Isn't that the fun of it? (last meal)

Former President Bill Clinton said the CIA abandoned a plan to kill Bin Laden before 9/11 over fears that innocent civilians could die. Hillary disagreed, saying, "Isn't that the fun of it?” —Greg Gutfeld 

For his last meal, Georgia death row inmate Stacy Humphrey requested brisket, ribs, a bacon cheeseburger, chicken wings, pizza, French fries, two kinds of ice cream, and two large sodas. After hearing the news, Chris Christie just slaughtered a family, turned himself in. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

 “A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And then there was the 622 times he said the word 'ham.' (a car alarm stuffed inside a rotting pumpkin)

"Chris Christie gave the keynote address. In his speech he said the word 'I' 37 times, 'Romney' 7 times, and 'jobs' only once. And then there was the 622 times he said the word 'ham.'" –Conan O'Brien

Both candidates are practicing for the debates, and according to insiders, Hillary Clinton is still trying to find a stand-in for Donald Trump. So far the best she’s come up with is a car alarm stuffed inside a rotting pumpkin. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do not get between governor Christie and the potato salad (the other way around)

"If you are attending this campaign cookout in Iowa, please, this is sort of like the running of the bulls in Pamplona. Do not get between governor Christie and the potato salad." –David Letterman

"How about that Harry Potter movie? Opened today as a matter of fact. In this one, Harry goes up against Dick Cheney and his secret CIA hit squad." --David Letterman

"Anybody here from Minnesota? Congratulations, you have a brand new senator, our old friend, Al Franken. Al is an interesting guy. Went from being a comedian to a politician. George Bush, the other way around." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If we could start calling it bribery instead of lobbying... (You press a button and it pleads the fifth)

So, a photo shows Democrat Senate candidate James Talarico playing with an Anthony Fauci action figure. Yeah, there's an actual Fauci action figure. You press a button and it pleads the fifth. —Greg Gutfeld 

After Door Dash just launched a drone delivery program, New Jersey thought they were under attack by Iran, but it was just hundreds of pizzas being delivered to Chris Christie. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way? (Just Like that)

"Pope Francis is considering repealing celibacy for priests. Priests will no longer have to take a vow of celibacy. See what you can accomplish when you don't have Congress standing in your way?" –David Letterman

"If you are attending this campaign cookout in Iowa, please, this is sort of like the running of the bulls in Pamplona. Do not get between governor Christie and the potato salad." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he doesn't look like the kind of guy who wins a lot of races (you always want to pick the city with the steepest hills)

After last night's New Hampshire primary it looks like Chris Christie is out, which isn't surprising — he doesn't look like the kind of guy who wins a lot of races. –James Corden

During the “In Memoriam” segment they accidentally showed the picture of a woman who is still alive, an Australian producer named Jan Chapman. Which in a way is a much bigger story than “La La Land.” Sure, it’s bad to think you have won Best Picture when you didn’t. But how about being told you’re dead when you’re not? –James Corden

People got to use a new technology when the ride-sharing service Uber introduced their self-driving cars to the city of San Francisco. Yeah, because when looking for a place to roll out an experimental driverless car, you always want to pick the city with the steepest hills. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was president. That's how he relaxed (He had a great day at the plate)

"Now, in Obama's defense, the president has always had his own particular way of relaxing. For example, George W. Bush had his way of relaxing. He was president. That's how he relaxed." –David Letterman

"Soccer is one of those things that the rest of the world cares more about than we do – you know, like healthcare, education, gun control." –David Letterman

They had a fundraising softball game at Yankee Stadium over the weekend, and do you know who played? New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. He had a great day at the plate. I'm talking about lunch.—David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is the worst matchup for an interview since they sent that honey glazed ham to interview Chris Christie (They're Like a '5' Tops)

Roy Moore's campaign just got worse because yesterday we found out that a pro-Trump group sent a 12 year old girl to interview Roy Moore. This is the worst matchup for an interview since they sent that honey glazed ham to interview Chris Christie. –Stephen Colbert

Now, Trump did put one condition on the debate: raise $10-$15 million for women’s health issues. I'm guessing, "The Donald Trump Foundation for Women Who Aren't Anywhere Near a '10,' They're Like a '5' Tops." –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana (Well check your bank account. Is there $130,000 in there?)

“The first licences for recreational marijuana have also finally been produced in New York. New Yorkers are gonna be so excited to finally try marijuana.” —Stephen Colbert

Apparently Trump insulted Christie at a dinner party, making Christie wonder if Trump took him to be “one of his chicks.” Well check your bank account. Is there $130,000 in there? --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And that’s just Don Jr. (living her best life)

In Chris Christie’s new book, Christie writes that the president, “trusts people he shouldn’t, including some of the people who are closest to him,” calling his team, “a revolving door of deeply flawed individuals -- amateurs, grifters, weaklings, convicted and unconvicted felons.” And that’s just Don Jr. --Stephen Colbert

Meanwhile in role model news, a woman got banned from Wal-Mart after riding a cart while drinking wine from a Pringles can. I’m sorry, that headline is wrong. It should read, “Woman got banned from Wal-Mart for living her best life.” --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Danny DeVito says, "Workers of the world unite!" (Note to self, time to remodel the bedroom)

Sad news out of New York City after a carriage horse died near Central Park. Cause of death, trying to pull Chris Christie. —Greg Gutfeld 

A teacher was arrested for allegedly having sex with a 15-year-old boy after he had accurately drew her bedroom. Note to self, time to remodel the bedroom. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he'll break open and spill out candy (our warm up spill)

"Chris Christie is getting a lot of support from New Jersey's Hispanic community. Some Hispanics like his moderate conservatism while others believe if you hit him he'll break open and spill out candy." –Conan O'Brien

"BP has been fined $25 million for causing an oil spill in Alaska five years ago. Or as BP refers to it, 'our warm up spill.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Nigeria provided a letter from a prince (but we can rule out I didn't see him)

At a concert, Bruce Springsteen walked right past Chris Christie's outstretched hand and totally ignored him. I don't know what Springsteen's excuse will be, but we can rule out I didn't see him. —Greg Gutfeld

US and Nigerian forces teamed up to kill an ISIS leader hiding in Africa. The US provided Navy Seals, spy satellites, and predator drones, while Nigeria provided a letter from a prince, offering to share $40 million. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm my own man, plus another guy (Well, that never stopped us before)

"Jeb Bush has to distance himself from what they call the Bush brand. So he keeps saying, 'I am my own man.' But when Governor Chris Christie is out on the campaign trail, he's always saying, 'I'm my own man, plus another guy.'" –David Letterman

"50 percent of Americans polled said they thought Donald Trump would make a lousy President. Wow! Half said he'd make a lousy President. Well, that never stopped us before." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Did someone say multiple shots? (settled science)

But true, the shooting took place at the DC Hilton, the same venue where Ronald Reagan was shot. So for the rescheduled event happening in a month, organizers will look for a venue with less chance of gunfire, like Beirut. —Greg Gutfeld

Witnesses at the event had reported multiple shots. "Did someone say multiple shots?" asked Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

Witnesses say they first heard a loud bang, but had simply assumed that Chris Christie just tried the chili. —Greg Gutfeld

Most in the media present at the event expressed shock over the incident, although CNN's Brian Stelter wondered why couldn't they have held the assassination attempt until after dessert. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It always threw off my concentration (Wow, I just met Hillary Clinton)

Khloe Kardashian revealed that she's getting her daddy tramp stamp removed. About time. It always threw off my concentration. —Greg Gutfeld

Four people were hospitalized when a New Jersey cannabis oil factory exploded. Fire crews contained the blaze, but officials warned local residents that Chris Christie may have the munchies. —Greg Gutfeld

One of Jeffrey Epstein's prison guards googled the sex predator minutes before he was found dead. She then tweeted, "Wow, I just met Hillary Clinton.” —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

just ahead of a gun wearing a cowboy hat (a real snausage fest)

"A new CBS News poll shows Chris Christie is ranked ninth out of all Republican presidential candidates. He's just behind Bobby Jindal and just ahead of a gun wearing a cowboy hat." –Seth Meyers

Today was International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day. There’s a party later tonight, but I heard it’s going to be a real snausage fest. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

“Wow,” said former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich from prison (open casket/cognitive infrastructure)

A skydiver uploaded a video of himself yesterday jumping out of a plane and solving a Rubik’s cube during free fall. And to prove that he actually solved it, the funeral was open casket. –Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, Chris Christie currently has the lowest approval rating for any governor in any state, in over 20 years. “Wow,” said former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich from prison. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What's this about explosive head? (it had nothing to do with deli meat)

So, Sunday night on CBS, they aired the Golden Globes. It's the only award show named after Sydney Sweeney's chest. —Greg Gutfeld

Winning for best picture was a movie called Hamnet, though Chris Christie was disappointed to find out it had nothing to do with deli meat. —Greg Gutfeld 

The US reportedly incapacitated Venezuelan troops with a sonic weapon that one survivor described as feeling like his head was exploding from the inside. "What's this about explosive head?" asked Bill Clinton. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeesh, what does the loser get? (I call it my daily doobie)

I don’t know if this is such a good idea, but Pizza Hut just unveiled its new "Triple Threat Box," which is a box with three drawers that holds pizza, breadsticks, and a big chocolate chip cookie. Or as Chris Christie calls that, "A wallet.” –Jimmy Fallon

The third and final debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump is coming up in Las Vegas next week, and Hillary’s holding a contest where the winner gets to actually go watch it in person. Everyone was like, “Yeesh, what does the loser get?” –Jimmy Fallon

A new study found that marijuana use among people over 65 has gone up 250 percent in recent years. One woman said, "I like to smoke up before watching 'Jeopardy!' I call it my daily doobie." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”