My apologies to Elvis, and the entire Costello family (Well, I wasn’t going to marry him/Iraq rememberer)

"Republican Congressman Phil Hinkle, who voted to ban gay marriage, was caught propositioning a male prostitute. Hinkle said, 'Well, I wasn’t going to marry him.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Michele Bachmann wished Elvis Presley a happy birthday even though it's actually the anniversary of his death. When told about the mistake, Bachmann said, 'My apologies to Elvis, and the entire Costello family.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Those Rich Boys Sure Are Sad (he was voted ‘most likely to die on the toilet’)

On Sunday night’s Grammy awards, Taylor Swift won her record-breaking fourth album of the year award and surprise-announced a new album, The Tortured Poets Department, due out in April. Coincidentally, ‘Tortured Poets Department’? Also a rejected title for the movie Dead Poets Society along with Bad School, Good Teacher and Those Rich Boys Sure Are Sad. —Stephen Colbert

President Biden allegedly called Donald Trump a “sick fuck” who delights in others’ misfortune. To which Trump objected, ‘I’m not sick, doctors are always coming up to me,’ said Colbert, imitating the former president. These doctors, big doctors, tears in their eyes, big guys, strong doctors. Doctors who never cry, I’m talking about lumberjack, football-playing doctors. And they say sir, sir, you’re the healthiest fuck I’ve ever seen.’ As for Trump’s claim that he looks like Elvis – Look, I don’t care for the guy, you know that, but I do think Donald Trump does look like Elvis … if you dug up Elvis now. They have a lot in common. In Trump’s high school yearbook, he was voted ‘most likely to die on the toilet’. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That picture looks like Two-Face, if he was a musician (is … that Elvis?)

“Weird is probably the nicest thing President Biden has to say about Donald Trump, because in private, he’s reportedly said much worse. There is a Politico report that Biden privately called Trump a ‘sick fuck’ who delights in others’ misfortune. In the past, a slip vulgarity was political kryptonite. But so were 91 felony charges. We live in different times, so I say: let it rip, Joe! Just start dropping f-bombs on the campaign trail. You’re from Scranton, you can get away with it. Instead of trying to prove him wrong, Trump just said ‘you think that’s weird, hold my beer’ – by posting a photo splicing his face with Elvis Presley and claiming people always say he looks like the King. I think they just meant that you also look like you died on the toilet. That picture looks like Two-Face, if he was a musician.” —Seth Meyers

“And even when he’s supposedly talking about actual policies, Trump is still a weirdo and a liar. In an interview Trump did with Fox News over the weekend where he tried to take credit for a stellar jobs report even [Maria] Bartiromo, a huge Trump supporter and fellow crazy person, seemed taken aback by Trump’s attempt to take credit for it. Asked about how to explain the booming economy under Biden, Trump claimed the stock market rose because people expect him to get re-elected. Bartiromo seemed skeptical. Look at her face. She’s either having a moment of existential panic where it finally dawned on her that the guy she’s interviewing is a pathological liar who’s detached from reality, or she’s thinking to herself: ‘is … that Elvis?’” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Baltimore liberals force pigeons from their homes (Party of Patriots)

"Michele Bachmann wished Elvis Presley a happy birthday even though it's actually the anniversary of his death. When told about the mistake, Bachmann said, 'My apologies to Elvis, and the entire Costello family.'" –Conan O'Brien

Last night, the city of Baltimore removed four statues of Confederate heroes. Or, as Fox News reported it, "Baltimore liberals force pigeons from their homes." –Conan O’Brien

Bill Cosby has hired a woman to be his lead attorney. She says she doesn’t know how she got the job, she just woke up and there it was. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Elvis is alive! Bigfoot is real! Aliens are here! It's all true! (We'd like someplace quiet)

"While after vigorously denying reports of his extramarital affair, and calling the story ridiculous, untrue and tabloid trash, John Edwards today admitted he had an affair. And the National Enquirer was the only publication writing about it, the National Enquirer was the first to break it, turns out it was true. You know what this means? Elvis is alive! Bigfoot is real! Aliens are here! It's all true!" --Jay Leno

"Did you see Sarah Palin standing next to John McCain at the podium the other day when he introduced her? Didn't it look like one of those commercials where the daughter is trying to find a nice home to put Dad in? 'We'd like someplace quiet.'" --Jay Leno

"Oh, and listen to this. It happened yet again last month. A Georgia couple showed up a day early for a tour at the White House — you know, just regular folks. Showed up to tour the White House, somehow wound up in an invitation-only breakfast with President Obama and the First Lady. Isn't that amazing? The only two people that couldn't get in the White House this year were John McCain and Sarah Palin." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, technically, its full name is Marvin, Duke of the Running Wheel (How was my time?)

Michael Phelps and his fiancée just welcomed their first child. Immediately after the baby was born, he looked up and said, “How was my time?” –Jimmy Fallon

But Teacher Appreciation Day is very special. It's the one day each year when we tell our teachers that there's no one we're prouder of, and our teachers are like, "There's no one OF WHOM you're prouder." --Jimmy Fallon

Kate Middleton revealed yesterday that her children have a pet hamster named Marvin. Well, technically, its full name is Marvin, Duke of the Running Wheel. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How can I oppose anything that brings more cake into New Jersey? (That's from a guy who saw Lincoln get shot)

“Yesterday John McCain said the government shutdown was worse than the one in '95. That's 1795. He was 44 at the time, cleaning a musket for his son.” –Conan O’Brien

"Today John McCain said the shutdown was, quote, one of the most shameful things he's seen as a senator. That's from a guy who saw Lincoln get shot." –Conan O'Brien

"As of today, same-sex marriages are now legal in New Jersey. And today New Jersey governor Chris Christie announced he would no longer oppose gay marriage. He said, 'How can I oppose anything that brings more cake into New Jersey?'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's your patriotic duty to go bankrupt (The other 15% work for the Bush White House)

 

"According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the Bush White House." --Jay Leno

"Earlier today President Bush took Japanese Prime Minister Koizumi to Graceland. The prime minister is a huge Elvis fan. There was one embarrassing moment when President Bush made the Japanese prime minister promise that when he visits Japan, he will take him to the Godzilla museum." --Jay Leno

 

"I'm surprised that Jessica Simpson is distancing herself from the president. I mean they have a lot in common: They're both from Texas, they're both under constant press scrutiny and they both have no clue about what's going on in Iraq." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

NHL: Buffalo vs Nashville (Elvis Presley Hat Trick)

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#RandomThoughts #poetry #1001Ways

The Jets are going all the way this year (The People Don't Know Their True Power)

November 2020

“President Trump’s legal team disavowed the lawyer Sidney Powell on Sunday after she cited wild conspiracy theories to back her claims that the election had been rigged. Yeah, she got kicked off Trump’s legal team for being too crazy. That’s like getting kicked off of ‘Real Housewives’ for being too crazy.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Seriously, you know how nuts you have to be when Rudy Giuliani’s head starts leaking and you’re the one who gets fired?” —Jimmy Fallon

“For anyone asking what’s more embarrassing than being on the Trump legal team, the answer is getting fired from the Trump legal team.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yep, her conspiracy theories were too much even for Trump. Well, today she wrote a farewell email. It said: ‘My fellow Trump lawyers, well, it finally happened — the illuminati got me fired. Luckily, you’ll still find the culprits who hacked the election: Hugo Chávez, Charles Barkley and Flo the Progressive Insurance lady. They’re in a bunker nine miles below before the Times Square Bubba Gump’s Shrimp. The password to enter is “Elvis is alive and he lives at Area 51.” Hail Zoltar! Sidney. P.S. Jets are going all the way this year.’” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I accidentally mixed up my sea of white people (OK, now I'm dead)

August 2011

"Texas Governor Rick Perry distanced himself from George W. Bush by saying, 'I went to Texas A&M. He went to Yale.' In other words, his idea of instilling confidence is by saying, 'Don’t worry. I’m not as smart as George W. Bush.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Michele Bachmann wished Elvis Presley a happy birthday even though it's actually the anniversary of his death. When told about the mistake, Bachmann said, 'My apologies to Elvis, and the entire Costello family.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Mitt Romney said he was in Iowa when he was actually in New Hampshire. He explained, 'I accidentally mixed up my sea of white people.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The White House sent Vice President Joe Biden to China today. So now we owe them a trillion dollars AND an apology." –Conan O'Brien

"Newt Gingrich, who came in 8th place in the Iowa Straw Poll, said he's 'not dead yet.' Then he was invited on 'Dancing With the Stars,' and he said, 'OK, now I'm dead.'" –Conan O'Brien 

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Suspicious Minds - Elvis Presley

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Elvis tribute - Leann Rimes & Chris Isaak (Devil in disguise)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Oct 8, 1994 Elvis Tribute Show Faith Hill - Trying to Get To You

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Elvis tribute - Leann Rimes & Chris Isaak (Devil in disguise)

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Please don't touch the harpsichord (Abraham Lincoln had a secretary named Ringo)

I don't like to complain but lately it seems whenever I have a dinner party I have to keep saying the five same words over and over again to my guests. “Please don't touch the harpsichord.” --David Letterman 8/26/1988

A stage costume worn once by Elvis Presley sold a couple of days ago in London for $48,000. The guy who bought it said he was going to donate it to his son's Little League field to be used as a tarp. --David Letterman 8/26/1988

Top Ten Revelations in Albert Goldman's Upcoming Biography of Ringo Starr

10. Only Beatle to portray himself in Beatlemania

9. Used to give John and Paul token songs to sing so they wouldn't feel left out

8. Had a secretary named Lincoln, while Lincoln had a secretary named Ringo

7. For a while actually believed Paul was dead

6. Served in Indiana National Guard during Vietnam War

5. Suggested Hey Hey We're the Monkees as the Beatles theme song

4. On their honeymoon he and wife Barbara Bach held a bed-in to promote Seagram's wine coolers

3. Made a fortune selling cheesy Ginsu knife sets on TV. Oh, I’m sorry. That’s a revelation about Ronco, not Ringo

2. Advised Paul that “Hey Dude” just didn’t sound right

1.  Vocal on “Octopus's Garden” played backwards sounds like “Thank God these other guys are so talented”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Police describe the thieves as armed and extremely tacky (No, it's not a toupee)

In Las Vegas thieves broke into the Elvis-A-Rama Museum and stole 325 thousand dollars worth of Elvis jewelry and memorabilia. Police describe the thieves as armed and extremely tacky. --Conan O’Brien 3/18/2004

According to the US Patent Office Donald Trump is trying to trademark the phrase, “You’re Fired.” Trump is also trying to trademark his other phrase,  “No, it's not a toupee.” --Conan O’Brien 3/18/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Elvis Presley on fake news (footage of a Washington Redskins game)

Some videos of racially insensitive Halloween costumes went viral today. Then people realized they were just watching footage of a Washington Redskins game. –Conan O’Brien

In Wisconsin, a child’s trick-or-treat bag was found to contain meth. On the plus side, the kid did manage to hit 19 houses in under two minutes. –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

mostly false/false/pants on fire false (Moron Fake News Breasts)

The Senate Intel Committee, by the way, is busy right now looking into the fake news stories the Russians made up to help Trump win the election. The other irony is no one, no breathing human on planet Earth, produces more fake news than Donald Trump. This is Donald Trump’s rating on PolitiFact, the nonpartisan fact-checking organization: According to them only 5 percent of the things that come out of his mouth are true. More than two-thirds, 69 percent, are either mostly false, false, or pants on fire false. –Jimmy Kimmel

This is another chart, from The Washington Post. Over the last 232 days, Donald Trump has made 1,145 claims that are false or misleading. And that’s just the stuff he says in public. Donald Trump is a tornado of fake news. He’s the Michael Jordan, Elvis Presley, and Great Wall of China of fake news combined. Donald Trump criticizing fake news is like Hugh Hefner criticizing fake breasts. –Jimmy Kimmel

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

top earning dead celebrities (frequently changing positions)

"Forbes Magazine just released their list of the top earning dead celebrities. Elvis is number one. Number two dead celebrity, John Lennon. Number three, surprisingly, Larry King." --Jay Leno

"Last night during the Democratic presidential debate, Senator Barack Obama accused  Hillary Clinton of frequently changing positions. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, 'I wish.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems