I didn’t know she gave speeches (What day is it?)

According to Forbes magazine, in the past year Taylor Swift has earned $170 million. When she heard that, Hillary Clinton said, "I didn’t know she gave speeches." –Conan O’Brien

"A powerful storm in Washington, D.C. knocked over a 100-year-old Elm tree on the White House lawn. President Bush was not hurt because he was playing in a different tree at the time." --Conan O'Brien

Marvel announced that the next Iron Man will be an African-American woman. However, in keeping with Hollywood tradition, she will still be played by Robert Downey Jr. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

No, no, it’s definitely Johnson (now you have The Avengers)

October 2021

“Let’s kick things off with the topic on everyone’s mind: vaccine booster shots. They’re like a butt lift for your immune system. And one thing people are wondering about is whether they should mix and match their shots, because maybe vaccines are like superheroes. Sure, Iron Man can save your life, but if you follow him up with Captain America, now you have the Avengers.” —Trevor Noah

“This is kind of like mixing alcoholic beverages — you can do it, but should you? Just remember the rule of thumb: Moderna before Pfizer, always wiser. Pfizer before Moderna, some concern-a.” —James Corden

“The government is careful to say they would not recommend one shot over another. They’re like parents talking to their kids about college: ‘Hey, pick whatever major makes you happy, as long as it’s not poetry or Johnson & Johnson.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Clearly, someone at the company has to be held accountable for this. Personally, I blame Johnson. Then again, maybe it was Johnson I should blame? No, no, it’s definitely Johnson.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Such is its fear of their power (they did not deploy Iron Man)

May 2013

"If you think Benghazi is worse than slavery, the Trail of Tears, Japanese internment, Tuskegee, purposefully injecting Guatemalan mental patients with syphilis, lying about WMDs, and the fact that banks today are still foreclosing on mortgages they don't own, then your hard-on for Obama has lasted more than four hours, and you need to call a doctor." –Bill Maher

"The Obama administration is experiencing multiple scandals, and the Republicans are having multiple orgasms. Three scandals at once? Rush Limbaugh today said, 'I feel like I'm on Oxycontin again.'" –Bill Maher

"Most of the media resisted picking up the Fox News talking points about Benghazi because they were made up, but now that's there's three bullsh*t scandals that we're in, we are so there. They are so obsessed with this, Amanda Knox could fall down a well and get eaten by a shark, they wouldn't report it this week." –Bill Maher

"Today, the oversight committee demanded to know why, on the night of the attack in Benghazi, they did not deploy Iron Man." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s an ‘Infinity War’ with no ‘Endgame.’ (shut that door to nowhere)

April 2021

“Twenty years is a long time. Those are 17th-century European numbers. That’s the kind of war you fight because the Spanish contessa rejected your proposal to unite the kingdoms and eloped with the Duke of Saxony.” —Stephen Colbert

“It’s been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan. This conflict’s older than the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It’s an ‘Infinity War’ with no ‘Endgame.’” —Stephen Colbert

“This war has stayed with us through four White House occupants with nothing changing. And now Joe Biden has decided it’s time to shut that door to nowhere.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even guys who go to Hooters for the wings were like, “Yeah, right.”

President Trump just did an interview where he wondered why the Civil War ever happened. Then Education Secretary Betsy DeVos said, “That’s easy, Captain America and Iron Man got in a big fight.” –Jimmy Fallon

Trump defended all his trips that he’s made to his golf courses, saying that he only goes there to hold meetings. Even guys who go to Hooters for the wings were like, “Yeah, right.” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Said black voters, “We’re not at this rally.” (So, congratulations to my ex-girlfriend)

Donald Trump yesterday continued his attempts to appeal to black voters, telling attendees at a rally, “What the hell do you have to lose? Give me a chance!” Said black voters, “We’re not at this rally.” –Seth Meyers

The Trump campaign recently announced that Donald Trump will be delaying his major address on immigration that was originally scheduled to take place on Thursday. So if you want to know where Trump stands on immigration, you’ll just have to wait until a year ago. –Seth Meyers

Marvel announced today that it will be launching a female reboot of Iron Man, starring a character named Ironheart. So, congratulations to my ex-girlfriend. –Seth Meyers

They’ve been charged with two counts of "Deserving each other." (Robert Downey Jr.)

A couple in North Carolina was arrested for attacking each other with pizza rolls. They’ve been charged with two counts of "Deserving each other." –Conan O’Brien

Marvel announced that the next Iron Man will be an African-American woman. However, in keeping with Hollywood tradition, she will still be played by Robert Downey Jr. –Conan O’Brien

The Juno satellite probe which hasn’t been heard from in five years and has been traveling through deep space finally reached Jupiter yesterday and reestablished contact with Earth. The Jupiter satellite’s first message was, "The Republican Nominee is WHO?" –Conan O’Brien