The Wall Street Journal has recommended clown school for those experiencing burnout. But what if you’re a clown? —Greg Gutfeld
Sylvester Stallone’s Tulsa King has been renewed for another season. In this season Sly will try something he’s never done before. Vowels. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Republicans in Congress are getting concerned that President Obama will try to use the final year of his term to push through too many controversial laws. Obama would’ve responded but he was busy drafting his new "mandatory Mexican gay weed" bill. –Jimmy Fallon
Tomorrow is National Tequila Day. While the day after that is National "Janice From HR Wants to See You in Her Office” Day. --Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Donald Trump’s campaign is now saying he didn’t change his immigration plan, he just changed the words he used to describe it. They also said Trump hasn’t been married three times, he’s just changed the person he calls "wife." –Conan O’Brien
"A hydroponic marijuana store is being opened in California and is being called 'The Wal-Mart of Weed.' It's like a regular Wal-Mart except the greeter says, "Dude, have you seen Greg?" –Conan O'Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
In Virginia someone broke into a man’s apartment, cleaned it, and took nothing. Completely cleaned the place. Police are describing the suspect as his mother. –Conan O’Brien
Artifacts found in William Shakespeare's home suggest he may have been a marijuana user. Apparently he was doing a couple of drugs because he also had a rough draft of "The Taming of the Shroom." –Conan O’Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
In North Carolina the Bowman Gray School of Medicine is looking for 20 habitual marijuana smokers who they'll provide with free pot in order to study the effects of the drug. Note to self, spend summer vacation at the Bowman Gray School of Medicine. --Norm Macdonald
This week President Clinton played golf with ex-presidents Gerald Ford and George Bush. Bush hit an old lady in the face with a golf ball giving her a broken nose and 10 stitches. But don't be impressed. It took him five strokes to do it. --Norm Macdonald
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
The CEO of Disney is now getting involved in bringing an NFL team to Los Angeles. So football fans, get ready for the crushing defense of the Los Angeles Little Mermaids. –James Corden
Today, the people of Massachusetts, where the first legal marijuana dispensaries opened and in the town of North Hampton, the first person in line to purchase weed was the mayor. There’s no word if the mayor used the marijuana, but he did spend the first twenty minutes of a press conference giggling about how Massachusetts has the word “ass” in it. --James Corden
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five." --Jay Leno
"Now that marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado, in Denver they're talking about taxing it up to 35 percent. Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they?" –Jay Leno
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
A new medical study, I think this was just released very recently, found that frequent marijuana use slows down sperm. Scientists say the sperm is not only slower but when they reach the egg they just hang out and play video games. --Conan O’Brien 3/19/2004
In the next few years, the federal government is planning to forgive $100 billion of student debt. So, congratulations to six USC grads. –Conan O’Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Actually, when the voting's done to elect a new Pope, the cardinals burn their ballots. People wait outside the Sistine Chapel to see what color the smoke is. If it's white smoke, they've agreed on a Pope. If it's black smoke, no decision's been made. If it's green smoke, Willie Nelson has somehow gotten into the Sistine Chapel." –Craig Ferguson
On this day in 1776 in Philadelphia, the Liberty Bell rang to announce the first public reading of the Declaration of Independence. Philadelphia's called the City of Brotherly Love. The name comes from the Greek word "filla," meaning brother, and "delphia," meaning cheesesteak.—Craig Ferguson
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Iran may have attacked ISIS. Do you know how long it's been since I have been able to wear my "Go Iran" T-shirt?" –Conan O'Brien
"A major wildfire in northern California is now being blamed on marijuana farmers. Everyone in the region's really angry about it – unless they're downwind, then they're totally cool." –Conan O'Brien
An expert panel has recommended that a medically-induced pregnancy made from three people’s DNA could begin as early as next year. So finally some good news for the Jonas Brothers. –Conan O’Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
President Trump attended the U.S. Women’s Open Golf Tournament this weekend, so just to be safe, the golfers got changed in their cars. –Seth Meyers
A new survey shows 30 percent of Americans believe legalizing marijuana will make driving less safe. Though marijuana users believe that legalization will make driving less likely. –Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
In England a woman was arrested for throwing a birthday party for her 16-year-old son that included marijuana, alcohol and strippers. Now she's got even bigger problems. What to do for his 17th birthday? —Norm Macdonald
A new study found that men with beards are more attractive than men without beards. More great work from the University of Bob Seger. —Norm Macdonald
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Bernie Sanders won last night's Oregon Democratic primary and this was a surprise. Hillary came in third — behind a bag of weed. –Seth Meyers
Police in Philadelphia are investigating after a 5-year-old boy walked into his preschool class holding about two dozen vials of crack cocaine. In the kid's defense, he did bring enough for everyone. --Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Congress may allow Americans to start selling horse meat for human consumption. When they heard the news, McDonald's unveiled their new breakfast offering, the Sea Biscuit biscuit." –Conan O'Brien
Here in New York federal agents busted a 12 million dollar marijuana operation that was operating across the street from a public school. Police became suspicious when the school's bake sale raised 40 million dollars. --Conan O’Brien 3/25/2005
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Major league baseball has announced that they will allow players to wear nicknames on their jerseys for one weekend this season. Unfortunately, it will be the nicknames fans give them. –Seth Meyers
A man completed a 180 mile unicycle ride yesterday, across the state of Maine, unbelievably without stopping to have sex once. --Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
It was sentencing day for Donald Trump’s former lawyer and former friend Michael Cohen. Michael Cohen was sentenced to three years in prison for multiple counts of tax evasion and paying Trump’s mistresses to keep them quiet during the campaign. The big question, of course, is whether Trump himself knew about and directed these illegal payments. And the big answer to that is, Duh. --Jimmy Kimmel
Time magazine has named their Person of the Year. It’s none other than President-elect Donald Trump. He is the Person of the Year. Which is a big deal because this might be one of our last years. –Jimmy Kimmel
"Future President Sarah Palin made her first appearance on Fox News yesterday—after signing a multi-year deal with the network. She was a guest on 'The O'Reilly Factor.' Sources say they have not seen Bill O'Reilly that aroused since the time he got to see Dick Cheney change his tube socks." –Jimmy Kimmel
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
Watching Donald Trump try to explain the legal troubles of his declaring a National Emergency was like watching Schoolhouse Rock have a stroke. --Colin Jost, SNL
A mother in Indiana was arrested after students at an elementary school were exposed to marijuana-laced gummies that she had brought to school. Teachers became suspicious at recess when the kids tried to sync up “Dark Side of the Moon” with “Paw Patrol.” --Colin Jost, SNL
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
According to a new poll, 58 percent of New Jersey residents support legalizing marijuana. I think they just want to finally have a good answer to the question, “What’s that smell?” –Seth Meyers
President Trump today accused Democrats of wanting "unlimited crime." Coincidently, Unlimited Crime was also the most popular class at Trump University. --Seth Meyers
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
This week, 300 cannabis workers in Illinois went on strike, causing panic among the Dave Matthews Band, who are worried people will find out they're terrible. —Greg Gutfeld
China has unveiled a self-driving robot toilet that rolls up to your bed, cleans you up, and then wipes itself off. Or as Joe Biden calls it, Jill. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
“The first licences for recreational marijuana have also finally been produced in New York. New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana.” —Stephen Colbert
Apparently Trump insulted Christie at a dinner party, making Christie wonder if Trump took him to be “one of his chicks.” Well check your bank account. Is there $130,000 in there? --Stephen Colbert
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
