Hold for booing (the Iran war championship T-shirt merch we had to throw away)

“Well, get this, last night during a speech in North Carolina, Trump said high gas prices are a ‘very inexpensive price to pay’ for the war. Then his teleprompter said, ‘Hold for booing.’” — Jimmy Fallon

“We’ve got a problem with diesel, and I mean the fuel source, not the brand of jeans worn exclusively by disgusting Europeans. And the cost is even more when you count all the military bases we have to repair, all the equipment we’ll have to fix, all the Iran war championship T-shirt merch we had to throw away.” — Michael Kosta

“I’m starting to think it’s bad that our entire economy is built on extracting oil from incredibly narrow waterways in the world’s most volatile region.” — Michael Kosta

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Challenge accepted, said Dr. Fauci (Been there, done that)

Mel Gibson is busy completing his movie about Jesus after Jesus comes back from the dead. Been there, done that, said Mitch McConnell's wife. —Greg Gutfeld 

According to three researchers with the industry giant Anthropic, artificial intelligence could kill off every man, woman, and child by 2030. Huh? Challenge accepted, said Dr. Fauci. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it comes preloaded with viruses (the Bay of tech support)

So, Hunter Biden announced that he's launching his own crypto token and it's called laptop and like Hunter it comes preloaded with viruses. --Greg Gutfeld 

An amateur gardener has grown a half-ton pumpkin that's still growing 40 pounds a day. And get this, it just became the newest cast member of  The View. --Greg Gutfeld

President Trump is considering renaming the Strait of Hormuz after himself. And word is he's also renaming the Indian Ocean the Bay of tech support. --Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Plus, if you make it all the way up to the fifth level, Mexico pays for it (and most of all, not having sex)

Former Real World cast member Davis Mallory claims he isn't gay anymore and posted pictures of his girlfriend. The couple reportedly loves rollerblading, going to musicals, and most of all, not having sex. —Joe Mackey 

The White House launched a mega themed video game where players can build the border wall. Plus, if you make it all the way up to the fifth level, Mexico pays for it. —Joe Mackey 

A Staten Island man survived being struck by lightning. Not only did he survive, but he now loves Puerto Ricans. —Joe Mackey 

15 colleges now cost more than $100,000 per year. As a result, students have no choice but to take out loans to pay for their drugs. —Joe Mackey 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What stage of capitalism is this? (Fairly simple thing that happens to work)

I'd like to talk about a few things that bring us together. Okay, things that emphasize our similarities instead of our differences, which is all you ever hear about in this country are differences. Politicians and the media are always pushing the things that separate us, things that make us different. That's the way the ruling class operates in any society. They divide the rest of the people, they keep the lower and the middle classes fighting with each other so that the rich can run off with all the fucking money. Fairly simple thing that happens to work. --George Carlin

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The weird thing is everyone else at the Florida prison is there for the exact same reason (ten cents more a day)

Donald Trump insisted he's always had a great relationship with women. He said, "I believe a woman can be anything she wants to be, whether that's Miss USA or Miss Universe. Either one." –Conan O’Brien

A Florida man who accidentally fired a gun in a strip club restroom while trying to take a selfie has been sent to prison. The weird thing is everyone else at the Florida prison is there for the exact same reason. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Taming of the Shroom (Police are describing the suspect as his mother)

In Virginia someone broke into a man’s apartment, cleaned it, and took nothing. Completely cleaned the place. Police are describing the suspect as his mother. –Conan O’Brien

Artifacts found in William Shakespeare's home suggest he may have been a marijuana user. Apparently he was doing a couple of drugs because he also had a rough draft of "The Taming of the Shroom." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because he's paying us alimony (Timmy)

Despite all of his sexist comments, 20 percent of Republican women still support Donald Trump. When asked why, the women said, "Because he's paying us alimony." –Conan O’Brien

A new study claims that first grade students are getting three times more homework than they should be doing. This is coming from the lead researcher, "Timmy." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm like, great, now we're outsourcing mistresses (after years of touching Canada)

"Did you hear about Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina? He mysteriously disappeared last week and nobody knew where he was. Today, Sanford admitted to having an affair in Argentina. I'm like, great, now we're outsourcing mistresses." --Craig Ferguson

"Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea after years of touching Canada." --Craig Ferguson, May 2009

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

1,133 Ways to Make America Great Again and Other Random Thoughts (Poem by John Hulse)

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