At this point, Trump’s sued more books than he’s read (That’s really all you need to know about someone)

“According to John Bolton, Trump’s ignorance is near-bottomless. Apparently, Trump didn’t seem to know that Britain was a nuclear power and asked if Finland were part of Russia. Now, you can understand his confusion there, because under President Trump, it feels like we’re kind of part of Russia.” —Stephen Colbert

“Yep, Bolton says he knew he had a duty to tell Americans the truth — once the check cleared for his book advance.” —Jimmy Fallon

“There’s no one, no one to root for in a Trump-versus-Bolton fight. They’re both megalomaniac sociopaths looking out for themselves. It’s a real ‘Alien vs Predator’ situation, except all you need to do to stop Alien Trump is install a ramp.” —Seth Meyers

“And by the way, while Trump is fighting off this book, he’s also the subject of another tell-all book by his own niece. Yeah, apparently, Trump is considering suing her as well because, like all normal families, his niece signed an NDA in 2001. And I can’t even begin to imagine how awkward Thanksgiving is going to be for the Trump family.” —Trevor Noah

“Trump claims his niece’s book would violate the terms of a nondisclosure agreement he had her sign in 2001. Imagine having an NDA with your niece. That’s really all you need to know about someone.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“At this point, Trump’s sued more books than he’s read.” —Jimmy Fallon

“If the lawsuit fails, Trump has a backup plan. He is going to build a chain-link fence around every Barnes & Noble.” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Legal experts say this may finally explain why justice is blind (I just assumed my dress would get ruined)

Hundreds of people waited outside of Barnes and Noble in the pouring rain for a chance to meet Bill Clinton. When asked if she minded the rain one woman said, “I'm meeting Bill Clinton I just assumed my dress would get ruined.” --Conan O’Brien 6/22/2004

According to USA Today many colleges and universities are all around the country are trying to be more gay-friendly. In a related story Oral Roberts University is now Anal Roberts University. --Conan O’Brien 6/23/2004

This is a strange story but it's true. This week a judge in Oklahoma was charged with masturbating under his robe while a court case was going on. Legal experts say this may finally explain why justice is blind. --Conan O’Brien 6/25/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You buy the Sarah Palin book, they will throw in a free Mayan calendar (ten more years of inexperience)

"Barnes and Noble is running a great promotion on the Sarah Palin book. You buy the Sarah Palin book, they will throw in a free Mayan calendar." –David Letterman

"A lot of people are saying that it's too soon for Sarah Palin to write a memoir. They say she should wait until she had at least ten more years of inexperience." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin's book is now available on kindle, and, coincidentally, I'm using my copy as kindling." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And I'm Not In Jail? Go Me. (she got a cramp in her wink)

"Anybody reading the 'Going Rogue' book, the Sarah Palin memoir? Remember the interview she did with Katie Couric before the election and it was confusing and clumsy. Well, in the book, Sarah Palin says that she felt ambushed when Katie Couric asked her what newspapers she read. This coming from a woman who hunts wolves from a helicopter." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin signed copies — she's out on a massive book tour. This is a huge bestseller. She was at Barnes & Noble today and she actually had to take a break because she got a cramp in her wink." –David Letterman

"Then she got a sore hand from signing so many book copies. She had to call Rush Limbaugh to get some OxyContin, and that put her right where she wanted to be." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”  

Telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act (later this fall for a book shooting)

"People in Alaska are looking forward to Sarah Palin's memoir. They're already calling it 'The Book to Nowhere.'" --David Letterman

"But if you're interested, Sarah Palin will be at Barnes & Noble later this fall for a book shooting." --David Letterman

"Sarah Palin just finished writing her memoirs. And her publisher says -- this is a quote -- 'It's her words, her life and it's all there in full and fascinating detail.' Yeah, then he said, 'Or so I'm told. I wouldn't read this thing if you put a gun in my mouth.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Obama made his big healthcare address to a joint session of Congress last night. It went pretty well, except for one weird part in the middle of it, when a congressman from South Carolina suddenly yelled out, 'You lie!' It's amazing this guy was able to sit through seven years of President Bush telling him everything in Iraq is fine without a peep, but last night, he yells out, 'You lie!'" --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

You can actually use it to stand on to reach a better book (get to Barnes & Noble early for the book shooting)

"You guys remember Dick Cheney? Vice President for eight years? Listen to this - and by all means try to stay in your seats when you hear the news. Don't be rushing out to bookstores. He's written a memoir about his life. Not just a memoir, a thousand pages! It's a great book. You can actually use it to stand on to reach a better book." --David Letterman

"Cheney doesn't say anything for eight years, and now he's got a thousand-page book? Talk about torture. There's your torture right there." --David Letterman

"Anyway, Cheney’s book is fantastic, and you better get to Barnes & Noble early for the book shooting." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Or, as we call it in this country, the vice president (Boy, did they get the wrong number)

"At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. To which Bill said, 'Boy, did they get the wrong number.'" --Jay Leno

"A lot of Americans don't understand the role of the queen. The queen is merely a figurehead. She wields no real political power. Or, as we call it in this country, the vice president." --Jay Leno

"The economy is horrible, isn't it? Just horrible. Every day there are little reminders that jump right in your face and remind you how bad the economy is. This morning, I wake up, I go downstairs. The Starbucks that was in my living room has closed. I go to Barnes and Noble, every book on sale in Barnes and Noble begins on Chapter 11. My retirement fund has lost so much value, it's now a 401K-Mart." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Shhh — I think they forgot about us (Department of Lubrication)

The Trump administration says they want to combine the Department of Labor and the Department of Education. Trump said, "We're merging the Departments of Labor and Education to create... the Department of Lubrication." --Jimmy Fallon

During the G7 Summit, Trump tossed a Starburst to German leader Angela Merkel and said, “Here, Angela, don’t say I never gave you anything.” Then he realized it was a red one and dove across the table to get it back. --Jimmy Fallon

Starbucks just announced that they’re closing 150 stores due to low sales. Meanwhile, the Starbucks inside Barnes & Noble was like, “Shhh — I think they forgot about us.” --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

She's a toddler with a gold medal, which is impressive (Osamas killed: 0)

It's tricky for journalists to write about Caitlyn Jenner, because she was a 65-year-old man, now she's a 2-year-old woman. She's a toddler with a gold medal, which is impressive. –Jimmy Kimmel

Barnes & Noble, the bookstore, has not been doing great. They have a new plan to attract customers. They're planning to open four bookstores next year that serve beer and wine. They hope that offering alcohol will encourage more people to come in. To me this is clearly a Barnes idea; Noble would never be involved in this. –Jimmy Kimmel