A plan Republicans immediately denounced as an admission of failure, opposed to their plan, which is failure without admission (wage stealers)

"Homeland Security announced that there are 600,000 fugitives unaccounted for in America. And those are just the ones in the Bush administration." --Jay Leno

"An aide to the newly elected Democratic Senator Jim Webb of Virginia was arrested for trying to bring the senator's gun into the Senate office building. Webb said he needed the gun for protection. Apparently, he had an afternoon meeting with Vice President Cheney." --Jay Leno

"Let's begin in Washington, where I am pleased to say that after just a few scant months in power, congressional Democrats have made great strides in their efforts to lose the war in Iraq. Last Friday, the House put yet another cherry on its treason sundae by narrowly passing a war spending bill calling for the end of combat operations by next September. A plan Republicans immediately denounced as an admission of failure, opposed to their plan, which is failure without admission." --Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann's skull (Cheney's fondest pipe dream)

"Sure, blacks may be getting ignored now, but isn't that just getting them warmed up for next year, when they're really going to be ignored?" --Daily Show correspondent Larry Wilmore, on the Republican presidential candidates skipping the minority-issue debate

"Sometimes I don't think Congress has America's best interest at heart. For example, when they convene. But every once and a while they pass a bill that restores my faith in the system, like Wednesday's Lieberman-Kyl amendment, which passed by a 76-22 margin and calls on President Bush to declare Iran's Revolutionary Guard a terrorist organization. The president is prosecuting a war on terror. This makes Iran the second front. But not everyone supports our troops enough to give them the job security a war with Iran would provide. People like Senator Jim Webb who voted against the amendment, calling it, 'Dick Cheney's fondest pipe dream.' Well, that is completely unfair. Everyone knows Dick Cheney's fondest pipe dream is driving a bulldozer into the New York Times while drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann's skull" --Stephen Colbert

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

An evil soufflé needs time to rise (macaca-ish)

"Last Sunday night '60 Minutes' aired a disturbing Mike Wallace interview with Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. I don't like '60 Minutes' talking to our enemies. Everyone knows Iran is going to be our next global nemesis. They need to be isolated like North Korea, so they have time to blossom into a full blown opponent. An evil soufflé needs time to rise." --Stephen Colbert

"Midterms are a few months away. The intensity is picking up. Republican Senator/possible '08 presidential candidate George Allen of Virginia campaigning hard. George Allen was pointing out that his opponent in the Senate race, James Webb had sent someone to videotape all of George Allen's appearances -- which is not a very nice thing to do because George Allen says some really stupid s---. Like, 'Let's all welcome macaca over here to America.' Although in Allen's defense, he didn't know that the gentleman was already a citizen and didn't need to be welcomed to America, or that his name wasn't 'macaca.' I think Allen just assumed the gentleman looked 'macaca-ish'." --Jon Stewart

Allen once had 400 slaves on a schooner named the Zulu Demon II

"A report leaked to the New York Times insinuates that the Iraq war has actually helped spread the Jihadist movement. President Bush none too pleased about the report. [on screen: Bush calling the assumption that going to Iraq was a mistake, naive]. Wow, going to Iraq being a mistake is naive? How naive? This kind of naive? [on screen: VP Dick Cheney saying, 'I really do believe we will be greeted as liberators']. That kind of naive?" --Jon Stewart

"As we know, Virginia is for lovers, and while as a state they've made progress, there are still signs of its segregationist past [on screen: water fountains with 'Lovers' and 'Non Lovers' signs above them]. That past looms large in this year's Senate race between incumbent George Allen and former Navy Secretary Jim Webb. The two are in a virtual dead heat following a series of allegations of racism against Allen. I believe you remember the first incident [on screen: Allen's 'macaca' comment]. Ah, macaca? Is that racism, or dickism?. But then the flood gates reopened. Reports surfaced that Allen had once kept a confederate flag in his living room and a noose in his law office and that he regularly used the 'N' word in college. I can only assume the 'N' word for him being nacaca. And of course, just this morning the startling revelation -- Allen once had 400 slaves on a schooner named the Zulu Demon II." --Jon Stewart

Does it count if it was in Scrabble?

"President Bush on Tuesday dismissed the finger-pointing criticism from Bill Clinton that the Bush administration had not been vigorous enough in going after Osama bin Laden, adding, 'We'll let history judge.' Oh, it has. It's in this book [on screen: The 9/11 Commission Report]. You commissioned it." --Seth Meyers

"In wake of the George Allen controversy, Virginia Democratic Senate challenger Jim Webb declined to say on Tuesday whether he ever used the 'N' word. But it did not help his case when he asked, 'Does it count if it was in Scrabble?'" --Seth Meyers

"President Bush said today he is inviting other counties to help in Iraq. Isn't that kind of like inviting people to help you move? Iraq? I'm busy that Wednesday." --Jay Leno

Even when I get into Harvard, I still embarrass my parents

You may have heard I had yet another mishap. This time I injured my other hand right after getting an award from Harvard. Even when I get into Harvard, I still embarrass my parents. –Jimmy Fallon

Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 68 today. When asked what her favorite gift was, she said, "Donald Trump." –Jimmy Fallon

Last week Democratic candidates Lincoln Chafee and Jim Webb announced that they are dropping out of the race. Which raises the question, what if two trees fall in the forest and there's nobody there to hear it? –Jimmy Fallon