the Los Angeles Little Mermaids (crushing defense)

The CEO of Disney is now getting involved in bringing an NFL team to Los Angeles. So football fans, get ready for the crushing defense of the Los Angeles Little Mermaids. –James Corden

Today, the people of Massachusetts, where the first legal marijuana dispensaries opened and in the town of North Hampton, the first person in line to purchase weed was the mayor. There’s no word if the mayor used the marijuana, but he did spend the first twenty minutes of a press conference giggling about how Massachusetts has the word “ass” in it.  --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I have a feeling that they are going to leave that part out of the Disney movie (It’s called Bronzer, Nancy and it’s not fooling anyone)

Nancy Pelosi said President Trump is involved in a coverup. It’s called Bronzer, Nancy and it’s not fooling anyone. --Stephen Colbert

A wild raccoon has moved into a German zoo and the zookeepers can’t expel it. Zookeepers say the raccoon “can expect free board and lodgings for life, because European Union rules forbid him from being released back into the wild.” But “He’ll have to be castrated.” And I have a feeling that they are going to leave that part out of the Disney movie. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now all we need to keep our cell phones safe is a Beluga whale in every toilet (they are going to leave that part out of the Disney movie)

In Norway, a whale watcher dropped their cell phone in the ocean. Then a Beluga whale retrieved it for them. That’s amazing. Now all we need to keep our cell phones safe is a Beluga whale in every toilet. --Stephen Colbert

A wild raccoon has moved into a German zoo and the zookeepers can’t expel it. Zookeepers say the raccoon “can expect free board and lodgings for life, because European Union rules forbid him from being released back into the wild.” But “He’ll have to be castrated.” And I have a feeling that they are going to leave that part out of the Disney movie. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Don’t I get credit for anything? (everything that ends in “izl”)

This week, Sarah Palin said that God helped Donald Trump win the presidential election. When he heard this, a furious Satan said, “Don’t I get credit for anything?” –Conan O’Brien

It is reported that rapper Snoop Dogg is filing for divorce. Apparently the divorce settlement is fair. Snoop’s wife gets the car and the house and Snoop gets custody of everything that ends in “izl.” --Conan O’Brien 5/25/2004

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess that means people are really just happy to see you (cops say their job has never been easier)

 

There's a new dating site that's specifically for people who love Disney movies called "Mouse Mingle." Guys who join the site say they love it, while cops say their job has never been easier. –Jimmy Fallon

The world's most popular type of banana is now facing extinction due to a fungus in Panama. Yep. We're facing a banana shortage, so I guess that means people are really just happy to see you. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Reasons to trust the legacy media (a guy named Mad Dog is telling you to take it down a notch)

Disney announced that it’s featuring its first openly gay character in the upcoming live-action film “Beauty and the Beast.” Which explains why they’re changing the title of the movie to “Beauty and Her Longtime Roommate Janine.” –Conan O’Brien

In California, an experimental self-driving Uber car drove through six red lights. In other words, it just passed its Los Angeles driving test. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump is reportedly having multiple disagreements with his Defense Secretary pick, James "Mad Dog" Mattis. You know you’re in trouble when a guy named Mad Dog is telling you to take it down a notch. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In the music business this is what's known as pulling a Biden (Good Night and Good Luck)

A 334 pound man is suing Disney World after being injured on a water slide. The water slide is counter suing for pain and suffering. —Greg Gutfeld

78-year-old rocker Iggy Pop ended his farewell concert by climbing into a coffin and then was wheeled off the stage. In the music business this is what's known as pulling a Biden. —Greg Gutfeld 

This weekend CNN will air the Broadway production of Good Night and Good Luck starring George Clooney. Who's that asked Joe Biden? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm doing this for America (This would make a great Disney movie)

The Wall Street Journal just reported that America has a surplus of cheese and that every person in the country would have to eat an extra three pounds of cheese this year to get rid of it. So the next time the pizza guy judges you for ordering extra cheese, just say, "I'm doing this for America." –Jimmy Fallon

"Disney is trademarking the phrase 'SEAL Team 6,' after the team that took down Osama bin Laden. Yeah, cause when they shot bin Laden, captured his wives and found his porn, I was like, 'This would make a great Disney movie.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You would not believe the tater tots I have access to (I have a feeling that they are going to leave that part out of the Disney movie)

Apparently — this is being reported in the Washington Post — Trump was showing off for his guests telling the Russians: “I get great Intel. I have people brief me on great Intel every day.” Well, yeah. You’re the president. It’s the job. It’s like the guy working the fry station saying, “You would not believe the tater tots I have access to.” –Stephen Colbert

A wild raccoon has moved into a German zoo and the zookeepers can’t expel it. Zookeepers say the raccoon “can expect free board and lodgings for life, because European Union rules forbid him from being released back into the wild.” But “He’ll have to be castrated.” And I have a feeling that they are going to leave that part out of the Disney movie. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the world's first vibrating lightsaber (the first ever open casket interview)

Disney's Star Wars show Andor will introduce lesbian characters to the series. In a related story they're also introducing the world's first vibrating lightsaber. —Greg Gutfeld

Joe Biden will have his first post presidency chat on The View. They're calling it the first ever open casket interview. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Congress did that already when it created Adam Schiff (she said it's high on the totem pole)

Disney's research division has developed an autonomous humanoid robot that can mimic human behavior. I hate to break it to you Disney, Congress did that already when it created Adam Schiff. — Tom Shillue 

Elizabeth Warren says that Congress has to take the tariff authority away from Trump. When asked if it's a priority she said it's high on the totem pole. — Tom Shillue

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In her defense she was already pretty drunk (sex tape)

A New York woman fell flat on her face after trying to snatch a MAGA hat off a fellow subway passenger. In her defense Kamala Harris was already pretty drunk. —Greg Gutfeld 

Disney's Snow White is projected to be the lowest earning live-action remake in the company's history. It's the worst thing to happen to Disney since someone leaked the Minnie Mouse and Tommy Lee sex tape. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The working poor are the major philanthropists of our society (Wait, Wait, Don’t Eat Me)

Disney theme parks have introduced a new Lightning Lane ticket that allows people to skip lines for almost $500 a person. Nice try Disney, but I'm sticking with my trusty wheelchair. —Colin Jost     

Actor Armie Hammer is launching a new podcast aimed at rehabilitating his image after accusations of cannibalism, so be sure to check out Armie Hammer on Wait, Wait, Don’t - Eat Me. —Colin Jost    

Kamala Harris made the closing arguments in her campaign, delivering a speech with the white House in the background. And if you zoom in real close, you can see Joe Biden tied up inside. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's the second time they had to shoot McKinley (President Trump, welcome to my world)

Just a day-and-a-half after Hurricane Irma ended, Disney World managed to reopen today. That's pretty impressive. Disney's biggest obstacle after the storm was to get the robots from the Hall of Presidents to stop looting. That's the second time they had to shoot McKinley. –Conan O’Brien

During his speech to the U.N., President Trump paused for what he thought was an applause line and was met by silence. President Trump, welcome to my world. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's also expected to look a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger (it's proof that the president can come up with a bad idea at any level)

"The world's 7 billionth person is expected to be born in India in October. He's also expected to look a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger." –Conan O'Brien

"President Bush, of course, is responding to the crisis. He's on vacation. That's his plan. He'll show them President Bush is on vacation in Texas right now. This is true. He's urging his staff to join the 100-degree club by running three miles in 100-degree heat. Experts say it's proof that the president can come up with a bad idea at any level." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It’s great news for anyone who loves theme parks but wished the lines were a billion times longer (he knows all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody)

Disney revealed its plans for its upcoming resort and theme park in Shanghai, which will open next year. It’s great news for anyone who loves theme parks but wished the lines were a billion times longer. —Jimmy Fallon

Before he met Putin, Trump was in the U.K., where he met Queen Elizabeth. It got off to a bumpy start when the first thing Trump told the queen was that he knows all the words to “Bohemian Rhapsody.” --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This would make a great Disney movie (ask if Zoloft might be right for them)

"Disney is trademarking the phrase 'SEAL Team 6,' after the team that took down Osama bin Laden. Yeah, cause when they shot bin Laden, captured his wives and found his porn, I was like, 'This would make a great Disney movie.'" –Jimmy Fallon

A new study found that more than half of American doctors are burnt out, exhausted, and losing their sense of purpose. So, if your doctor seems burnt out, exhausted, and losing their sense of purpose, ask if Zoloft might be right for them. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, kids, get ready for a ride where Dad cuts your hand off (old-timey doctors)

Hey, guys, listen to this: Disney has a new "Star Wars" theme park. And they're promising a fully physical and immersive experience. So, kids, get ready for a ride where Dad cuts your hand off. --Jimmy Fallon

Some more news here. I saw that Kia just debuted a new electric car that has a dashboard with 21 screens. 21 screens. They even have a name for it: the Accidente. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Militarization of the federal budget (pudding fingers)

“Ron DeSantis met with his advisers, and they were, like, ‘Ron, how do we put this? There’s a better chance of you being a judge on “RuPaul’s Drag Race” than being president of the United States.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“It’s estimated that Ron DeSantis spent $2,263 per vote he got. It literally would have been cheaper to buy each of his supporters a Peloton bike.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“I don’t understand why Americans didn’t rally behind a guy who declared war on the Magic Kingdom, attacked trans kids, denied Covid, kidnapped migrants and flew them to Martha’s Vineyard, and ate pudding with his fingers.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My last name? It's not important (this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me)

"During the Kennedy Center Honors on Sunday, President Obama presented an award to Bruce Springsteen, saying, 'I'm the president, but he's the boss.' At which point Springsteen ordered our troops out of Afghanistan." –Seth Meyers

Disneyworld's Hall of Presidents debuted an animatronic President Trump today. Good lord! Disneyworld, is that supposed to go in the haunted mansion? Even Lincoln is looking at him like, this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. –Seth Meyers

"Jeb Bush announced on the Internet that he is exploring a 2016 bid for president. And to increase his chances, he's going to run as just 'Jeb.' He said, 'My last name? It's not important.'" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”