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.'" –Craig Ferguson
"According to a series of just published letters that Albert Einstein sent to his second wife, he had ten mistresses. He would send his wife letters about his mistresses and then ask her for advice. Or as Bill Clinton called him, 'a trailblazer, a pioneer.'" --Jay Leno
"And Barack Obama told Tom Brokaw the other day on 'Meet the Press' that what he's looking for in a VP is a person who will tell him when they thought he was wrong, to which President Bush said, 'Trust me, that gets old really fast.'" --Jay Leno
I have been working on a
paper for the Education Market.
The paper talks about using
video games as a teaching tool for
children with learning
disabilities.
The age demographic would be
8 to 18. Games could be up to the teacher or student to chose. Games might
include soccer, football, basketball, etc.
Students could learn about
various historical or fictional characters and create them as players for their
team. It would allow the student to study history, philosophy, religion,
sports, popular culture, etc. and then create the characters to be a part of
their team. The students would even be able to play along side their created
characters.
In this example I used PS4
Madden 17. On some of the teams historical figures like Martin Luther King, and
Abraham Lincoln will play on the same team with authors like Ernest Hemingway
and William Shakespeare, or Elvis Presley and Tupac Shakur.
The process is meant to be a
simple and fun way for kids to learn
subjects such as world
history, literature, poetry, art, music, science and vocabulary.
Maybe PS4/XBOX machines might
be donated or discounted to schools for these classes. More on the paper as it
is fleshed out. Enjoy the simulations.
On the Indianapolis Colts
Former Colt players, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Dwight
Freeney, Robert Mathis, Bob Sanders
Offensive Line
LT Paul McCartney,
musician The Beatles
LT Nelson Mandela,
South African leader
LG Jesus, some folks
Lord and Savior
LG Ringo Starr,
musician The Beatles
C Charles Bukowski,
poet
C Muddy Waters,
musician
RG God
RG Winston Churchill,
English Prime Minister
RT John Lennon,
musician The Beatles
RT George Harrison,
musician The Beatles
TE/DT Clay Brannon, boy
wonder
WR/DE Jeremiah Brewster,
wonder boy
DT Army, Jack Renforth
(RIP), TE Paul Bantley (RIP)
HB/LB G. Hulse, Army, HB J.
Purkey, Navy, T.F., Marines
More Colts players include
Martin Luther King, Stephen Hawking, Albert Einstein, as well as characters
from Star Trek…
Jeanluc Picard, Cmndr Worf,
Cmdr Data, James Kirk,
Mr Spock, Jonathan Archer,
Cmdr Tuvok, Geordi LaForge
Ben Sisko
Performers and popular
culture, Jack Bauer, 24, played by Keifer Sutherland, Nate Fisher, Six Feet
Under, played by Peter Krause.
Also for sentimental reasons,
some fallen friends and family are on this team. Semper Fi. May you rest in
peace.
Jacksonville Jaguars Fantasy
Team
Offense
QB Fox Muldar, X Files,
played by David Duchovny
QB Colin Kaepernick,
NFL, civil rights activist
HB Sugar Ray Robinson,
boxer
HB Thelonious Monk,
musician
HB Edgerrin James, NFL
HB Tyrion Lannister,
Game of Thrones, played by Peter Dinklage
FB Carson Beckett,
Stargate Atlantis, played by Paul McGillion
WR Alan Shepard,
astronaut
WR Stephen Colbert,
comedian
WR Jimmy Dore, comedian
WR Glenn Greenwald,
journalist
WR Eric Carter, 24,
played by Corey Hawkins
WR Big Bill Broonzy,
musician
WR Simon Stiles, Studio
60, played by D.L. Hughley
WR Chandler Bing,
Friends, played by Matthew Perry
TE Bernie Sanders,
Independent senator, Vermont
TE Ronan Dex, Stargate
Atlantis, played by Jason Momoa
TE Trip Tucker, Star
Trek, played by Connor Trinneer
LT Luke Joeckel, NFL
LT Richard Brautigan,
poet
LG Bob Marley, musician
LG Stagger Lee,
fictional character in song from 1923
C Tyler Durden, Fight
Club, played by Brad Pitt
C Charles Bukowski,
poet
RG Malcolm X, civil
rights activist
RG Jack Kerouac, author
RT Youngblood Priest,
Super Fly, played by Ron O’Neal
RT Frederick Douglass,
American social reformer
Defense
LE Jimmy Dore, comedian
LE Jaime Lannister,
Game of Thrones, played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau
LE T’Challa, Black
Panther, played by Chadwick Boseman
LE Shaka Zulu, African
monarch
RE Bernie Sanders,
Independent senator, Vermont
RE Luke Skywalker, Star
Wars, played by Mark Hamill
RE Martin Luther King,
civil rights activist
RE Geordi LaForge, Star
Trek, played by LeVar Burton
RE John Shaft, Shaft, played
by Samuel L. Jackson
DT Angus MacGyver,
MacGyver, played by Richard Dean Anderson
DT Muhammad Ali, boxer
DT BA Baracus, The A
Team, played by Mr. T
DT Miles Davis,
musician
DT Edward Snowden,
whistleblower
LB Julian Assange,
Wikileaks
LB Thomas Frank, author
LB Dexter Morgan,
Dexter, played by Michael C. Hall
LB Danny Tripp, West
Wing, played by Bradley Whitford
LB Homer Smith, Lilies
of the Field, played by Sidney Poitier
LB Cmndr Tuvok, Star
Trek, played by Tim Russ
LB Captain Flint, Black
Sails, played by Toby Stephens
LB Cenk Uygur,
political activist, The Young Turks
LB Luis Bunuel,
director
LB Muddy Waters,
musician
LB Noam Chomsky,
philosopher
LB Tom Mason, Falling
Skies, played by Noah Wyle
LB Rodney McKay,
Stargate Atlantis, played by David Hewlett
LB John Iadarola,
political activist, The Young Turks
LB Myles Jack, NFL
CB Gabriel Prosser,
slave revolt leader
CB Lando Calrissian,
Star Wars, played by Billy Dee Williams
CB Rod Serling, The
Twilight Zone creator
CB Max Ernst, artist
CB Marcel Duchamp,
artist
CB Jalen Ramsey, NFL
FS Chuck Berry,
musician
FS Jean Cocteau, artist
FS Travis Mayweather,
Star Trek, played by Anthony Montgomery
FS Nucky Thompson,
Boardwalk Empire, played by Steve Buscemi
SS Jesus Christ, some
folks Lord and Savior
SS Salvador Dali,
artist
SS Bo Diddley, musician
Special Teams
K Aldo Raine,
Inglorious Basterds, played by Brad Pitt
P Hugo
Stiglitz, Inglorious Basterds, played by Til Schweiger
Hillary Clinton cited an old Mexican proverb in her speech in Nevada today to highlight the unchanging nature of Donald Trump. A Mexican proverb, or as Trump calls it, "A spell!" –Seth Meyers
Hillary Clinton had a phone interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper last night — and she HAD to do it by phone, because nobody could possibly lie to that face. –Seth Meyers
"According to a series of just published letters that Albert Einstein sent to his second wife, he had ten mistresses. He would send his wife letters about his mistresses and then ask her for advice. Or as Bill Clinton called him, 'a trailblazer, a pioneer.'" --Jay Leno
"President Bush on Tuesday reluctantly released portions of the classified report that stated the war in Iraq is adding to the terrorist threat throughout the world. Though suspiciously in some portions of the report, someone had crossed out Iraq and written in, 'Gay dudes'." --Amy Poehler of Saturday Night Live
I have been working on a
paper for the Education Market.
The paper talks about using
video games as a teaching tool for
children with learning
disabilities.
The age demographic would be
8 to 18. Games could be up to the teacher or student to chose. Games might
include soccer, football, basketball, etc.
Students could learn about
various historical or fictional characters and create them as players for their
team. It would allow the student to study history, philosophy, religion,
sports, popular culture, etc. and then create the characters to be a part of
their team. The students would even be able to play along side their created
characters.
In this example I used PS4
Madden 17. On some of the teams historical figures like Martin Luther King, and
Abraham Lincoln will play on the same team with authors like Ernest Hemingway
and William Shakespeare, or Elvis Presley and Tupac Shakur.
The process is meant to be a
simple and fun way for kids to learn
subjects such as world
history, literature, poetry, art, music, science and vocabulary.
Maybe PS4/XBOX machines might
be donated or discounted to schools for these classes.
More on the paper as it is
fleshed out. Enjoy the simulations.
On the Indianapolis Colts
Former Colt players, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, Dwight
Freeney, Robert Mathis, Bob Sanders
Offensive Line
LT Paul McCartney,
musician The Beatles
LT Nelson Mandela,
South African leader
LG Jesus, some folks
Lord and Savior
LG Ringo Starr,
musician The Beatles
C Charles Bukowski,
poet
C Muddy Waters,
musician
RG God
RG Winston Churchill,
English Prime Minister
RT John Lennon,
musician The Beatles
RT George Harrison,
musician The Beatles
TE/DT Clay Brannon, boy
wonder
WR/DE Jeremiah Brewster,
wonder boy
DT Army, Jack Renforth
(RIP), TE Paul Bantley (RIP)
HB/LB G. Hulse, Army, HB J.
Purkey, Navy
More Colts players include
Martin Luther King, Stephen
Hawking, Albert Einstein
characters from Star Trek
Jeanluc Picard, Cmndr Worf,
Cmdr Data, James Kirk,
Mr Spock, Jonathan Archer,
Cmdr Tuvok, Geordi LaForge
Ben Sisko
and fictional characters
Jack Bauer, 24, played by
Keifer Sutherland
Nate Fisher, Six Feet Under,
played by Peter Krause
Also for sentimental reasons,
some fallen friends and family are on this team. Semper Fi. May you rest in
peace.
Baltimore Ravens Fantasy
Roster
Offense
QB Johnny Unitas, NFL
QB Colin Kaepernick,
NFL, civil rights activist
QB Joe Flacco, NFL
HB Lenny Moore, NFL
HB Tom Matte, NFL
HB Jon Snow, Game of
Thrones, played by Kit Harington
HB Jamal Lewis, NFL
FB Joe Perry, NFL
WR Tyrion Lannister,
Game of Thrones, played by Peter Dinklage
WR Raymond Berry, NFL
WR Steve Smith, NFL
WR Muhammad Ali, boxer
WR Michael Scofield,
Prison Break, played by Wentworth Miller
WR Jimmy Dore, comedian
WR Usain Bolt, Olympic
sprinter
TE Shannon Sharpe, NFL
TE Lincoln Burrows,
Prison Break, played by Dominic Purcell
TE John Mackey, NFL
LT Jonathan Ogden, NFL
LT Thurgood Marshall,
Supreme Court justice
LG James Spader, actor
LG Cenk Uygur,
political commentator, The Young Turks
C Eddard Stark, Game
of Thrones, played by Sean Bean
C Steve Biko, South African
political leader
RG Marshal Yanda, NFL
RG Howlin Wolf,
musician
RT Ice Cube, musician
RT Marsellus Wallace,
Pulp Fiction, played by Ving Rhames
Defense
LE Gino Marchetti, NFL
LE Nelson Mandela,
South African political leader
LE Cmndr Worf, Star Trek,
played by Michael Dorn
LE Miles Davis,
musician
RE Edgar Allan Poe,
author
RE John Wick, John
Wick, played by Keanu Reeves
RE Akira Kurosawa,
director
RE Alex Brewster, boy
wonder
RE James Baldwin,
author
DT Art Donovan, NFL
DT Tony Siragusa, NFL
DT Pug Henry, Winds of
War, played by Robert Mitchum
DT Dr Dre, musician
DT Billy Dee Williams,
actor
LB Mike Curtis, NFL
LB Tupac Shakur,
musician
LB Bass Reeves, western
lawman
LB Eric Carter, 24,
played by Corey Hawkins
LB Thomas Aquinas,
philosopher, theologian
LB Ray Lewis, NFL
LB Bernie Sanders,
Independent Vermont senator
LB Conor McGregor,
martial artist
LB Cmndr Tuvok, Star
Trek, played by Tim Russ
LB Lando Calrissian,
Star Wars, played by Billy Dee Williams
LB Peter Boulware, NFL
LB Sonny Liston, boxer
LB Chuck D, musician
LB Terrell Suggs, NFL
LB Homer Smith, Lilies
of the Field, played by Sidney Poitier
CB Sugar Ray Robinson,
boxer
CB Duke Ellington,
musician
CB Thelonious Monk,
musician
CB Travis Mayweather,
Star Trek, played by Anthony Montgomery
CB Bo Diddley, musician
CB Walter White,
Breaking Bad, played by Bryan Cranston
CB Jules Winnfield,
Pulp Fiction, played by Samuel L. Jackson
FS Ed Reed, NFL
FS Walt Whitman, poet
FS Eric Weddle, NFL
FS Cannonball Adderley,
musician
SS John McClane, Die
Hard, played by Bruce Willis
SS Stokley Carmichael,
civil rights activist
SS Winston Zeddmore,
Ghostbusters, played by Ernie Hudson
SS Medger Evers, civil
rights activist
Special Teams
K Trip Tucker, Star
Trek, played by Connor Trinneer
